#242 — DEAD OR ALIVE

Three Colours (But They’re All Shades of Red)

Tips for writing a believable spanking

Spanking is the acceptable kink. It may be the most common kink… or just the one more people are willing to admit to. It’s certainly the most written about, except on niche websites where people obsessively write stories featuring *******, ****ers, and *****-****ing.

Nevertheless, the average person only writes 0.00028 spanking scenes in their lifetime, which is significantly fewer than I’ve written. Finally, I’m above average at something!

If you’d like to improve your own score, I’ve put together some basic background information for writing a spanking scene. It is background, though: there’s nothing about the mechanics of spanking, because that’s a negotiation between you, your characters, and your intended audience. This isn’t a guide to spanking, it’s a guide to writing a spanking.

If this article doesn’t give you enough information to begin exploring, let me know: just comment, “Please, Miss, may I have another?”

The ART of Spanking

It’s important in any discussion of spanking to remember that corporal punishment is an ART (Adult Recreational Torment) and it’s not meant for children. Although if you do choose to dress a character as an improbable schoolgirl to receive a spanking, I won’t judge you, and if you make sure to include her little plaid skirt in your header image, you will get views.

But spanking is also an art, as anyone who’s received a poor spanking will know. Like any art, appreciation of it is subjective: one person’s perception of ‘poor’ can vary as widely as spankings themselves. A character’s ideal spanking might be hard or soft, slow or fast, brief or prolonged, by hand or with any of a variety of implements. There are countless ways to deliver blows upon the buttocks, which means you can write countless spanking scenes without repeating yourself. And because they’re your scenes, whatever you write can be the ideal spanking for whichever character is enduring or enjoying it.

The mechanics of spanking, then, can be whatever you imagine gives your characters pleasure, in infinite variety. All spankings, however, fit into one of three broad categories, depending on their purpose. And from a literary perspective, it’s the purpose of a spanking which makes the scene: it captures both the motivation of the spanker, and the goal of the spankee.

At one level, all spankings have the same purposes: pain and humiliation. The differences come in the degree of each, the balance between the two, how those feelings are processed by both parties, and their anticipated responses.

Erotic

This is the one most likely to feature in popular media, and the one you’re familiar with. (Yes you are.)

The intended purpose of an erotic spanking is the same as everything else which uses that adjective: sexual arousal. That doesn’t mean it has to get the recipient wet/hard: sexual arousal includes interest in, as well as physical readiness for, sex, so an erotic spanking might simply be mood setting foreplay.

Pain and humiliation in an erotic spanking tend to be minimal, with the emphasis on wilful submission or playful resistance. As such, Erotic spankings are likely delivered with an open (or slightly cupped) hand which takes occasional breaks from striking the buttocks to stroke, squeeze, and tease. There will probably be fewer, softer smacks than with other types of spanking, but there’s no reason your spankee character can’t be more masochistic or submissive and so enjoy more severe punishment. Floggers, paddles, even whips and canes can be used erotically, as long as the intended — and likely — outcome is arousal.

In real life, erotic spankings usually produce warmth, tingles, and perhaps physical signs of arousal. Very few will result in deeply reddened skin, or handprints, or bruises, or an ass that feels like it’s on fire (nor does its heat necessarily spread from ass to… elsewhere). Nevertheless, I’ve written variations of those tropes more times than I care to admit, because they can happen, and they’re more fun to read than reality.

If your characters enjoy roleplay, an Erotic spanking might be dressed up as Disciplinary.

Disciplinary

Disciplinary spankings are most likely to occur in an established BDSM dynamic. Pain and humiliation tend to be more prominent, with the balance tipping towards whichever the spankee likes least, because the purpose is punishment, not pleasure; the pain and humiliation are intended to cause regret, not arousal.

I have the least experience of Disciplinary spankings, but ‘write what you know’ is advice for authors without imagination and cognitive empathy. As long as you and your characters understand and incorporate the principles of either SCC (safe, sane and consensual) or RACK (risk-aware consensual kink), there’s no reason you can’t write a sound Disciplinary spanking.

