Tracking Force

Purposefully tracking with an inferior stylus…because he knows no better

He is aware of the concept, He understands that if the force on the tone arm is too light, Then the stylus will not track the grooves, That there will be distortion, incorrect conversion of the vibration, And then skipping, and overall poor reproduction of the sound. He knows that adjusting the weight, Ensuring the proper calibration, Adjusting the anti-skate setting, Will enable the cartridge to undulate its way seamlessly Around the spiral, From lead-in groove to the dead wax, From opening notes of the opening song To the decay at the heart of the vinyl.

He is aware of the concept. He understands the science. He’s heard of the sweet spot, It’s not like he wouldn’t want it In his life Somewhere.

It’s just that his 80 dollar records Are being entrusted to a suitcase record player With no adjustment on the arm at all, With a hefty 7 grams or more wearing down the vinyl, And the kind of reproduction that would make A paper and comb rendition of his favourite songs Somehow preferable.

It’s just that he does not understand the value Of treating his precious Long Playing records In a fashion that will ensure their longevity.

It’s just that this is what he has learned, Has always — he thinks — known, And will never realise is worse even Than the false economy of 180gm virgin vinyl Being reproduced by an inferior stylus.

Not even when he repeats those mistakes Away from his record collection.

Not even when he — please forgive him —

Repeats these mistakes with you.

Mike Hickman is needy and contemptuous. He is claustrophobic and demanding. He is hubristic and arrogant, when he has so little cause to be. The doctorate means nothing. His opinion of himself means less still. He has worked for many years to remove himself from the equation, but he is still here. He would like you to know that, much as you want to punish him for being an arsehole of no worth whatseover — a lesson he learned from his mother onwards — he is, in fact, his very worst critic. So, imagine what it must be like to be in his head. It is never pretty. And neither is this meant to be funny.

If you would like more right now (because there is always more), here’s a piece about the therapeutic value of behind-the-scenes DVD extras and a musing on his experience in teacher training.