These 5 Psychology Books Will Change How You See Yourself Forever

Have you wondered which books to read to learn more about life itself?

I read over 100 books in the past five years. Many of them were a waste of time, but if I had to choose 5 mind-expanding books, these were the ones. Why?

Because they’ve changed how I see life, and they’ll probably do the same for you.

I’m OK — You’re OK by Thomas A. Harris

This book started my journey into personal growth.

Because I had missed a seminar for uni, I needed to read and summarize it.

And it changed how I saw human interactions forever.

In these books, Harris describes the concept of transactional analysis — a constant exchange of information AND emotion.

Reading this book will make you understand that most people act based on their past, limiting themselves in the present and future.

But there’s more.

Additionally, Harris describes three different ego states, with each representing a different aspect of the personality of a person:

• Parent ego state: describes ingrained behaviors, attitudes, and values from authority figures.
• Adult ego state: describes objective and rational thinking, based on up-to-date information.
• Child ego state: reflects emotions, feelings, and behaviors one has learned in his childhood.

Harris expands the whole concept even further. Based on your individual combination of these three ego states, you take a life position.

• I’m OK — You’re OK: You accept your life and the lives of other people with a positive view of things.
• I’m Not OK — You’re OK: You see yourself as inferior while thinking others are superior.
• I’m OK — You’re Not OK: You see yourself as superior while thinking others are inferior.
• I’m Not OK — You’re Not OK: You don’t accept life and other people with a negative view of things.

Reading this book, made me realize how full of crap I was.

I wasn’t only mainly relying on my parent ego state, thinking I could and should explain the world to other people. It made me also realize that I would act based on emotions, when things didn’t go my way.

It was a painful revelation.

But it was exactly what I needed, after becoming more and more close-minded in the years prior.

It was the shake-up I needed. And it sparked my tolerance for other people, I have nowadays.

That’s why I can highly recommend this book to anyone, who wants to understand how human interactions work.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

This book shouldn’t come as a surprise.

It’s a given on every entrepreneur and personal growth book list and a must-read.

In essence, there are 7 distinct habits highly effective people do to be successful. They are:

1. Be proactive Everybody can choose his reaction to stimuli. Being proactive means taking responsibility and focusing on what can be controlled, instead of reacting passively.
2. Begin with the end in mind Don’t start small. Start with having a clear vision and knowing in which direction you want to go. This helps you to align your daily actions with your higher purpose.
3. Put first things first Don’t waste your time doing irrelevant tasks. Do the most important things first.
4. Think Win-Win Look for win-win, instead of competition. Think of how you can create mutual benefit in interpersonal relationships.
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood Listen more than you talk. Cultivate empathy and try to understand another person’s perspective, before expressing your own.
6. Synergize The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Collaboration is key when it comes to increasing effectiveness.
7. Sharpen the saw Don’t stop learning. Keep renewing yourself on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level to achieve the most.

By reading this book, I understood how constant effort in key areas can make you successful.

Games People Play by Eric Berne

I read this book because Thomas A. Harris is a fan of Eric Berne.

He based a lot of “I’m OK — You’re OK” on the principles Eric Berne had discovered many years ago.

Here’s why you should still give it a read:

People play games.

Games are recurring patterns with a predictable outcome.

Often, these games are based on unconscious psychological needs and motivations.

The most common reasons for playing social games are:

• fulfilling emotional needs
• gaining recognition
• avoiding intimacy

So what’s an example of a game?

Fishing for compliments is a classic game, Berne describes in his book.

Imagine you’re at a party. People are mingling, and you suddenly find yourself in a circle of people. Everybody is smiling, but there’s one girl who seems just to be a bit more eager than everybody else.

She starts the game, by saying: “Oh, wow. Cathy, your dress looks so amazing. And I really like your hair, Sharon.”

With that, she threw out her bait.

Chances are high, one of the girls or even someone else will say something like: “Yes, but your make-up is amazing, too, Gabbie”

Now, Gabbie’s charmed, and happy because she got the compliment she fished for.

Berne states: that most people have no idea they’re playing these games.

And he’s right. I was guilty of fishing for compliments, too, and had no idea.

But after reading this book, I realized how unhealthy this can become. Especially if you keep doing it for many years.

Berne explains so-called scripts, you act out when you repeatedly play these games.

Scripts are unconscious life plans developed in childhood, affecting your everyday life, if they stay in the shadows. By reading this book, you’ll probably realize that you play games, too.

But now you understand them.

Which enables you to finally overcome the games you play.

And this will surely transform your life for the better.

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

I read this book because I knew I spent too much time on the phone.

But I had no idea, it would change how I see things, forever.

In his book, Newport explains the one single goal of social media platforms:

Increasing your screen time.

The more time you spend looking at a screen, the more value you have for the company in terms of ads, products, and services.

But that’s not all.

As you hopefully know, constant use of digital tools can lead to anxiety, decreased productivity, and feeling overwhelmed.

I felt that.

Although it made me feel shitty, I would scroll on Instagram & Facebook for hours. I’d inhale the toxic air of constant comparison, look at fake pictures, and start feeling bad about myself.

Newport offered a solution.

He explained Digital Minimalism as a concept to save the reader from feeling all of the above.

Instead of mindlessly consuming digital media, he suggests the following alternatives:

• mindful even timed use of social media
• using digital tools as a means for professional and personal growth
• seeking solitude to get inspired
• avoiding digital distractions
• focusing more on offline activities, instead of online ones

I tried it. I deleted all my social media. And I even tried a digital detox day, a day on which I wouldn’t use any screen at all. I never felt better.

Suddenly, time was plenty.

There was less pressure and less feeling that I’d miss something.

I almost felt monk-like.

You can achieve the same.

By reading this book, you understand what you can do about spending too much time on the phone and how it’ll change your life forever.

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

I read Viktor E. Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” because he was praised for keeping a positive outlook on life, although he’d experienced the Holocaust firsthand.

I wondered how this could even be possible. After seeing AND experiencing the worst of what humans can do to each other.

I bought the book, and it changed how I look at life and suffering.

Frankl believes that everybody can find meaning, no matter the circumstance.

He underlines his point with the threefold structure of human existence:

• physical
• mental
• spiritual

While the physical and mental realm of a human can be influenced by external factors, the spiritual can’t.

This is one of the last human freedoms.

What does that mean?

It means that you can always choose your reaction.

You can’t decide what’s happening, but you can decide how you react.

How?

By knowing what your meaning is.

How?

By having the “will to meaning”, a motivational force to find purpose and meaning in life.

On the opposite, there’s the existential vacuum.

It’s a consuming emptiness and meaninglessness, when there’s no purpose or direction in one’s life.

Meaning isn’t just there.

As Frankl explains: it’s given.

Meaning, that we all have the choice to give our life meaning.

If you want to understand how everyone can escape even the darkest moments in life, this is the book to read.

If you wish to expand your mind by reading books, read:

• I’m OK — You’re OK by Thomas A. Harris
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
• Games People Play by Eric Berne
• Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl