KNOW THYSELF-HEAL THYSELF | WEEKLY PROMPTS

Time to Admit I’m in Breakdown so I Can Declare and Create a Breakthrough

Time to trade in my story of insomnia, fear, and worry for a better one

One of my wise teachers, Beverly Cassell, taught me that when things are tough, acknowledge the breakdown, and declare a breakthrough.

Now she had an EST background. So she wouldn’t say–using my situation for example — I’m not sleeping well, I’m confused, frustrated, scared, disorganized, as well as overwhelmed.

She taught us to separate the facts from the stories we make up about the facts. And the meanings we assign to them.

In my case, the facts might be: I wake up early and don’t fall back asleep. Laying there, my mind focuses on things that could go wrong. With my health and my mom’s. Based on aging in general and current issues in particular.

All the feeling stuff I attach to what’s happening, and the meaning I make of it, she calls Story. We make up stories about what’s happening in our lives all the time.

So the story I made up about my situation goes like this:

Because I’m not sleeping more than 5 or 6 hours, my life is falling apart. I don’t have any energy. I’m not getting as much done. I’m discouraged, disorganized, and depressed. By the time I get to Ohio to help my mom, I’ll be even more of a mess, have a horrible time, and not be much help.

And because of what I believe about the power of our thoughts, I’m afraid my worrying will make those bad things happen. Cause we get what we focus on, right?

Beverly taught us that when we feel like this, to first own our stories. Because the story is what we made up about our lives in response to the facts.

And the story I made up is not the only story I could have made up.

Before I can make up an empowering story, I first have to be aware I’m operating out of a story I made up from what’s happening. The way to do that is to acknowledge I am in ‘breakdown.’

Sounds awful right. Sounds like I’m stuck.

But this is about acceptance, first and foremost. Rather than gloss it over like nothing’s wrong, I first get to accept what’s happening. In AA that’s called living life on life’s terms. The opposite of that’s denial.

My absolute favorite passage in all of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is on acceptance. It’s such a beloved and oft-quoted passage that it’s fondly referred to as page 449. You can Google it as such.

Page 449 says:

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.

Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (bolding mine)

Do I like admitting insomnia and worry are the way my life is supposed to be right now? Hell, no! But I’m not stopping here. I’m just pausing to remind myself that what I had been doing to help myself has not been working.

Taking more Rescue Sleep and Melontin while forcefully trying to will unwanted thoughts away is not working. My story about this situation is not helping either.

I need to bring Spirit into the mix.

And to help me do that, I am declaring a breakthrough.

This comes from Beverly’s teaching. A breakthrough is a shift in consciousness about our stories. The made-up parts.

A breakthrough does not have to be based on facts. I can be — and these are her exact words — ”based on nothing, with no evidence.”

In declaring a breakthrough I shift out of my old story about my life and take a stand for a new possibility that I get to make up. And stand behind or on.

My new story doesn’t have to be or feel true. It just has to be possible. An empowering way to hold the events, by giving them new meaning.

When we did this in our group, we literally moved from one spot on the carpet where we were standing in our old story and took a giant step to another spot to make our stand. If we shifted back to our old story, Beverly made us go back to the first spot where we stood in our disempowering stories.

In making this shift, we can say, Based on nothing, with no evidence, it’s entirely possible that….and follow with the new story which becomes our stand.

So let me take a breakthrough stand here:

Based on nothing, with no evidence, it’s entirely possible that I shift my sleep and worry patterns by shifting how I’m holding, thinking, and talking about them.

It’s entirely possible that accepting myself exactly as I am–sleep-dep, racing thoughts, leaky mitral valve and all–creates a new experience for me.

It’s entirely possible that acceptance allows me to release my sense of having to fight my situation or treat my body or my mom’s issues as an adversary. This opens the door to a flood of loving, calming, peaceful thoughts. This opens to door to serenity about all this.

It’s entirely possible that when I go visit my mom on Saturday, we have a lovely time together. We take care of details with attentive patience and love. We can go slow and do one little bit at a time, then take a break for fun. We share intimate laughter while playing games and shopping.

This approach gets everything urgent done. Because we’re relaxed and connected. The rest can wait.

It’s also entirely possible that this new way of holding the situation fills me with love and peace. That allows my whole body to relax deeply– slowing down my heart rate, deepening my breathing, and lengthening my sleep.

All of that gives me the energy to prepare well for my trip. Being prepared enhances my confidence in this new breakthrough story.

Thanks! I so needed that.

Now I can support this in prayer because I know what to pray for.

Note: I did not pre-plan this breakthrough.

In fact, the first third of my draft was going in a different direction. But as I started to write about my situation, the idea flashed into my mind that this just might be a story I made up. Followed by the idea that if so, I could make up a new story.

That’s when I remembered Beverly and her ‘Coaching for Breakthrough’ process. It’s been years since I did that regularly.

But I feel so much better already, I’m adding it to my regular practices.

Thanks so very much, Ravyne Hawke, for this week’s prompts!

Marilyn Flower’s the author of Creative Blogging: Ninja Writers Guide to Character Development and Bucket Listers, Get Your Brave On. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Follow her Sacred Foolishness and Stay in touch!