Three Deceptive Moves to Take Advantage of Fellow Freelancers
And three ways to repel such manipulative behaviours.
It took me years to realize that freelancing gravitates to synergy. When you collaborate with fellow freelancers, you can reach a grander audience and improve your skills at the same time. Your motivation skyrockets since you have someone to hold you accountable and give you feedback.
Forging relationships based on truth can occasionally become hurtful to your pride but also enhance your way of doing things and advance your career. To that effect, being bold and negotiating fairly for both parties is undoubtedly one way to work with fellow freelancers.
But there are other, more indirect ways that people use to gain more value for themselves, out of your supposed collaboration. While they thrive with your help, you lose time and energy. Their calibrated moves are based on deception and manipulation.
I welcome you to see their whole facade in the form of a play.
This play, let’s call it “Three Deceptive Moves to Take Advantage of Fellow Freelancers”, consist of three acts. The performance opens with the first act “The Befriending”, continues with “Playing on your need for validation” and magnificently ends with “Setting the parameters of your required services while being vague about the details”.
Please take your seat and switch off your phones. In case you are reading this from your phone, you don’t have to switch it off. After each “act” there is a “behind the curtains” passage that will help you turn deceptive moves to your benefit.
Act 1: The Befriending
The deceivers are good strategists. They set up meetings with other freelancers and plan meticulously their way up by contacting people with more influence than they have. To them, you are another stepping stone that they can easily befriend. Instead of being direct about their intentions, they will sugar coat their hidden agenda with friendship.
Acting like a friend is the most common way of collecting favors from other freelancers.
They will invite you out for coffee, with the pretense of wanting to chat. Once you sit down and go beyond the small talk, they begin to tell stories about their projects, activities, and people they know.
They will rarely ask you about your projects, simply because your work is not in their interests. In case they do ask you, their feedback is scarce and generalized, making it difficult to derive a solid conclusion. Their listening capacity is getting much better once the attention shifts to their work. Their eyes light up, and their body language becomes way more expressive.
They claim that they see all other freelancers in their niche as friends.
Based on their interpretation of the world, the majority of their supposed “friends” should offer their help for free. If you succumb to their idea of this kind of friendship they advance to the second act with haste. And you will end up an employee that works for crumbs or even worse, for free.
Of course they won’t express this desire out in the open. Remember that deception, if done correctly, is subtle.
Behind the curtains: Indirectness may seem safe and easy, but true friends value each other’s time.
When you sense that someone is trying to play the “befriending” act, remember to put trust in people that want to rejoice with you regardless of their projects. Besides, true friends acknowledge the value of your time and effort. If a certain amount of money is gained by their work and ask for your contribution, they won’t agree to assist them for free. Unless you maintain a mutual win-win agreement, and it’s your turn to repay the favor.
Act 2: Playing on your need for validation.
Once you fall victim to the fake friend move, chances are that you’ll start talking about your methods. You’ll freely and without any inhibition, share practical knowledge that may have taken you months to develop. Your workflow, a better software that you have tested, a secret that you have learned through an online course.
That’s when the deceivers will have their attention fixed upon you. They won’t be interested in your work but in your resources and how to exploit them. Every asset you have is an opportunity that can elevate the quality of their work. They will tell you that they need your talent since they know little about your field.
Most likely, they are telling the truth. Why bother with the details when you are willing to do the work for them? While they are focused on the their main workflow, your services become the missing piece in a big puzzle consisting of other fellow freelancer’s work.
They know how to tap into the most common weakness people share.
The need for approval.
Each of us has a soft spot for validation. We take pride in sharing our knowledge and accomplishments. We are terrified at the possibility of looking stupid and make everything we can to prove our worth. This one feature that worked well in school becomes a pervasive weakness in the adult life.
As long as we have a mindset that makes us wanting to constantly prove ourselves, we can easily get entangled in fake relationships with people who are the best at playing with our weaknesses.
Behind the curtains: Beware of your inclinations to share all you know with people who seem friendly.
Sharing tips and tricks with other freelancers is great, especially when the act is mutual. Nevertheless, the big difference comes down to what the opposite party has done to deserve them. Give people space to win your trust and support. Don’t rush to tell them everything you know. When they get in the process of gaining your council, they will savor your words and assistance.
Let them convince you that they deserve your advice and are willing to reciprocate.
The best way to let them win you over is by actions, not words.
Your actions speak so loudly, I can not hear what your saying. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Act 3: Setting the parameters of your required services while being vague about the details.
The final act contains the parameters of your free services. The main request will be focused on one specific service, surrounded by smaller vague requests. Like electrons around the atomic nucleus, the potential extra favors orbit around the basic request.
The deceivers will claim that they are still working on some details, which they will sort out as soon as possible. You can tell by their meticulous preparation of the rest of their plan that they just want space to gain more, if possible.
If you can assist them with some software or equipment, why refuse to give something more that wasn’t agreed but mentioned in some of your early encounters?
The more you give, the better.
Since you have been bought up from the first act (the befriending) and already supplied valuable information about your work, you are now obliged to assist them.
Behind the curtains: Fight vagueness with clarity.
Vagueness is the perfect weapon for those who want to set the rules and progress their potential through other people. When the time comes for your service, the deceivers will push you as hard as they can. They’ll claim that all the extra work that you have to do has been discussed and agreed upon by both sides.
Don’t wait for that to happen.
Instead, request that both parties write down to a shared cloud file their obligations towards each other.
In that way, you handle the situation. You make things clear. Plus you can negotiate about your written agreements. You convert their indirect moves to precision and clarity. Since emotional deeds, like sugar-coated friendship, goes hand in hand with chaotic overbearing requests, you will set forth some order.
Specificity blocks maneuverability.
You can be quite sure that the initial goal of the deceivers was to ask for more and tap into vagueness, once they start making jokes right after you ask them to write down their requests. They might say something like, “do we need to get a lawyer or something?”.
If you give in to this last ditch attempt, you set a course for people to take advantage of you. While you think you are helping their cause, they use your assets and experience for free. On the other hand, if you finally manage to see beyond their act, you’ll negotiate and make way for a win-win agreement or politely refuse.
Are you the deceiver?
This story has been written from the perspective of the receptor of manipulative behavior. But you could also be the practitioner of this kind of tricky methods.
Don’t get me wrong, our world is filled with deceptive acts on a daily basis. I don’t want to create a good-bad polarity through this story. Nevertheless keep in mind that unless you are a master actor you’ll probably get discovered each time you engage in deception.
Your weakness lies in your own body language.
Each small unconscious move you make, like a subtle reaction to a conversation, supply the other party with valuable information. Not only you are making a fool of yourself, but you also lose a potential fruitful collaboration with fellow freelancers who are willing to meet you halfway.
While other freelancers waste people’s time picking the indirect route, practice being forthcoming. Be a realist, and don’t assume friendship out of a couple of months you know someone, just to get free services. Don’t confine people into obligations while you bring nothing to the table.
Within a world that manipulation is the bread and butter of everyone who rushes to success and wants to use other people as stepping stones, being straightforward is as rare as gold.
