How to Have Sex
TMI: What Clothes Turn You On?
The answer: Yes. Let me explain
Sex isn’t just sex because no one is wearing clothes. I can agree that nakedness is sexy, but clothing opens up a world of possibility in the bedroom. Clothing is foreplay. If I and my sexual partner(s) walked into a room naked every time we wanted to have sex it might get very, very dull.
Preparation for sex is a precious endeavor that is fun to explore. This prep can start with planning for and then getting dressed. Clothing is one of the simplest ways to add a bit of fire to casual or long-term sex-periences.
Clothes and sex are friends with benefits
- There is deliciousness in getting dressed.
- There is confidence in feeling ravishing and prepared.
- There is sensuality in becoming temptation.
- There is pleasure in undressing or being undressed.
An answer in 3 parts
I speak as someone who is bi. I didn’t know until my current partner that everyone doesn’t find beauty and sexuality in every human, but that makes writing this a bit more fun. I’ll start with men — not out of preference but because the answer is more straightforward — and work my way to women and finally, to what clothes turn me on, on me.
Men, my top 5
- A simple black v-neck tee and jeans. This is by far the hottest outfit a man can wear. Yes, it’s simple. It’s classic and boyish. I’ll peel off those layers with some serious gratitude to the gods of fashion for not changing something that isn’t broken.
- Kilts. My college marching band uniform was white button-down shirts under black ties and jackets and kilts complete with sporrans. We were the Marching Scots and we took our kilt-wearing seriously, so seriously that many went “blue ribbon”, or sans panties. Talk about temptation. Woof.
- Swim trunks. Swimwear for men seems so thin. What if it just fell off? Or disintegrated? From time to time, I test it. It works out well for all involved.
- Cleaned up. I love it when a man is looking fine. Like, he’s out of his everyday drivel and shining up real nice in something sleek and fabulous. I do not want to take it off; I don’t have the patience. But he can. I’ll watch him take it off and hang it up. And then, we’re happening.
- Cozy pants. My current partner has these pants that he wears to lounge in around the house. They are a hideous blue plaid on matted fleece, but every time he puts them on, I stare at them. I stare through them. He just looks so cozy and relaxed. I, too, am sometimes cozy inside those pants.
Women
My clothes turn-ons for women are both simpler and more complicated. I don’t have particular items that turn me on as I do for men.
Women who move, act, and walk like they feel sexy are the sexiest creatures in the universe.
I’ll give an example. A few years ago my partner and I traveled to Las Vegas for a long weekend before heading to Grand Canyon for a couple days. Walking the streets of Vegas, I was struck by the confidence and sex appeal of the women there.
I ogled their faces, their bodies, their clothes. I tried to figure out what these women had, what they knew that was different. What made them stand up and stand out like they did? What made them sexy?
It was then that I noticed: women were wearing all manner of straps, suits, sheer coverings, and tight-fitted tubes that they wouldn’t wear anywhere else. They wore shoes that didn’t make sense but shone in the sun as they strutted from daiquiri shops to casinos to raunchy shows, where they sat with other women as confident and uncaring as they were.
They wore what they wanted and didn’t apologize for being sexual and looking “loud”. They gave up comparison and judgment for the weekend and wore clothes with confidence that spoke to their sensual natures. They weren’t dressing for men or for other women, they were dressing for desire — for Vegas.
They felt sexy and that made them sexy. Vegas gave them game. Why? Because what one wears in Vegas doesn’t matter. It might even stay in Vegas. In secret, I hoped that they took their strut home with them.
Me
As a woman, I can say something similar. I get turned on when I feel sexy. I also feel sexy when I get turned on. The circle is real and real juicy. So in a way, it doesn’t matter what I wear, but then again, it does.
What I wear matters less than how I feel about what I’m wearing.
That being said, there are some clothes that I find consistently tantalizing whenever I wear them:
- A skirt or dress sans underwear. This combination is tricky. It’s such a turn-on, I can barely make it through one dinner without touching myself. It’s almost more than this body can bear. If I’m feeling very hungry — hungry for waiting, for withholding, for a night full with stimulation and feeling my sex— I forget my panties at home.
- “Wet run” lingerie. I’ve written before on the beauty and sensuality of enjoying clothing and particularly lingerie during a self-pleasure session before sharing it with another person. Donning clothing that I have purchased and gotten to know is a kind of delicious foreplay to me. I dress with a smile, salivating for my partner while I remember the pleasure I endured the time I wore it before, just for me.
- Boots. I don’t love high heels even though they make my calves look fabulous before I fall over. I wear boots for me, but I would buy a pair of fit pleather thigh-highs in an instant if I found the right pair. I love the way my legs feel held in boots; I stand straighter and may even strut.
- Lace and low-cut tops. And I mean low, low tops. The kind that shows my wide, open chest, thick collar bones and shadows, and the spaced, soft double curve of my breasts down the center to the bottom of my ribs. This is one of my favorite parts of my body and it turns me on to show it off in this way.
I’m Brett Jenae Tomlin, The Anxious Enthusiast.
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