SELF-IMPROVEMENT
Too Much People-Pleasing
Day 2, 50 questions for deep self-reflection
This is day 2 of the 50 Questions for Deep Self-Reflection challenge from Know Thyself Heal Thyself created by Diana C.
DAY TWO : How does being endlessly understanding get in the way of true closeness?
Ok, what are the first thoughts that came up when I read these words?
- People-pleasing — ouch
You know what, that’s all I’ve got. That’s the only thing they invoked in me I see as a problem. Apart from that, I feel like being endlessly understanding is the only path to closeness. Perhaps this one is more in the interpretation of the question.
Perhaps? Who am I kidding? The whole point of this exercise (at least, in my perception) is to explore and break through perceptions. I feel like it’s about seeing what comes up and how I react, because that is the clearest path to the understanding of self and bettering oneself. And by bettering, I mean becoming completely and unapologetically ourselves. That’s the journey I’m on.
But, people-pleasing came up so let’s play. Deep breathe.
If we go with the perception that being endlessly understanding is negative, then I feel like the obvious conclusion to why it is negative is in the need to make everyone else happy at the detriment of ourselves — people-pleasing. I was a damn good people pleaser. The covert narcissist mother taught me how to fulfil her happiness so well, that I’ve had therapy sessions around trying to allow myself to want for ANYTHING.
So, that’s where my brain went. If I continue this people-pleasing thing, I will never achieve genuine closeness with anyone, and especially not myself, because I am only worried about the other person’s happiness instead of my own.
Imagine a world where everyone was a people-pleaser — where everyone was trying to make everyone else happy, to the detriment of themselves. No one would be happy. No one! Because they are too focused on everyone else.
And that’s where today’s unpacking went. Wow. Ok, might still have some work to do around that one.
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