WANDERING THROUGH MEMORIAL DAY WITH 2020 VISION

They Sacrificed; I Honor, Remember and Think

‘Tweenager’ remembers eras of respect and disrespect for veterans

Today is Memorial Day and this year maybe we all have a little more time at home to remember in a way we never have before. I turned 68 years old yesterday so I have a a few decades of memories and I want to use the opportunity of “2020 vision” to honor some of those who impacted my life, express some personal values and prompt readers to ask themselves some hard questions.

I was a ‘Tweenager’ — living through a period of history between the time of high respect held for those who fought the 20th Century’s ‘Great Wars’ and the disrespect that arose for those fighting in the Vietnam War.

I remember those days as a child when veterans were appreciated for their role in helping our country save the world from a lifestyle that we are now getting ever closer to. And I remember those from my generation who served and were instead met with scorn and disrespect.

I was a young patriot in those days, even giving little American flags for the young men I dated to hang from their passenger-side visor…until one day my mother made a joke that everyone knew who Dawn Aegle had been out with because they all had flags flying in their cars.

I stopped that in a hurry, but it’s probably what caught the attention of Dan Reid, who became my first love and lifelong friend. Well, our friendship lasted as long as his life, anyway. He was a Navy veteran who became a pilot that flew relief missions in Africa and he was a man who loved freedom. He served his country in one way or another his entire life.

The load of beans in his plane shifted during takeoff once and he couldn’t get the nose down or the plane off the ground, crashing at the end of the runway and instantly killing himself and his copilot when he was only 41. It was a terrible loss to so many and changed the trajectory of my own life. This is one of many days each year that I remember him, he who taught me what real love is, what courage looks like and all about loyalty and commitment to personal values.

Another veteran I remember is my father, Jim Fairbrother, who died 10 years ago. He lied to get in the U. S. Army when he was 17 years old.

Because of his accent and manners from growing up in Scotland, he was sent as a spy cloaked as a tourist to gather information about the situation in China after World War II as the forces of Mao Zedong were fighting to seize control from Chiang Kai-Shek and most news was closed off from Westerners.

My father taught me many things, of course, but among them was a favorite saying: “Never lose your self-respect; it’s the most valuable thing you’ll ever own.” Sadly, I have not always achieved that, but he gave me the ideal to look up to and it has helped pull me out of chaos more than once.

I also remember two uncles — my mother’s brothers — who each gave four years of their lives in the Navy, one in World War II and one in Korea. And I remember their mother, my grandmother, participating in creation of an organization during WWII called ‘The Navy Mothers’ that assisted the war effort in many ways during those two wars.

But mostly I remember the Navy Mothers’ weekly meetings, which never stopped until all had passed on but my grandmother and she was no longer able to go alone. Long after their sons were home from war, these women continued the rest of their lives to serve veterans in whatever way they could be helpful, even when their age made it hard to get dressed and drive to the VA hospital to play cards or bingo with the vets or read to them. They never wanted our vets to feel forgotten. They taught me compassion…and that everyone can do something.

We don’t remember in order to glorify war. Nor even to glorify our country. We remember to acknowledge and honor those who sacrificed and, hopefully, we also honor what we learned…so that we do not forget the why and so their sacrifices can move us forward as people.

I remember my country, as I knew it growing up in the 1960s, when we were taught to dive under our desks in case of nuclear attack from Russia (would that have really done any good?) and when we landed on the moon while I was in high school. (Yes, it really happened and it was thrilling to stand outside that night, look up at the moon and realize there were people up there!) In those days, we really believed that America could do anything she set her mind to. And I believed that about myself, too.

I remember a time when the population would have never tolerated being treated like they were too ignorant to make good decisions for themselves.

I remember when we liked hearing differences of opinion because it made us think, when people were encouraged to express their opinions rather than being silenced for them…because only then could discussion ensue wherein new ways of thinking could arise.

I remember a time when no one would think of attacking someone personally for thinking differently, partly because people would see them as too ignorant to ‘win’ an argument based on intelligent discussion and facts.

It was a time when those who served believed — and most of the population agreed — that although they might disagree vehemently with what you were saying, they would fight to the death to protect your right to say it.

We have become much more free today in many ways. We can make many choices that were frowned upon in past years. We can obtain news from a vastly greater number of sources than we ever could before. We are a much richer society — yes for everyone, even though disparity of wealth has increased…and although people are being taught to be envious.

One thing we have done is exchange ‘media gatekeepers’ for technology gatekeepers who attempt to censor the viewpoints we hear…but we still have many ways around their attempts if we choose to make the effort.

For some reason, in my lifetime, safety has become more important than freedom to the majority of our population. It is we who want TSA checkpoints. It is we who beg for helmet laws and mask laws and laws about what everyone can or can’t put in their own bodies.

It is we who tolerate ridiculous levels of authoritarian government control, such as being ‘allowed’ to go to the beach in New York this weekend, while accepting that we cannot be ‘allowed’ to go in the water because it’s not safe without a lifeguard present…and of course no lifeguards are on duty because they’re not allowed to get within six feet of us to save us. How did humankind ever survive throughout the ages when going into the ocean with no lifeguard on duty?

On this day, I think of those who gave their lives so that this country — and many others around the globe — would be able to choose whether to go into the water. Choose whether to risk going to church. Choose whether to wear a mask…or even think about their own value system regarding whether to consider only their own likelihood of getting sick or to make the choice to wear a mask to protect others.

I believe that freedom is defined as the number of choices we have available to us. This Memorial Day, I stop to feel thankful to all of those who have sacrificed lives, partial bodies, and sometimes families or mental health, in order to preserve more choices for me. I fear we may be coming to a time in our history when we will be called upon to make the choices and sacrifices that they did. I think that if we are willing to fight, now, for the freedom to choose, it may be easier than if we wait until much more of it is lost.

I don’t care which side of the aisle you sit on; as an American, I want you to think, not of yourself, but for yourself, above all else. What would you be willing to fight for? Truly risk your own well-being for? Anything? Or does safety come before all? That question will take you to the root of your values…and if you take some time to ponder it, at the very least you may discover some empathy and respect for those in both our past and present who made that choice…and be more prepared if the time comes for you to make it.

This year — when perhaps it is less likely that we will be celebrating with friends and family around a barbecue — I hope that we all include in our Memorial Day celebrations a reading of the Constitution, particularly with some lingering and thoughtful pondering over the Bill of Rights.

And then maybe call a veteran or an isolated senior citizen and have a little chat to remind them that they are not forgotten.

I am Dawn Aegle, a transformation coach and writer who is grateful for the courage, sacrifice and choices of those who have gone before me. Meet me on Medium here.