To Combat People Like Andrew Tate We Need to Start Acknowledging Some Realities
People like Andrew Tate gain their power from our educational system failures
I saw a clip of Andrew Tate on TikTok saying that the problem with the world is promiscuity in women, and how if women went around with the number of sexual partners they had had on their heads, many of the world’s problems around relationships would be ended.
The implication is that female promiscuity is bad for everyone. It’s bad for women and it’s bad for men, his implication being men won’t commit to promiscuous women for that reason. There are large numbers of both men and women who agree with him, and that is fair play to them.
I don’t agree. I think that the majority of women — and men — would prefer to find the right person and stick with them, it is the difficulty in finding the right person that is leading to the majority of people having several or more sexual partners — at least in my view.
But giving him the benefit of the doubt, I suspect he’s more complaining about those who have casual sex with large numbers of partners. Considering this, it is acceptable to believe that a society where such people — both male and female — were put off from doing this would have more fulfilling and lasting relationships than one where they were encouraged.
The way he is selling it by implying that men are incapable of not being promiscuous unless women refrain from giving themselves to it is not a very kind picture of men. But the less said about that the better. The question is, is he right?
Would women shutting the door on promiscuous behaviour fix everything?
It is undeniable that it is likely women who played the larger hand in bringing an end to widespread promiscuity in the past — at least the ancestral version of it i.e. all the women mating only with the alpha and men fighting over being that alpha.
When women started demanding a connection from a man before giving sex, through that very desire it likely started stopping men from fighting over all the women, and instead made them start fighting for a specific woman.
Once each man started fighting for a specific woman, it is likely men would have increasingly stopped fighting with each other over the right to have all the women and instead would have started working with each other more to help build up a safe and stable society for their specific woman.
It is believed that this is what happened and that this is the process that gave us the foundations of the world we all now have i.e. it is believed that this process is the dawn of the patriarchy, so the family-based system that gave us the world we now have. And yes I know, it’s likely we women really did start the patriarchy, at least the foundations for it, and it’s likely we did it to try to stop men from fighting with each other over us and coerce them to instead start working with each other for us.
This is why likely why on one level the argument that women are the ones who should once again do the same thing i.e. shut the door to all but one man, resonates with so many as a solution to the dating hell we now live in. After all, it worked once so why not again?
Why the past will not repeat itself
The dawn of the patriarchal system stopped men from fighting each other over the right to have sex with all of us women.
However, men are not all fighting each other right now to have sex with all of us women. Quite the opposite, the men at the top are quite happily going through all the women without any qualms about the fact that the women they are going through have been “gone through” by many other men.
As a woman who has been promiscuous, I can attest to this i.e. none of the men I had sex with had any problem with my promiscuity — even the ones I had relationships with. They couldn’t have cared less, the only time any men appear to be bothered about promiscuity in women is when they perceive it to be a threat i.e. when they’re afraid it means that they won’t be able to keep hold of us. The women who dislike promiscuity in men tend to dislike it for the same reasons.
So, and I’m just postulating here, it seems promiscuity is only a problem when it is seen as a perceived threat to relationship security. When it’s not, people are not bothered by it.
This is why there is very little women can do to bring back the old system. We women could try, as they put it, “closing our legs” to as many men as we want, but it still would not change anything i.e. make dating any easier.
This is because the reason there are problems on the dating scene is that the old system is no longer the best way for mate selection, there is a new way. That new way benefits our survival more than the old system, and as such our instincts will never allow us to go back.
Why the old system could not be brought back — no matter what women do
Why bother with dating when if you simply change your school of thought you can form a powerful connection with pretty much anyone, which the old system proves?
It’s undeniable that this does work, intent is a powerful factor in human connections, so if two people meet each other with the sole intention of only working out why each other are right for each other, then more often than not, they will form powerful bonds simply through intention and duration of interaction.
This is why in the old world, where there were no divorces, and where men and women needed each other to survive, you could throw pretty much any man and woman together and expect that in the majority of cases they would form very powerful and fulfilling bonds.
It didn’t always work of course, and the downside to the system is there’s no way out if it doesn’t. But of course, that’s why it works so powerfully, if you know there’s no way out then you know you need to make the right choice, and you know that when you make the choice you need to really commit to making it work — no matter what.
The problem is the old system relied upon one simple piece of knowledge. This piece of knowledge is imperative to the old system working, without it bonds using it cannot be formed.
That piece of knowledge is, that both parties need to believe fully that if they don’t make these connections, they will put both their own lives and the survival of the human race at risk.
The world is a very different place to the one the old system functioned in — that difference is rooted in the difference between the child mortality numbers of the old world and the new
Prior to the 19th century, men and women literally needed each other for survival, and they needed to get with each other as soon as possible.
