Don’t let your apathy overwhelm your empathy
Isolation and stress can cause us to shutdown, but it’s important that we focus on our empathy to overcome it.
by: E.B. Johnson
We live in a world that seems more divided than ever. You can hardly turn on the television or flick on your smartphone without seeing horrible news, or heartbreaking headlines, and tuning out can seem safer than tuning in. Apathy feels like a necessity in our chaotic modern lives, but it really takes empathy to find the fulfillment and happiness we are seeking.
Apathy is a double-edged sword. While tuning out might help protect your mental and emotional health, it does nothing to ensure the future you’re trying to build for yourself. Apathy makes us scared, it makes us hopeless and it forces us to isolate ourselves. If we want to overcome the pain and suffering of this modern world, we have to learn how to cultivate empathy in our lives and figure out how to relate to others in way that is both meaningful and lasting.
Apathy vs. empathy.
Apathy and empathy can be considered two sides of a very slippery scale. On one end, you have apathy — a feeling and an attitude that permeates our lives with indifference, detachment, unresponsiveness and all-around lethargy. Apathy zaps your energy and makes it hard for you to make decisions or react in important circumstances. It’s passivity to a fault and a secret burden to the already-burdened mind.
On the other end of the scale is empathy, which — also more than a feeling — describes a wide array of experiences that culminate to create the ability to sense and feel other people’s emotions. The empathetic person is someone who has the emotional depth and imagination to put themselves in the shoes of another person, while considering all angles of a situation. They know what it feels like to hurt, and they don’t want that pain for other people.
The factors that shape our empathy and our apathy.
There are many factors when it comes to whether we are apathetic or empathetic. Our apathy and our empathy occur in shifting trends and fads, and they can be impacted by everything from public to personal experience. Understanding how to transform your apathy to empathy begins first with being able to identify the things that shape your emotional experiences and attitudes.
Self-criticizing
When we’re too self-critical, we often develop the belief that we are inferior or incompetent. In turn, this causes us to turn-off, shut down and turn away from the things and opportunities which might otherwise make us feel happy and fulfilled
Perception of others
Our perceptions of other people greatly shape how we feel about them, and whether or not we are more apathetic or empathetic. Basing your opinions off of first-impressions and hearsay might lead to poor perceptions and apathy; getting to know someone for who they really are might have the opposite effect.
Attribution flaws
Incorrectly attributing the behavior of other individuals can lead to attribution errors and misunderstandings that can increase our apathy. Empathy is the best means to sidestep this pitfall, helping you to see things more clearly from a different perspective.
Past experiences
Our past experiences and the lessons we are taught growing up have a massive impact on not only who we are, but how we perceive ourselves and the people around us. Poor past experiences can lead you to feel terrible about yourself and other people, leading in-turn to apathy and hopelessness. Likewise, positive past experiences can lead you to believe the best of yourself and seek out empathy in order to make others experience happiness or joy.
Victim blaming and dehumanization
When you find yourself absorbed in a space that allows for victim blaming or dehumanization, it can lead you to take on those behaviors and engage in apathy or — worse — actual violence, hate acts or other abhorrent behavior. Difference can make us believe that empathy and compassion are not warranted, but that’s when it’s warranted most. It is through empathy that we overcome the things that make us different, not apathy.
What happens when we cling to apathy.
We often resort to apathy as a means of self-preservation, but this is a shortsighted reaction that does little longterm good for our mental or emotional wellbeing. Turning off our compassion can damage our inner self and our futures in a number of alarming (yet subtle) ways — and these are just a few of them.
Poor view of self
If you’re someone who struggles with a negative perception of self, apathy can seem like a natural way out. The problem with unplugging and not caring, however, is that it can actually begin to “confirm” those negative self-perceptions and lead us further down the rabbit hole of hopelessness, while we slip out of sync with the things that matter and miss the opportunities that could reaffirm our strengths.
An attack on the brain
Apathy has been shown to be a subtle symptom of many mental illnesses like schizophrenia and depression. More than just a symptom of these illnesses, it has also been shown to exacerbate them — leading sufferings further into isolation and hopelessness. It’s also been shown to have a link to 33 other underlying illnesses, including Alzheimer’s, PTSD and even heart and lyme disease.
