Why you should nurture your empathy right now
Our capacity for empathy is more important than it’s ever been.
by: E.B. Johnson
We live in a world that seems more divided than ever. You can hardly turn on the television or flick on your smartphone without seeing horrible news, or heartbreaking headlines, and tuning out can seem safer than tuning in. It can be tempting in these times to turn away, but it really takes empathy to find the fulfillment and happiness we are seeking.
Rather than allowing our apathy to set in, we have to learn how to understand our empathy and compassion and understand it in ways that empowers us to use it as a tool of change. If we want to overcome the pain and suffering of this modern world, we have to learn how to cultivate empathy in our lives and figure out how to relate to others in way that is both meaningful and lasting.
What is empathy?
Though we often think of empathy as a feeling, it’s far more than that and actually describes a wide array of experiences that culminate to create the ability to sense and feel other people’s emotions. The empathetic person is someone who has the emotional depth and imagination to put themselves in the shoes of another person, while considering all angles of a situation. They know what it feels like to hurt, and they don’t want that pain for other people.
By tapping into this natural empathy that’s contained within each of us, we can enact powerful action and change in the lives of those we care about and the world at large. That starts with learning how to understand our empathy, however, and the various ways it can benefit our lives. Connecting with others is an important part of our human experience here on Earth, but that requires seeing things from a different perspective.
The different types of empathy.
Not all empathy is created equal. There are several different forms of empathy, and each serves a different purpose. From compassionate empathy to cognitive empathy, unlocking the care we hold within ourselves starts with understanding it and how we can use it effectively in this chaotic world.
Compassionate
Compassionate empathy is a powerful form of empathy and one that can inspire a great deal of change in our lives and the lives of those around us. When you wield compassionte empathy, you go beyond simply understanding feelings. You feel what the other person is feeling, and this mutual emotion then inspires action (which in turn inspires change; both radical and subtle).
Emotional
Emotional empathy is sometimes referred to as affective empathy, and is basically the ability of one person to share their feelings (accurately) with another person. It’s important, and can help us build close or intimate bonds and connections with someone who is important to us.
Cognitive
Cognitive empathy is a logical and rational understanding of how a person feels or how they might be feeling. It’s can be more efficient than compassionate or emotional empathy, and makes us better communicators because it allows us to take in and relay information more effectively.
Why empathy is important.
Experiencing empathy is an important part of the human experience, and one that is becoming more important by the day. When we practice empathy, we allow ourselves to let down the walls and get close to others by seeing things from their point of view. Being empathetic is a powerful tool of connection, but it also has a surprising number of other benefits as well.
Building social connections
When we are empathetic, we make it easier for other to bond and connect with us on deep, emotional levels. Empathy — by its very nature — allows you to understand what people are thinking and feeling. Feeling heard and understood is one of the things we want most as humans. This further allows you to build a sense of trust and commonality that transcends cultural or societal constraints.
Mastering conflict
Empathy is a core part of any decent apology, and it’s a skill that allows us to learn to see things from the other side. Being able to shift our perspectives and see a different point of view empowers us to become masters of conflict, and better find win-win solutions that gives us all the chance to thrive together.
Better communicator
When you learn how to master your empathy, it becomes easier to communicate with others and convince them of your point of view. Being a better communicator also makes it possible to more efficiently connect with those around you, and become a better leader, friend, partner and worker. As humans, we’re social creatures, but socializing effectively means learning how to understand the feelings and perspectives of those around us.
Regulating emotions
Empathy is a great tool to utilize if you’re looking to regulate your emotions. Though apathy might seem like the best way to protect your feelings and keep calm, it is actually empathy that helps you take control of the way you’re feeling, and it does this by helping you to feel (through your social connections or perceptions) that you are surrounded by support or that you are at least experiencing something more common.
Boosted behaviors
Feeling empathetic makes you more likely to exhibit helpful behaviors, both with yourself and with the greater world at large. These kinds of altruistic behaviors are a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, which in turn help give us boosts of happiness and injections of energy that further inspire us to make moves and take advantage of opportunity in our lives.
How to cultivate empathy in your life.
If you’ve realized that apathy is unravelling your happiness, the good news is that you can transform it to empathy. Empathy is our natural state, and when we engage some simple techniques — it becomes a beautiful second nature with transformative powers. If empathy is what you’re looking for start your journey with these simple transformations and find your way back to joy.
1. Grab your anchors
Our anchors are the things that keep us grounded to our true selves; they are the things that bring us back to center when the world tries to pull us in too many directions. When we’re struggling, we disconnect from ourselves in an attempt to find a way back to the surface. This disconnection leads to apathy, anger, relationship breakdowns and the heartbreaking consequences that departure entails.
This disconnection can make our souls feel like an echo and when we sink this low we lose our joy along with any sense of who we are or who we could become. Find your anchors and let them bring you back to your true self when it feels like the storm is tossing you beyond your depths. This can take the form of journalling, meditation or event flow activities like cooking.
When your life explodes, your anchors are there to guide you back into calmer waters. Strengthen and tie back on to your anchors by devoting 20 minutes a day to cultivating them. Focus on activities that sing to your soul and especially focus on activities that offer enlightenment or self-revelation. Feeling better makes it easier to confident and easier to be compassionate and open.
