To The Woman Afraid to Leave, You Deserve Better

You Deserve So Much More

Dating and being in a relationship is hard.

However, leaving an unhappy relationship is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

There is this contentment that exists when you’ve been with someone for a long period of your life. I don’t like to label how long this period is because everyone is different. Everyone loves differently.

When you are with someone for a long time, you develop this sixth sense for being with them. Life is just easier because you know the kind of person they are. Whether it be bad or good, the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t right? You don’t want to risk this comfortability for a situation that you could be worse off in. You are accustomed to where you’re at and you settle for this because it’s comfortable.

Let me tell you the truth about this though. Chances are if you relate to the above paragraph, you are underliving your life. Your existence is subpar to those around you that choose happiness. You are trading happiness for comfortability. That comfortability will go away eventually and leave you empty on the inside with nothing to hold onto. The longer you stay with someone for contentment instead of love, the more you will resent them as time progresses. When I was with my ex, I just decided that my unhappiness was temporary and had nothing do with the life I was living with him. We fought, but my brain told me that all couples do. We didn’t really connect, but my brain told me that we had been together so long that we have now entered the “boring” phase of spending the rest of our lives together. I never wanted to admit that it was over and done. I never wanted to quit. I didn’t want to give up. It’s not who I am.

The idea of admitting that this was over was like admitting that I was stupid.

I had wasted five years of my life with this person. FIVE YEARS! We had talked about marriage and children. We were serious, but a large portion of something was missing. I cared about him and I thought I loved him. It was confusing. I felt dumb for spending all this time with someone just to throw it all away. I had friends that I had hung around with that told me that he wasn’t good for me. They told me that he snuffed out my light. He brought me down. I even had a family member tell me that the light would leave my eyes when I was around him. I felt dumb for not listening to them through the years. They were right.

I was scared of being alone, and attempting to date again.

I had been with this person since I was seventeen years old. We had moved out together first. I rented my first apartment with him. I bought my first car with him. There were a lot of firsts with him. The idea of stepping into the world without him was terrifying. At the end of the day, I always had someone to go to and lay next to at night. I was never physically alone. I slowly realized, though, that I had been alone in every other way, but physical for a long time. I like to attribute this realization to the beginning of my downward spiral with depression. It’s sad to admit this even to this day.

I left and realized ALOT of new perspectives and emotions.

I will always remember the day I left. I don’t like causing pain to anyone. I’m also not that person that jumps back and forth over the fence about big decisions like this. I think for a long time on the situation and then I rip the band-aid off. Quick. Smooth. Efficient.

The day I left I brought a friend with me, because I didn’t think I could follow through alone. I knew that there was a chance that he could manipulate me into staying. When I finally addressed the issue with him, he got down on his knees, cried and begged me to stay. I felt awful until he said “I can change. I can be better.”

I hadn’t said anything about why I was leaving at this point. He already knew we had issues. He already knew about the problem in our relationship. He knew all along and was just treating me the way he was and acting the way he wanted to. He knew it was wrong. I used this thought process as my driving force. I packed my stuff that I could grab in that moment. I got my two cats and my friend and I left. I never looked back.

About a week into being alone, I got really sad and tried reaching out to other men to talk to and comfort myself. I was scared of not having anyone special in my life. I never enjoyed my own company. I also had this unhealthy mindset that something was wrong with me if I was single.

The next couple of years of my life were the hardest years I’ve ever lived, but I wouldn’t go back for anything. I got my heart broke again, I started putting myself first (still working on that) and focused on being successful. I learned some hard lessons like I can’t rely on being with someone else to be happy. It will fail you every time. Plus, it’s a very toxic reason to be with somebody and a heavy burden to expect from anyone.

I learned to be happy in my own company. I have much higher standards for those that I date. I know the red flags now of relationships and people who just aren’t good for me. I feel like it also made me a better person going through all the pain I went through.

These are the thoughts that I will always remember and follow throughout my life. I will not back down from any of them.

I deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be successful.

I deserve to be my own person.

I deserve love and kindness.

I deserve to make my own choices.

I deserve to be supported.

I deserve respect and honesty.

I will never accept anything less than this. EVER.

For those struggling with a bad relationship. I feel your fear. I feel your heartbreak. I feel the stupidity of staying. I feel you. I understand you.

You may not know me, but you are always welcome to reach out and speak to me. I hope my story can help you muster the courage to choose happiness for yourself.