Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mother

I wish knew that everything makes you anxious

Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became a Mother

When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I took no time to process the information and started immediately preparing to become a mother. My pregnancy experience is a blur; all I remember is feeling sick 90 percent of the time and cleaning the house non-stop. I had no idea what was in store for me; motherhood is the most challenging, frustrating, excruciating, yet the most rewarding thing I have ever chosen to do. I am not going to sit here and say that motherhood is the best thing in the world because, to be honest, on most days, I feel like screaming to the heavens.

Here are some of the things I wish I knew before I became a mother.

1. I Wish I Understood the Importance of Self-care

Before I became a mother, I was carefree, living my life in the fast lane, fearless, and unbothered. I would get facials and manicures, pedicures when I felt like it. Mostly, I would spend my time hunched over a desktop computer at an Internet cafe building my online business. Self-care came secondary to partying, hanging out with friends in bars, and working like a woman possessed on my laptop.

I wish I recognized the importance of self-care because I would have spent more time nurturing myself and loving myself before birthing a child. I would have taken long walks in the park to contemplate my life; I would have packed up and gone solo globetrotting, I would have booked long two-hour massage sessions and listened to relaxation music, and spent time with friends doing meaningful things.

When my son was born, everything changed. My friends stopped calling, the loneliness I felt was excruciating and sometimes still is.

2. I Wish I Knew More About Anxiety

I recently read an article on CBC Canada; it stated more than 25% of new mothers in Canada experience postpartum anxiety or depression. I experienced and still do experience postpartum anxiety 11 years later. Some mothers say it gets less challenging, but it doesn’t; it gets worse.

As they get older, a new set of worries bombard your brain, and sometimes it all feels too much. My son is 11 years old, I worry about his safety, I worry when he goes to sleep, and I still check if he is still breathing at night. As a black boy, I worry about him growing up to be a black man in this crazy, often racist world. The fears are crushing, and I wish I knew more about anxiety before I had a child.

3. I Wish Knew How Judgemental People Can Be

The judgment started from day one, my friends, family, even the nurses judge you. I noticed one of the nurses evaluating the new mother in the bed next to me because she decided that after three children, she did not want to breastfeed again. Yes, breastfeeding is the healthiest choice, but sometimes the mother’s mental health is also the most beneficial choice.

4. I Wish I Knew That Being Obsessed With Your Child Is Mentally Damaging

I recently watched a lecture by Muslim scholar Yasmin Mogahed — -sidenote the woman is a genius. Anyway, I digress, the lecture was titled “What is Love?” In it, she states that being obsessed with anything is against the will of Allah, against universal laws. She says that being wrapped up in your child, your husband or wife, your friends is mentally and emotionally damaging. When I first listened to the lecture, I disagreed with her thoughts; however, with time to think about the points she illustrates in the study, I agree with her.

When my son was born, understandably, I guarded him with my life. At night I would sit and stare at him and cry. I pushed everyone back when they tried to touch him, my hair was always a mess, and I developed bald spots all over my head. I neglected everything; my son was the nucleus of my world at that point and still is. However, I am learning to put myself and my mental health first.

Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving him to do his own thing, he loves gaming, so some afternoons, I will let him play on his game console for hours. I know it’s not the best thing in the world for him to do, but I need my space to think and breathe at times. I call it survival tactics; some might say I am a bad mother, but I do give a f**ck? Not really, I am taking care of my mental and physical wellbeing, without health, what kind of mother can I be?

5. I Wish I Knew That Babies Don’t Need Fancy Clothes

I had a posh baby shower with decorations, cupcakes, and expensive gifts. I used my gift vouchers to buy fancy clothes(not designer clothes). I purchased cute outfits with little booties and other unnecessary items that he never wore. He spent most of the time wearing singlets and baby onesies.

6. I Wish I Knew That Drinking Water Can Cause Anxiety

Please hear me out on this one! Staying hydrated is essential right? Getting your obligatory eight cups of water in a day is necessary for health and wellbeing.

Before my son was born, I had no problem drinking my eight cups and even more. However, motherhood has jellified my brain, it has turned to mush, and most days, I forget to keep myself hydrated; even more anxiety-inducing, I have to remind a whole human being to stay hydrated too.

I fill up his water bottle and remind him to drink, and he rarely does; I fill up my water bottle and struggle with reminding myself to drink; by the end of the day, I feel anxious about it.

Thoughts race through my mind — -” I am a bad mother, oh gosh, what kind of mother forgets to tell her son to drink water? Oh no, I am failing!”

7.I Wish I Knew How Bloody Hard Being a Parent Is

I bloody wish I knew how difficult it was going to be. Nothing can prepare you for this, and no one tells you how painstakingly, bone-crushingly difficult it is to be a mother.

I am currently writing 30 articles in 30 days and this is day 19.

Read day 18’s article here>>> Mind Over Mood Book Review- This Book Changed My Life

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