Disrupted sleep
Though it might touted as a skill for the “cool”, being apathetic is more often a sign of unhappiness and one that shouldn’t be ignored. When we’re unhappy or feeling depressed, we can often experience sleep interruptions. These disruptances to our sleep can make it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep, and they can also lead to further exhaustion, fatigue and unhappiness.
Angsty society
Apathy is a highly communicable disease and one that spreads like wildfire. When apathy becomes a pandemic, you can see severe political disruptances, and a lack of love and compassion for neighbor, friend and family units. The community suffering from apathy begins to isolate itself, while its members likewise dissociate from one another. Things break down and new threats are given an opportunty to thrive in the wake of the unresolved happiness. Apathy in society is one of the most dangerous downsides, and we’re living through such a situation right this very second.
The surprising benefits of embracing empathy.
Just as apathy has its downsides, empathy has incredible benefits that can empower us to change our lives and our communities. When we experience empathy, we experience an array of positive attitudes and emotions, which in-turn leads to further happiness and opportunity in our lives.
Building your social connections
When we are empathetic, we make it easier for other to bond and connect with us on deep, emotional levels. Empathy — by its very nature — allows you to understand what people are thinking and feeling. Feeling heard and understood is one of the things we want most as humans. This further allows you to build a sense of trust and commonality that transcends cultural or societal constraints.
Regulate your emotions
Empathy is a great tool to utilize if you’re looking to regulate your emotions. Though apathy might seem like the best way to protect your feelings and keep calm, it is actually empathy that helps you take control of the way you’re feeling, and it does this by helping you to feel (through your social connections or perceptions) that you are surrounded by support or that you are at least experiencing something more common.
More altruistic
Feeling empathetic makes you more likely to exhibit helpful behaviors, both with yourself and with the greater world at large. These kinds of altruistic behaviors are a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, which in turn help give us boosts of happiness and injections of energy that further inspire us to make moves and take advantage of opportunity in our lives.
The best ways to transform your apathy to empathy.
If you’ve realized that apathy is unravelling your happiness, the good news is that you can transform it to empathy. Empathy is our natural state, and when we engage some simple techniques — it becomes a beautiful second nature with transformative powers. If empathy is what you’re looking for start your journey with these simple transformations and find your way back to joy.
1. Tap into more grateful living
Those who are empathetic are those who are grateful for the things and the people they have. This doesn’t mean they don’t look toward the future with hunger; no. It simple means that they know how to appreciate the good things that already exist all around them.
They open their arms wide to life and all its blessings and challenges. They know that every circumstance is a lesson and every lesson is a chance to grow. Those who are grateful view every situation as a glass half full, and they can acknowledge their faults and love their strengths as much as their weaknesses.
Developing a habit of gratitude will allow you to cultivate a practice of being kind. You can’t have one without the other, but you can grow them both at the same time. Take a few moments each day to consider at least 3 things you are grateful for. You can record them in a journal, or just allow them to absorb your thoughts. If you can’t think of anything you’re grateful for, take 3 actions that day that you can be grateful for the next day.
2. Drop your anchors
Our anchors are the things that keep us grounded to our true selves; they are the things that bring us back to center when the world tries to pull us in too many directions. When we’re struggling, we disconnect from ourselves in an attempt to find a way back to the surface. This disconnection leads to apathy and the heartbreaking consequences that departure entails.
This disconnection can make our souls feel like an echo and when we sink this low we lose our joy along with any sense of who we are or who we could become. Find your anchors and let them bring you back to your true self when it feels like the storm is tossing you beyond your depths. This can take the form of journalling, meditation or event flow activities like cooking.
When your life explodes, your anchors are there to guide you back into calmer waters. Strengthen and tie back on to your anchors by devoting 20 minutes a day to cultivating them. Focus on activities that sing to your soul and especially focus on activities that offer enlightenment or self-revelation. Little by little, you’ll find yourself and your natural compassion through your increased passion for life and living.
