MY SHADOW
Spiritual Tree Prompt
When I was a child, I learned this little nursery rhyme:
I have a little shadow,
That goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him,
Is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me,
From the heels up to the head,
And I see him jump before me,
When I jump into my bed.
The funniest thing about him,
Is the way he likes to grow.
Not at all like proper children,
Which is always very slow.
For he sometimes shoots up taller,
Like an India rubber ball.
And he sometimes goes so little,
That there’s none of him at all.¹
I said that little rhyme so often when I was a young child that I still remember it.
It brings a smile to my face.
I love that little boy who repeated those words over and over. No doubt his mother read it to him in a book. To his young mind it made things clear. It explained that dark thing that followed him around each day.
Now, with age I have a different understanding of “shadow,” a darker understanding. It represents not some playful thing that follows me around, but a darker part that hides deep within and tries its best to thwart my plans and torpedo my best intentions.
Whenever I try to do my best, it nags me and tells me I’ll never succeed. It reminds me of past failures. “You’ll see,” it says. “Why should this time be any different. Remember when….?”
Like an ugly dragon from the underworld, it crashes upon the scene and tries to destroy what I’ve so carefully built.
My shadow represents that part of me I try to keep hidden, the part I am ashamed of.
I do not like my inner shadow and it does not like me. It has the ugly habit of popping up just when I least expect it. When I’m sailing along smoothly under a bright sun it rears its ugly head and tries to bring me down.
Alas, I’ve learned to ignore it. In fact, I’ve made peace with it. It still rants and raves, but I ignore it. With time it has become less obtrusive. I recognize it now for what it is: bad memories, nothing more.
I’ve learned that a shadow follows; it does not lead.
The future need not be governed by the past.
I can succeed!
I will!
¹https://www.grandmasnurseryrhymes.com/myshadow.html