This is why historically girls got married between the ages of 10 and 12, and boys between the ages of 18 and 20. It is also why the brains of boys and girls go through fire and wire — brain optimisation — at those respective ages, to prepare them for getting with each other.
When they got with each other, it was not about forming a loving relationship, it was about surviving. The human race’s survival was reliant upon making babies, and due to the high mortality rate, a lot of babies at that. Women had to get pregnant on a near enough yearly basis from as young as they could, and for as long as they could.
Relationships are simply nothing like this anymore. We are all now protected by technology and the society that that technology has created. One of those technologies is keeping children alive.
Because of this, we now no longer enter relationships for the sole purpose of maximising pregnancies. We now enter relationships to create pregnancies with the best option. We do this because doing so benefits our and the human race’s survival in this world more than the old way.
The world we have created favours sexual selection like never before
Because we have time to find the best partner, instinctually, we want to do that. This is because inevitably instinctually we want to have the best offspring, and the better the genetic match our partner is, the stronger our offspring will be. All of us instinctually are now completely focused on this endeavour when it comes to mate selection.
This is why dating is becoming so difficult, none of us has any experience doing this. It is not the way we have historically picked partners. We have gone from men fighting over all the women, and women mating with the winner, to men and women being thrown together as couples, to now a world of absolute sexual selection.
Literally at no point in the entire history of this planet has any species embarked upon this form of mate selection until us right now. This is why we are all like fish caught in trees.
There is no escaping our desire to embark upon this form of mate selection either. Instinctually we want to experience and get to know lots of different people because that helps us identify the best genetic match for us, we want to do this because such behaviour now genuinely improves the human race’s survival chances.
This desire inevitably leads to a greater desire in people to date more than one person over their life, it also leads to a higher level of promiscuity, it also leads to a greater desire to leave relationships we don’t feel are right for us so that we can find ones that are.
That means the modern world of dating, as chaotic as it is, is now the form of dating that best offers humans the best chances of survival because it pushes us to find the best genetic match. Nothing trumps the human desire to adopt the best survival behaviours, which means it’s here to stay.
This is why people like Andrew Tate and the like are doing such damage, rather than coming up with solutions to help people not just survive but thrive in this new world, they are silencing the conversations over why the world is as it is, all the while trying to sell the notion that the past can work in the present. It can’t. Human nature will never allow it.
Clinging to the past is why the present is struggling
To navigate the modern world of dating successfully you need both social skills, emotional intelligence, and more. Those who have those in abundance are winning big style whereas those that don’t are more often left really struggling. Everyone else is most often trapped somewhere in between.
For example, the men with poor social skills struggle to get with any woman, and the women with poor social skills, if they are highly attractive, tend to find themselves being gone through by man after man until they grow sick and shut themselves off from dating, if they are less than highly attractive, they tend to go through the same experience.
These factors lead to a world where there are a lot of men who are angry and upset because they can’t get with any woman, and a lot of women who are angry and upset because the men they get with either keep treating them like dirt before moving onto the next woman, or even worse, treating them amazing, then moving onto the next woman because they never had any intention of staying in the first place.
This is why the key to improving the dating world for everyone comes from educating people on how to better manage it. That means we need to start teaching social skills, and from a young age, we need to start giving people a proper sex education, and from a young age.
We also need to start educating people on how to manage their emotions, especially in regard to feelings such as hurt, sadness and fear, so that they can handle the dating scene, and we need to do this from a young age.
That means, the blast from the past that we actually need is not going back to the traditional way of matchmaking, it is going back to the traditional thought process of preparing people for adulthood. That’s what we have lost.
Why we are not teaching this
The simple reason why we are not teaching children this is because we are trapped between the old system and the new, and this creates a real problem. This is because the education you need to navigate the old system is the absolute opposite of the style of education you need to navigate the new.
Right now, we sort of give kids half and half without any real tools to manage either. That needs to change, we need to let go of the past once and for all and finally accept that the present is here and now, and as such is here to stay.
The moment we do this, is the moment we start giving people the tools needed to actually survive and thrive in the world we now live in. When this happens, the horrors of the dating scene will start to fade away and be replaced more and more by fulfilling and lasting relationships.
Final words
To create a safer and happier world for everyone, we need to start giving people the tools to live in the world we have created, and we need to start giving them those tools from a young age.
That means we need to stop “protecting” children’s innocence by keeping knowledge about sex and relationships and everything else from them, and actually start protecting children by giving them that knowledge before they come of age, so that when they come of age, they are ready to handle the world we have created.
Until we start doing that, the Andrew Tate’s of the world will likely continue to be the ones who they turn to in desperation to get what they have not been given.
That means the reality we need to start grasping to make the relationship and dating scene a better place is not that women need to start “closing their legs”, it is that we need to fully and wholeheartedly let go of the past so that we can finally embrace the present.
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