Summary

The author, a single woman, critically examines the traditional institution of marriage, questioning its relevance and value for women, and advocates for a life of freedom and personal fulfillment over conventional marital expectations.

Abstract

The article reflects on the author's evolving perspective on marriage, from a romanticized view in her youth to a skeptical stance as a 36-year-old. She challenges the traditional roles and sacrifices expected of women in marriage, such as caregiving, managing domestic responsibilities, and being held accountable for marital issues. Drawing from personal observations, including the divorce of her iconic couple role models, she argues that marriage often leads to the suppression of women's independence and personal desires. The author suggests that long-term relationships can thrive without the constraints of marriage, citing the partnership of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith as an example of a more liberating and authentic union. She concludes that society's views on marriage are shifting, and that unconventional arrangements may offer a more fulfilling and euphoric life experience.

Opinions

Marriage is viewed as a potential hindrance to personal freedom and individuality, particularly for women.
The author perceives traditional marriage vows as an illusion, failing to account for the complexities of long-term relationships.
She believes that marriage often imposes disproportionate responsibilities on women, including caregiving and domestic management.
The article suggests that women are frequently blamed for marital problems, including their partner's infidelity.
The author admires the relationship style of public figures like Oprah Winfrey, who maintain committed partnerships without the legal bonds of marriage.
She expresses concern that despite years of sacrifice and support, women may be replaced by younger partners as they age.
The author advocates for relationships that allow both partners to maintain their independence and true selves, rather than conforming to societal expectations.
She points out the rising divorce rates as an indicator that traditional marriage may not be the best model for modern relationships.
The author encourages consideration of non-traditional relationship structures to nurture long-lasting and fulfilling partnerships.

To Single Women Who Want Their Liberty In Marriage

Conventional marriage is not for us.

If you are thinking about getting married, having kids and living the rest of your life playing house, hold that thought.

That was me, well, 22 years ago. Then marriage was wrapped around my neck like an illustrative exhibit. I was supposed to graduate from college, get married to one cute, smartass rich dude, have three kids, and live happily ever after…. Wow!

What a bliss, right?

The idea of marriage as a teenager was enticing. In fact, any guy I dated was seen as a potential husband. Whenever I saw old married couples cuddling and fondling each other, I would get jealous and secretly prayed to have what they had when I’m old. Marriage was a safe haven in my fantasy world during bad times.

Now my 36-yeard old self has a completely different perception of marriage. If I’m honest, marriage is the last thing I wish to have. If at all I get married, it will be in my 50s or 60s. Probably to a 70-years old or so gentleman.

I look at Oprah Winfrey, and I see myself adopting that relationship style — spend the rest of my life with a devoted and loyal partner. Marriage messes up relationships.

The commitment and sacrifices that hold a marriage together is a challenge for me because I like to enjoy total freedom.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to spend my life as single or married before, but after I saw my iconic couple’s “The Smiths” marriage crash, I am now certain that marriage is just a fleeting moment.

There is no “till death do us part.” No “for better for worst.” The wedding vows that binds two people as one is an illusion. Nobody wants to do worst.

Marriages don’t stand the test of time. And you know why? Because conventional marriage is a bondage. It demoralizes women. It holds women accountable for whatever goes wrong in the union.

If he is sick, it’s her responsibility to administer his drugs and make sure he feeds properly. If her husband cheats, the blame falls on the woman. She sacrifices her career to support her husband in his.

The woman runs the home — makes sure the domestic chores are done, prepares invoices and taxes for the month. Child-rearing falls mainly on her shoulders, and when the kids fail at being responsible, the woman takes the blame for that too.

She makes it her job to remind her husband to do his part and clean up his mess if he loses his job and starts drinking.

Still, some women are strong to keep it together and show up for their paying jobs.

Sure, some husbands help out their wives too, but we can’t ignore the fact that women compartmentalize more than men in marriage.

And what does she get for all her sacrifice at old age? At the time, she should be enjoying the fruits of her labor with the man she spent most of her youth with- withering the storms of life.

She gets a divorce. She gets replaced with a younger woman. Some men are so selfish that they ignore how much their wives have sacrificed for over 10-years of the marriage.

They suddenly remember she is controlling because she insists he takes his med before or after meals. Because she monitors his diet, so he doesn’t eat or drink anything against the doctor’s advice.

Because she no longer has the sexual sparkles she once had, or maybe he stopped enticing her, so she got comfortable with not asking for sex.

Because she loves him too much, she doesn’t want him worrying about their finances. She forgets her personal desires to minimize expenses. But instead, he used the extra money to get a girlfriend.

Whatever the case, marriage isn’t worth sacrificing my dignity and freedom. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are smart with their choice to remain together as “Life partners” rather than a divorce after 23-years of marriage. Such freedom and commitment to one another are what we need to nurture long-lasting relationships.

Conventional marriage takes away a part of you. It makes people miserable. You feel euphoric the first few years into the relationship, but when reality kicks in, you get bored. And the real you, who was once opinionated, zealous, meticulous, and independent, will get choked. That you, before the marriage, will want to have her life back.

Society is evolving, and the divorce rate is rising. Considering unconventional marriage isn’t such a bad idea. Marriage is beautiful only if both partners can be themselves and not compromise to the point of denying themselves peace of mind.

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To Single Women Who Want Their Liberty In Marriage

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