They’d hate me if they knew

Summary

The web content is a personal and introspective poem titled "They’d hate me if they knew," which delves into the author's struggles with depression, solitude, and self-perception.

Abstract

The poem "They’d hate me if they knew" by s-p-sacker is a raw expression of the author's internal battles with depression and the fear of being truly known by others. It portrays a deep sense of self-loathing and the feeling of being a burden, while also highlighting the importance of the support received from close relationships. The author uses vivid imagery to convey the monotony and uninspiring nature of their life view, tinged with fear and a lack of belonging. Despite the intense self-criticism, there is an underlying acknowledgment of the author's capacity for love and care towards those they hold dear, suggesting that these positive aspects might balance the negative self-image to some extent. The poem invites readers to empathize with the author's vulnerability and perhaps reflect on their own struggles with mental health and identity.

Opinions

The author believes that familiarity with their true self would lead others to dislike them due to their perceived flaws and mental health struggles.
There is a profound sense of self-criticism and internalized negativity, as the author describes themselves as "pathetic," "miserable," and "devaluing."
The poem conveys a feeling of disconnection from the world, where the author feels they do not belong.
Support from a select few is depicted as a lifeline, without which the author might not be able to cope with their daily life.
The author expresses a deep fear of being truly known, indicating a fear of rejection and judgment from others.
Despite the overwhelming negative self-perception, the author acknowledges their intense love and care for those close to them, suggesting a duality in their nature.
The author's vulnerability is palpable, and the poem serves as a medium to express and perhaps come to terms with their inner turmoil.

A poem on depression and solitude

When you spend a little time around me- You’ll start to see what a truly pathetic excuse for a human being I am, How truly miserable, Self-devaluing, Solitary, And depressed.

When you get to know me little, You’ll notice that I view life through grayscale, 5fps, static and audio feedback: How monotone, Profoundly tedious And wholly uninspiring I find it.

When you look a little deeper, You’ll see how truly terrified of myself I am: How terribly painful it is for me to exist, How I only manage to get by due to the support I receive from a select few, And how I crumble under my covers at night and as I get dressed for work early in the morning.

When you spend enough time around me, You’ll find that I’m always shaking, That I detest myself more than my confidence in my reasoning suggests, That I look down constantly, That I can barely form sentences, That I hate what I am so I pretend to be what I’m not, That I’m perpetually confused And disorientated.

And when you really get to know me, You’ll hate me

Unless you think that- How intensely I care about those I love, How much I love the world And how I simply do not belong in it- Compensates for that a little.

Hi, if you enjoyed this piece feel free to follow and subscribe to my account, s-p-sacker, to receive an email whenever I publish and check out some of my other works. Some with similar themes include:

They’d hate me if they knew

A poem on depression and solitude

I Know You Can’t Hear Me But-

A poem on grief and spiralling into deep depression

Only Misfortune

A poem on a unique outlook on life