3. Release the victimhood
Our apathy can often grow because we get stuck in the mindset that we are a victim. It’s much easier and more convenient to believe that the world has it out for you, than to accept that it is your choices that have led to the predicament you now find yourself in. When everyone else is the villain, there’s no room for compassion and empathy goes out of the door.
Take back your power by realizing that the only one in control of whether you sink or swim is you. Never allow yourself to be a victim, not even by circumstance. Getting stuck in a “poor me” mentality will get you nothing but more of the same. When you insist on being the victim, you will wave, wish and lose focus of the powers and strengths that comprise the real you.
Be decisive. Drop the self-doubt and stop giving your power away to people who can’t even direct the course of their own lives. Wallowing in our insecurities and allowing them to define us in a bruised sense of victimhood will do nothing save to keep you stuck in this mess even longer than you already have been. Make a decision about where you’re going and stick to it.
4. Get control of your inner-critic
Our inner critics are one of the number one causes of giving up and giving in when the going gets tough. When we allow our inner critic too much leeway , it can destroy our sense of self and our self-esteem in ways which make it easy for others to use us and take advantage of us.
Ease off that inner critic and develop new ways to deal with all the biting critiques. Learn how to avoid the triggers that set him or her off and try to cultivate positive responses to her negative outbursts. You can do this by reframing your own world views and getting to the root of the childhood traumas and heartbreaks that led to such a virulent inner voice.
Judging others is stupid, but judging yourself is especially pointless. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. The sooner you realize that (and accept it) the happier you’ll be. Whatever you achieve, someone will achieve better. However bad you did, someone will do worse. Take no notice of your inner critic and start living your life in line what what you know is your authentic truth.
5. Find your sense of respect
Consider the most empathetic person you know in your life. When they were faced with viewpoints that were contrary to their own, how did they react? Did they lash out? Let their feelings run away with them? Did they blame themselves or the other person needlessly? Probably not. They most likely responded with a show of respect.
Empathetic people are people who know how to respect themselves and those around them. They accept that everyone has a right to their own viewpoint and would never sink to shame or embarrass someone just to make themselves feel better. Seeing things from the other person’s perspective means respecting their right to a perspective and striving to protect that right like your own.
Those who are empathetic thrive on diversity, just like those who are hateful thrive on small, sad little existences with high walls. When we are empathtic we see differences as an opportunity to grow, not run away scared. You can choose to be one or the other, but only one pass yields true happiness and enlightenment.
6. Confidence is key
When we are empathetic, we know the depth of our love and the value of other peoples’ existences. They have a certain confidence that comes from knowing their own strength, and their ability to love, care and share. It’s a beautiful thing. It doesn’t, however, happen by magic. That confidence comes from practicing the things which make you feel good and empowered.
Self-confident people can allow themselves to be loving without expecting anything in return because they have enough love to share with themselves. They have an understanding of what it takes to connect, and they know the value of what they bring to the table. If you want to be kind to others, start by being kind to yourself and building the confidence you need to move confidently through the world.
Kind people look for opportunities to give someone a chance, because they know their strengths (and their weaknesses) and they know they can survive, no matter what. Being confident in yourself allows you to drop the walls and be kind with others, but we have to learn to love ourselves in order to master it. Lean into kindness and use that kindness to catapult you into confidence and greater empathy.
Putting it all together…
Empathy and apathy are two sides of a very slippery scale. Apathy is both an attitude and emotion that forces us to disconnect and isolate ourselves from the plentiful and beautiful experiences and opportunties that life has to offer. Empathy on the other hand, is a beautiful collection experiences that allows us to see the deeper meaning and perspective behind what people do and what they say; building real connections that are able to withstand the turbulence of modern living.
If you want to trade your apathy in for transformative empathy, you have to start seeing things from others’ points of view, and you have to take control of your inner-critic. Get anchored to who you really are at your core, and stop being a victim and start being grateful for who and what you are. Be respectful to yourself and others, and strive daily to increase the confidence you have both in yourself and other people. By strengthening yourself and your own control over your emotions, you can unlock truly powerful compassion and empathy that will transform your relationships and your life. If there’s anything we need more of right now, it’s empathy. Why not give it a try?
