To That Inner Child

a poem

To that inner child, reparenting, reprogramming herself in gentler ways, learning a new narrative of developing self-worth and identity outside of imposed anger.

Thank you to R. Rangan PhD for the prompt allomothers! Given that it was Mother’s Day recently, there was definitely an influx of mother and/or parent-themed prompts. For those without mothers, or who have lost them recently, or those with mothers who are quite different from what we expect mothers to be, this is a difficult day. This is my story:

For me, it was a difficult day too, and I tried avoiding these prompts like the plague.

Part of this comes from this dominant narrative that parents are benevolent individuals (because, once again, usually they are supposed to be). Unfortunately, this dominant narrative has also imposed this sense of internalized shame in me, and likely in others who can’t relate to this narrative. It asks the question, “why wasn’t I good enough to have been treated this way? Was I not good enough to be loved?”

And to those in this situation, I wanted you to know that you are not alone. This is why I wrote this poem — to hold space for others like me when typically we fold in and pretend we don’t exist so as not to spread sadness on a loving day.

It is not your shame to hold that you did not have the support that you so deserved. This is to honour that despite all of that, you survived and learned a new way to live. You reparented your own inner child, against all the damage that was done.

And on this year’s Mother’s Day, and for many years later, I remind myself. This is not my shame to hold, to not have been loved by a mother.