Made perfect sense to me

Third-Grade Physics Meets a Pissed-Off Barber

I was an overthinker before thinking was cool

1963. Time for my monthly haircut. Or every-two-monthly. I dunno. Mom said I need one.

There’s a big sign in the barber shop window that says “Haircuts $1.00.” Sounds fair. I mean it’s only for men and we don’t have a lot of hair.

I don’t know Mr. Barber’s name. We don’t talk. I come in and he cuts my hair the way mom wants and we’re done.

I don’t remember mom ever talking to Mr. Barber. He’s an old man, at least 50, and he knows how boys look. Mom wants that.

I’m in the barber chair and Mr. Barber throws that big white cloth on me and snaps it around my neck too tight like always. I think he hates boys.

I’m the curious type so I notice everything. For example there’s a big leather strap attached to the barber chair that Mr. Barber wipes his razor on. I have no idea what that’s for. You can’t sharpen a knife with leather. Anyone knows that.

I think he does that because the strap came with the chair and he wants to look like he knows what he’s doing.

Something else I noticed that’s been bugging me only because I think about it.

Mr. Barber puts a hand on my head when he’s trimming hair away from my neck and ears like my school wants. He uses his other hand with that razor that he pretends to sharpen to scrape off any little hairs on my neck that stick out.

I get that. When I write or draw with my right hand I put my left hand on the desk to steady myself or whatever. He’s doing the same thing scraping with his right hand and steadying himself with his left.

But I noticed something I don’t think anyone else ever thought of. My desk is hard but my head is not.

Mr. Barber wants to steady himself by leaning on my head but my head always moves forward just a little bit because he’s pushing on it so he’s never really steady.

What if I helped him?

In science class we learned about trees and worms but nothing about physics. I don’t really know what that is but I know the word.

I do know that if someone is pushing a door open and I’m being silly and pushing it closed from the other side the door stays in one place and doesn’t move unless one of us is stronger and then the door whacks the other guy in the knee.

Here’s the secret then. Mr. Barber is pushing on my head and my head is just trying to stay in one place and because he is bigger Mr. Barber’s hand actually moves forward along with my head a little bit. That can’t be good for him.

So I got the perfect solution to help Mr. Barber keep his hand steady and do a good job cutting my hair and be happy.

When Mr. Barber pushes on my head I’ll push back but only with enough force to make sure my head stays in one place. I can do that.

Here we go. Mr. Barber finished the top of my head without having to push down on it because he’s holding a trimmer in one hand and a comb in the other. Now he only has a razor in his right hand the one he pretends to sharpen.

Mr. Barber is standing behind me and puts his left hand on my head to steady himself.

I feel my head moving forward so I push my head back a bit to make it stay in place so he can be comfortable.

I’m surprised that now I feel Mr. Barber pushing on my head a little harder than before.

That means I should push my head back a little harder too, right?

Mr. Barber lets go of my head. I think he’s figured out that I’m trying to help him so he’s getting ready to do his part.

He pushes my head forward like the first time before. I’m ready with the same kind of push back. We got this.

I feel Mr. Barber pushing my head a little hard this time. He’s trying to calculate the exact amount of force needed. Good.

I’m eager to make this physics thing happen (I think it’s physics, it’s not geometry whatever that is) and push my head back hard to match his force. This is teamwork for sure.

Mr. Barber stops. I hear what sounds like a sigh behind me. Calculating two forces to match each other is hard.

OK I’ll try this. Next time Mr. Barber pushes my head I’ll push back real hard keeping my head in the exact same position so his hand is steady and he can use the razor that he pretends to sharpen safely on the back of my neck.

Mr. Barber puts his hand on my head and I feel a stiff push. That’s it!

I push back hard. This time Mr. Barber does not take his hand off the back of my head. Perfect!

I can feel Mr. Barber’s hand trembling as I push back while he’s pushing forward. But he doesn’t stop scraping the razor on the back of my neck. It worked!

Mr. Barber is breathing a bit funny like he’s carrying something heavy. He must be concentrating really hard on this.

After a minute or so Mr. Barber is done scraping my neck. Usually it takes way longer but my new method must have really made it much faster. Mr. Barber must be happy.

Mr. Barber is done. He unsnaps the white cloth from my neck by yanking it off a bit harder than I remember. He usually puts a mirror behind me so I can look at the back of my head from what I figure is at least 25 feet away like I’m supposed to see anything but this time he doesn’t do that.

I glance over at Mr. Barber and he doesn’t look happy not that he ever is. He looks mad I think but I don’t know why.

Like I said, Mr. Barber and I never speak except he says “thank you” when I give him a dollar. He says it now but he doesn’t look at me and I don’t think he means it.

Well my experiment worked for sure but I don’t think Mr. Barber agrees. Some people are like that I guess. Maybe he feels bad that I know something about physics or whatever and he never learned it in school.

I never tried that again with Mr. Barber. He still doesn’t speak to me at all but at least he’s not pissed.

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