This Is The Kind of Embarrassing Reason I Love ASMR Videos

And no, it’s not sexual

If you haven’t heard about ASMR yet, allow me to rock your world. Or at least rock you to sleep.

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It’s a physical response some of us get to specific sensory triggers such as tapping, rubbing, scrubbing, hushed whispers, and slow annunciation.

Some describe these responses as “tingles” or “shivers.”

Thanks to the internet, ASMR is everywhere right now. Some ASMR influencers on Youtube, Instagram, and TikTok have massive followings.

These ASMR artists get millions of views by whispering into high-definition microphones, role playing doctor’s visits and facial appointments, and even playing with wooden Melissa & Doug toys.

If you’re like my husband, you catch a glance of someone watching these absurd videos and wonder if they’ve gone insane.

50% of people in my household share this view of ASMR. My husband and oldest son react to these sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

But my 4-year-old son and I are captivated by it. It’s true, it can feel a little absurd to see a grown woman pretending to put eye makeup on her camera lens or serving a wooden ice cream sundae to her viewers.

The hushed tones and focus on pleasure can also appear sexual.

In fact, Yael Wolfe wrote a thoughtful piece about ASMR and how its focus on sensory pleasure has triggered some platforms to censor ASMR videos as violating content rules.

Steven Allison 🏳️‍🌈 also wrote an article about the misunderstood ASMR community and how some have felt shame or embarrassment about the pleasure they feel from ASMR.

For most of us, the pleasure of ASMR is in a separate category from sexual pleasure.

I’ve had these kinds of sensory triggers from a young age.

I remember loving read aloud time in elementary school because the girls always braided each other’s hair while we listened. Those light touches on my back and the gentle pulling of my hair would give me the tell-tale tingles.

I remember loving certain teachers’ voices because of the way they spoke softly or annunciated more.

As I grew older and started studying foreign languages, I noticed that certain accents or tones of voice would put me into a deep state of relaxation.

These days, I am solidly in the camp of ASMR fandom. I have favorite Youtube channels and Instagram accounts, and I go to them whenever I need a moment of calm.

I get tingles from slow whispers and the sounds of nails tapping on plastic bottles. I get it from the sound of lids closing on glass jars and hair brushing.

But while watching one of these videos recently, I realized there’s another reason I like ASMR so much these days.

It’s because I don’t have anyone to pay me this much attention in my life.

My favorite types of ASMR videos are “personal attention” videos. In these videos, a (usually) female artist talks directly to the camera in soft whispers and pampers the viewer.

She may be treating you to a “spa day” at her house, where she clips your hair back and lovingly applies face masks to your skin. While she does this, she might compliment you on your skin or how hard you’ve been working these days.

She might commend you for taking this moment to yourself.

Here is an example I love from Whispering Willow ASMR:

Here is another example of a “pampering” video from Restful Rambles, with her signature purple lighting.

Just like Whispering Willow, she often says reassuring things in her videos like “do you want to talk about what happened today?” or “just remember that you are never alone.”

Another category of these “personal attention” videos is where the ASMR artist is caring for you while you’re sick or tired.

In the following example from Whispering Willow, she nurtures you by taking your temperature, preparing tea, and taking your makeup off.

If you step out of the ASMR trance and think too hard about these videos, they could easily be the work of serial killers (aka “You’re with me now. You’re safe. Just put the lotion in the basket!!!”)

But aside from the absurdity of some of these videos, I think the reason I love these videos is that I long to be cared for.

As little kids, some of us were lucky enough to get undivided attention from our parents when we were sick or tired. They stroked our heads, took our temperatures, and cuddled us until we fell asleep.

I know my own mother would have loved to spend 20 whole minutes brushing my hair if I ever was willing to sit still long enough for her to do it.

But as a grown adult woman who spends most of her time meeting her children’s every need, there is very little “personal attention” happening for me these days.

It would be difficult for my husband to muster the energy to offer to brush my hair for no apparent reason when he’s also spent 14 hours working, defusing tantrums, and cleaning up rogue peas from the floor.

For many adults this kind of undivided care and personal attention only comes when we shell out big bucks to get a facial or massage, and even then it’s transactional.

I fantasize to be cared for genuinely by someone with endless time and patience — ideally not by a serial killer, but by someone who just cares about me so much that they get pleasure from helping me.

It shouldn’t be, but it feels embarrassing to admit that.

It feels kind of sad to say I long so much for personal attention that I get my fix from a stranger on the internet who pretends to put my hair in rollers.

It feels strange to admit there are times I want to be treated more like a child than an adult.

It would be great to find another human being who could offer me the level of nurturing and attention I give my own children.

But for now, I will have to rely on the generous contributions of women with names like “Restful Rambles” and “Whispering Willow” to keep me sane.

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