Time To Tell People To Go Fuck Themselves

It will benefit everyone

It's terribly uncomfortable, isn't it?

Someone asks you to do something for them. For example, they might need you to work a few extra hours for free. Or maybe they require you to drive in the freezing cold to run an errand. Or to go on a date even though you are not interested in them.

You don't want to look like a not nice person, do you? So even though you really don't want to, you say "Yes."

And you hate yourself for it.

What does it cost you?

There is a phrase in Spanish that nowadays triggers me in all kinds of nasty ways.

¿Qué te cuesta?

"What does it cost you?" Usually, the person behind the phrase adds a tone that implies you are being irrational for not doing whatever it is they are asking of you. After all, it shouldn't be such a big deal to say "Yes!"

The problem is, sometimes, it costs you a lot to force yourself to please others when every single cell in your body is screaming, "No!"

Later on, when I was grown up, people needed to use just a few key phrases: “What does it cost you? Don’t be a bitch! Be nice. Be a good daughter. I’m just so horny it hurts. We don’t wash our dirty laundry in public. What will people think of you? I thought you were a good person. But I helped you before. But you are supposed to love me. But, but, but…”

The Price You Pay.

I confess I'm a recovering people-pleaser. From protecting my parents from letting the world know they physically and verbally abuse me to doing my classmates' homework. From having sex with my now-ex when it was the last thing in my mind to agreeing to acquire a ton of debt so he could get his projects done.

Nope, he's not helping me pay it back. Why should he? After all, I said, "Yes."

I wish I could tell you it took a lot of effort for people to get me to bend to their will. When I was a child, I think it did for a while. Kids can be blessedly stubborn! But soon, I learned that not doing what I was told came with a heavy dose of punishment, many times including the use of a belt.

Later on, when I was grown up, people needed to use just a few key phrases: "What does it cost you? Don't be a bitch! Be nice. Be a good daughter. I'm just so horny it hurts. We don't wash our dirty laundry in public. What will people think of you? I thought you were a good person. But I helped you before. But you are supposed to love me. But, but, but…"

All of this, what did it cost me? For starters, it cost me sanity, confidence, and happiness. And, worst of all, I learned not to trust myself. How could I, when I failed to protect Me?

I used to lie.

I became a filthy liar. I kept on saying "Yes" even though I ached to say "No." When I was a kid, my brain learned that angry people had a right to hurt me, and even though I tried to find the flaw in that assumption, it was as though some puny aberration took over me.

I would agree to do their bidding. Just don't get angry at me, please…

But things are changing around here, people. Oh, my, they are changing big time!

Lately, I've been saying "No!" left and right, and I fucking love it.

"Please, go fuck yourself."

I'm out of the abusive relationship I stayed on for almost two decades. I'm no longer giving my employer any more of my spare time. I'm not going to social meetings where I know I will be bored out of my mind. I'm not giving any of my mental energy to trolls on social media and writing platforms.

Honestly, all of those people who think I owe them a piece of me can talk to the hand. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner.

Now I feel lighter, happier, and with a clearer mind.

In some situations, of course, I have to be extra polite in how I express my refusal to do things. Fair enough! But even then, the lines are clear, and my heart is delighted.

Above all, and because I'm working on trusting myself again, I have vowed to keep this promise: Never again will I give my time, peace, and energy to someone who does not deserve it. I will no longer let people think my kindness and generosity are a bottomless well they can abuse.

Besides, I believe this benefits everyone. On the one side, I get to strengthen my mental health. On the other, people get to see who I truly am and that, when I commit to something, I give it my 100%

Some might think this is too harsh. But, luckily, now I understand those people can simply go fuck themselves….