Compassion — Just Another Word for Love

Help in dealing with a Bully & Cancer

I recently posted a response to Lucien Lecarme’s excellent article on Compassion:

In the response, I wrote the following:

I have my prayer space, the place I start my day. I seek spiritual guidance before I turn to my PC and begin reading and writing. During that time I read some of the words of the most compassionate “person” who ever lived: Jesus the Christ. I know many consider him a myth, but whatever people think, his words live on and have guided billions of people to live more compassionate lives over the centuries. I look to him for daily guidance. Whatever the storm, his words steady my boat. Sometimes they even encourage me to step out of it and walk upon the waters despite the raging storm.

Not everyone reading this has the same view of Jesus. Many who say they follow him don’t share much more than their professed beliefs in common. Many call him Lord; others might choose one of the other two descriptions C. S. Lewis offered: Lunatic or Liar.

Whatever your thoughts about him, I think all would agree that Jesus is portrayed both in Scripture and outside it, as a very compassionate figure. In my view, he came to teach us how to love one another, how to be compassionate.

Introduction

My first introduction to Jesus came through reading The Day Christ Died by Jim Bishop. I was sick in bed with the mumps or measles (I can’t remember which) and reading anything I could get my hands on. My mother, a non-Christian, had just read this book and thought I’d like it. I did.

As the name implies, it starts with the Last Supper and goes through Jesus’ crucifixion.

At my young age and with no experience of religion prior to that, I came away with a desire to be like Jesus. I’m not sure what I understood by “be like Jesus.” I suspect it was along the line of being able to meet and go through any crisis that came along and perhaps forgiving all who wished me harm.

Lonnie the bully

At that time I was in junior high and dealing daily with a bully who constantly sought me out and tried his best to pick a fight with me. It took all my strength and will power to avoid fighting him. I know now that Lonnie had an abusive father and he took his own mistreatment out on others, I being one of his prime targets. He was a tough, strong, street-smart kid. I really didn’t want to fight him and find out how tough he was. I’m sure he could have beat me to a pulp.

Lonnie was a city kid from Los Angeles. He’d probably dealt with some tough situations and had learned to defend himself by being aggressive. All through my growing-up years I only had one fight, and I came away from that with a bloody nose. After that I vowed never to fight again. Fortunately, I could talk my way out of most situations before they escalated to violence. But Lonnie was not one to give up easily.

I needed Jesus’ wisdom and strength (Jesus the man, not the God) to deal with Lonnie.

I persevered and avoided fighting Lonnie. Thankfully, his family moved away taking Lonnie and my problem with them.

I think my faith, if you could call it that, helped me deal with Lonnie. It helped me deal with a couple of other bullies during high school, too. Even though I wasn’t a Christian back then and had never once gone to church, I’d learned something important about the faith: it was all about having compassion.

What does avoiding fights have to do with compassion? If we have compassion, we don’t attack someone. We try to find ways to resolve our differences that lead to mutually satisfactory solutions. Lonnie had no compassion. I had to supply it for both of us. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t understand Lonnie and I wasn’t trying to. I just wanted to get along with him; he was having none of it. Sometimes you have to do that — provide the compassion — even though you are getting the dirty end of the stick.

In studying Jesus life (and it is a life worth studying), I notice that he seemed to relish interruptions. He often paused from whatever he was doing to show compassion, to heal the lame man, to restore sight to a blind person, to raise a mother’s son from the dead. He felt for those who suffered. He wept for Lazarus who had died and left two grieving sisters.

On the night of his arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus had compassion on the temple guard when Peter sliced off his ear — he reattached and healed it. As he hung dying upon the cross, he had compassion on his mother and asked John to take care of her. He also had compassion on one of the thieves crucified with him and said “today you’ll be with me in paradise.” He even had compassion on those who crucified him saying, “Father, forgive them; they know not what they do.”

What Jesus taught, whether you view Jesus as a real person or not, is that we humans need to have hearts of compassion. Compassion turns living together into a joy. If we make our goal to love and to serve others, everyone benefits.

To be compassionate doesn’t mean we have to enter into the misery of the person experiencing pain or grief, but it does mean we need to understand where that person is and how they are feeling, perhaps from our own experience. We try to understand what they need and do our best to provide it.

However, the suffering person doesn’t want to hear: “I know how you’re feeling. I once had the same thing happen to me.” No, what they want is a compassionate ear, perhaps a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a hug, someone to sit with them or walk with them while they sort out and express their pain or sorrow. Someone to provide a meal or a place to sleep.

Mike shows compassion

Let me give you an example of a much-appreciated compassionate response. Last year our daughter was diagnosed with stage-4 lymphoma. She had to endure 3 months of chemotherapy and a long wait for the news of whether the chemo had worked. All through this time, whenever we met, Mike, a fellow Christian from church, would ask me how she was doing and say he was praying for us. I appreciated Mike’s quiet approach. He’d ask about her, listen intently to the latest update, pat me on the back and tell me he and his wife were praying for us. This went on for many months.

Finally, in December, we got the news that the chemo had been successful. The next time I saw Mike, he asked, as usual, about our daughter Laura’s condition. When I gave him the good news, he said how happy he was. Sometime later, he and I were alone waiting for the men’s prayer group at church to start. He said, “I don’t know if you know it or not, but we lost our daughter to cancer last year. Her name was Laura and she was the same age as your daughter.” Mike went on to say, “I didn’t want to say anything about our experience, because I knew it would only add to your anxiety.” I thought to myself, what a caring, understanding and compassionate man. Now it was my turn to be compassionate.

Yes, what the world needs now IS compassion. As we become more compassionate, many of the world’s problems will disappear. With compassion and reason we can defeat the bullies of this world and turn our swords into plows.

What is Compassion? Isn’t it just another word for Love?

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And, a bit more about me, my journey and practices:

Have a blessed day.

Happy reading, writing and connecting!

If you have thoughts or would like to comment on this or any of my other articles, I’d love to hear from you. I read and respond to all comments.