It can’t hurt to read up on what members of the BDSM community have to say on the subject, but pro-tip: there is no BDSM community. There are lots of BDSM communities, and most of them think they have The One True Way and all the others are doing it wrong. So why not invent your own community for your characters? That way they’ll be always doing it right.

A BDSM relationship might include a sub-category of Disciplinary: the Maintenance spanking. That’s a Disciplinary spanking delivered without direct cause, and so without the aim of inducing regret. It’s intended to reinforce submission rather than to punish, but the reinforcement still comes from willingly accepting pain and humiliation, so character motivations remain more or less the same.

Just as Erotic spankings may sometimes pretend to be Disciplinary, Disciplinary spankings can become accidentally Erotic. That’s probably wrong in most BDSM communities, but great fun to write.

Therapeutic

The purpose of a Therapeutic spanking is catharsis: it generally ends not in sex or remorse, but in emotional release, typically as tears. If you can write strong emotions, you can write a Therapeutic spanking.

Pain does not have to be the predominant feature of a Therapeutic spanking. It often is, but deep humiliation — and submission to it — can provoke an emotional release of its own.

Any Erotic or Disciplinary spanking, depending on the severity and circumstances, might easily become Therapeutic, but only briefly. Therapeutic spankings usually end when catharsis occurs, so if other types of spanking do transition, the change is dramatic and typically signals the end of the spanking. But Disciplinary spankings, in some dynamics, may continue in spite of emotional release, especially if the spanker considers correction more important than catharsis.

Depending on the nature of the emotional catharsis, and both parties’ responses to it, it’s possible that a Therapeutic spanking might transition to Erotic, but that would be unusual.

May the Fourth Never be With You

There is a fourth category — a fourth motivation for a spanking — but it’s the one category I’ve never written or experienced: Angry.

In real-life, a spanking delivered in anger may be Therapeutic for the spanker, but any benefit to a relationship would likely be more than cancelled out by the psychological harm done to the spankee. It could also be considered a type of Disciplinary spanking, except it has no place in a healthy BDSM relationship, or any relationship at all.

In fiction, it might become the beginning of an Erotic spanking and a fucked-up relationship, but perhaps that whole sub-genre of erotica should be standing in the corner, facing the wall, with its skirt held up and its knickers round its ankles, thinking about its shame.

Aftercare

Aftercare is exactly what the name suggests: your characters should care for each other’s emotional and physical needs after the spanking. Most people’s instinct is that the spankee is the one who receives aftercare, but in some circumstances the emotional needs of the spanker should also be addressed.

You don’t need to put aftercare on the page, but it ought to happen. If you do choose to write it, your characters will have their own strengths and weaknesses, and you’ll understand how they need to be cared for following trauma.

In an Erotic spanking, particular a light spanking during foreplay, sex may be all the aftercare anyone needs. But depending on the severity of the spanking, and the prior experience and emotional state of the characters, both may benefit from care, which could be as simple as cuddling and talking about what happened.

Physical aftercare is more common in a Disciplinary spanking, particularly if an implement which can break the skin — like a whip or cane — is used. And the greater the severity of the discipline, the more important aftercare becomes, for both parties: a reluctant spanker may even need more emotional aftercare than a willing spankee. Causing pain to another, however eager they are to receive it, can have an emotional impact on anyone, and that should be addressed.

Therapeutic spankings tend to need most emotional aftercare, simply because their purpose is to produce extreme emotions. But the physical means which produce those extreme responses can be extreme in themselves, so all needs should be cared for.

Punish Me

Have I disappointed you by not being filthy enough? Teach me a lesson, by writing something filthy with realistic character motivations and emotional responses.

Have I forgotten your favourite category of spanking? Then give me a short, sharp reminder in the comments.

Have I slandered you as a member of ‘the’ BDSM community? Bite me.

Have I offended you by writing off your favourite dark romance trope? Then take your largest, most scary paddle and shove it firmly up your— wait, that one’s not a punishment for me.

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