2. Build up your confidence
When we are empathetic, we know the depth of our love and the value of other peoples’ existences. They have a certain confidence that comes from knowing their own strength, and their ability to love, care and share. It’s a beautiful thing. It doesn’t, however, happen by magic. That confidence comes from practicing the things which make you feel good and empowered.
Self-confident people can allow themselves to be loving without expecting anything in return because they have enough love to share with themselves. They have an understanding of what it takes to connect, and they know the value of what they bring to the table. If you want to be kind to others, start by being kind to yourself and building the confidence you need to move confidently through the world.
Kind people look for opportunities to give someone a chance, because they know their strengths (and their weaknesses) and they know they can survive, no matter what. Being confident in yourself allows you to drop the walls and be kind with others, but we have to learn to love ourselves in order to master it.
3. Get grateful
Those who are empathetic are those who are grateful for the things and the people they have. This doesn’t mean they don’t look toward the future with hunger; no. It simple means that they know how to appreciate the good things that already exist all around them.
They open their arms wide to life and all its blessings and challenges. They know that every circumstance is a lesson and every lesson is a chance to grow. Those who are grateful view every situation as a glass half full, and they can acknowledge their faults and love their strengths as much as their weaknesses.
Developing a habit of gratitude will allow you to cultivate a practice of being kind. You can’t have one without the other, but you can grow them both at the same time. Take a few moments each day to consider at least 3 things you are grateful for. You can record them in a journal, or just allow them to absorb your thoughts. If you can’t think of anything you’re grateful for, take 3 actions that day that you can be grateful for the next day.
4. Be respectful
Consider the most empathetic person you know in your life. When they were faced with viewpoints that were contrary to their own, how did they react? Did they lash out? Let their feelings run away with them? Did they blame themselves or the other person needlessly? Probably not. They most likely responded with a show of respect.
Empathetic people are people who know how to respect themselves and those around them. They accept that everyone has a right to their own viewpoint and would never sink to shame or embarrass someone just to make themselves feel better. Seeing things from the other person’s perspective means respecting their right to a perspective and striving to protect that right like your own.
Those who are empathetic thrive on diversity, just like those who are hateful thrive on small, sad little existences with high walls. When we are empathtic we see differences as an opportunity to grow, not run away scared. You can choose to be one or the other, but only one pass yields true happiness and enlightenment.
5. Stop being the victim
Apathy is the primary reason we struggle practice or recognize our own empathy and compassion. Our apathy can often grow because we get stuck in the mindset that we are a victim. It’s much easier and more convenient to believe that the world has it out for you, than to accept that it is your choices that have led to the predicament you now find yourself in. When everyone else is the villain, there’s no room for compassion and empathy goes out of the door.
Take back your power by realizing that the only one in control of whether you sink or swim is you. Never allow yourself to be a victim, not even by circumstance. Getting stuck in a “poor me” mentality will get you nothing but more of the same. When you insist on being the victim, you will wave, wish and lose focus of the powers and strengths that comprise the real you.
Be decisive. Drop the self-doubt and stop giving your power away to people who can’t even direct the course of their own lives. Wallowing in our insecurities and allowing them to define us in a bruised sense of victimhood will do nothing save to keep you stuck in this mess even longer than you already have been. Make a decision about where you’re going and stick to it.
6. Get control of your inner-critic
Our inner critics are another big reason we find ourselves growing course, or less likely to reactive empathetically in the wake of conflict or distuptance. When we allow our inner critic too much leeway , it can destroy our sense of self and our self-esteem in ways which make it easy for others to use us and take advantage of us.
Ease off that inner critic and develop new ways to deal with all the biting critiques. Learn how to avoid the triggers that set him or her off and try to cultivate positive responses to her negative outbursts. You can do this by reframing your own world views and getting to the root of the childhood traumas and heartbreaks that led to such a virulent inner voice.
Judging others is stupid, but judging yourself is especially pointless. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. The sooner you realize that (and accept it) the happier you’ll be. Whatever you achieve, someone will achieve better. However bad you did, someone will do worse. Take no notice of your inner critic and start living your life in line what what you know is your authentic truth.
Putting it all together…
Empathy is a beautiful collection experiences that allows us to see the deeper meaning and perspective behind what people do and what they say; building real connections that are able to withstand the turbulence of modern living. When we practice empathy, we allow ourselves to get close to others, and we allow ourselves to learn and grow through seeing things from a different perspective. Practicing empathy is hard, but it can be done with a little focus, a little commitment and a huge dose of acceptance and understanding.
Our empathy comes when we start seeing things from others’ points of view, and take control of our inner-critic. Get anchored to who you really are at your core, and stop being a victim and start being grateful for who and what you are. Be respectful to yourself and others, and strive daily to increase the confidence you have both in yourself and other people. By strengthening yourself and your own control over your emotions, you can unlock truly powerful compassion and empathy that will transform your relationships and your life. If there’s anything we need more of right now, it’s empathy. Why not give it a try?
