How to Have Sex

TMI: Lights On or Lights Off?

And why? The answer: It may surprise you

When I was a kid, I played with dolls. Actually, I played with dolls until I was 13. My dolls had sex before I knew what sex was. My parents “made cupcakes” in their bedroom every now and again, but I digress.

Sex meant I laid my dolls on the carpet side by side and hid them under a too-tiny blanket.

It was so naughty.

I didn’t cover them because they were cold or because I was afraid of seeing what they did to each other under there; my dolls liked “doing it” in the dark because that’s where “doing it” was done.

On TV, they always did it in the dark. I lived on a farm; we had 3 channels. We got more later on, but there was no late-night-dry-humping MTV-style in my house. People who got together, got together in the dark. Family-friendly programming “sex” — a dark screen or PDA — was all I knew.

As I got older, sex in the dark was sensationalized. I learned that the dark was sexy.

It was so…dark.

It was mysterious and titillating. But mostly, I learned sex was something that would be done to me because I was a woman.

My dream sex scenario at age 16: I’m married. I walk toward my bed in a pink silk nightgown and lay next to my husband, who’s got on reading glasses and doesn’t look up from his paper. I reach up with a milky, manicured hand to turn off the light on the bedside table. *click*

I hear a rustle of papers and feel him roll on top of me in the dark. I can’t see but it doesn’t matter because my eyes are closed. Great sex happens in the dark with your eyes closed and in silence.

He “finishes” — whatever that means — and rolls over, snoring almost immediately with all of the covers and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Now that’s what I call a buzzkill.

I could say that’s what I feel about sex in the dark, but I’ve had great sex in the dark — although I can’t say it’s usually silent.

Lights on, please

As I’ve grown in my sexuality and come to know what turns me on, I will prefer the lights on 100% of the time.

My eyes are open. They will be open during sex.

The more I get to see the happier I’ll be.

I want to see you.

I want to see what I’m doing and I want to see what you’re doing.

I want to do things to you and I want to see the things that you’re doing to me.

I want to see your face, your body, your eyes, your hair. It turns me on to see you and to see me on top of you.

If you don’t want to see, that’s fine. I have a thing for that. But for me?

More seeing, I say.

Lights! Camera! Bring on the mirrors.

I’m Brett Jenae Tomlin, The Anxious Enthusiast.

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