There’s No Such Thing As “Very Bi”
Sexuality is not something that can be made into a competition.
I see it everywhere.
On dating sites, on swingers apps, even at in-person events.
Women saying that they are “very bisexual.”
That instead of the regular version of bisexual, they are the extra special kind — as if there are varying degrees of being bi. It all sounds like salt added to french fries as if someone can be just a smidge bi or overwhelmingly so.
Yes, of course, there are people that are bicurious or bicomfortable, and hey, you do you.
As someone that once identified as both of those things, I definitely get it. But, on the other end of the spectrum, I feel like the term “very” gets tossed into swinger dating profiles, regular dating profiles, and on anything dealing with unicorns just to emphasize the fact that yes, this woman is into cock AND pussy.
Toxic Word Usage
Sexuality is not something that can be made into a competition.
Adding adverbs or adjectives such as “very” or “super” create a stigma that is not only unhealthy but creates a culture in which others feel they have to do the same to validate their own bisexuality.
What does it even mean anyway?
Does that mean you are more into women than you are men?
For me, as a loud and proud bisexual woman, the very fact that I define myself as bisexual is because I find both men and women sexy. I have sex with both genders. I married a man, but I’ve been in a serious relationship with another woman. But, if you ask me which one I prefer more, I would tell you both.
I’m bi.
That’s it.
Attention Seeking Behavior
I can’t tell you the number of women I see in the swinging lifestyle who identify as bi, even when they have no real sexual interest in women.
They simply say that they do to attract other couples that might be seeking that. As a bisexual woman, when I find out that the other woman “isn’t actually into girls,” it is a bit disheartening. Granted, I don’t always seek a connection with the female half of a couple while swinging, but yeah, it’s a bonus if she’s into me, too.
Pretending to be bisexual is doing nobody any favors.
You are only going to put yourself in an awkward position that you have created all on your own. Lying about being into both genders is not fair to any potential partners that may be seeking just that.
The same goes for what you are willing to do. Women that only do “boob stuff” aren’t really bisexual. I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel. You are at most bicurious, which is again, fine, but don’t pretend to be super into chicks when you can’t even go down on another one.
Overexxageration
I really just don’t understand the need for some bisexuals to emphasize the current state of their bisexuality. Is your bisexuality “more” than it used to be?
Are you going through a big bisexual phase and feel the need to note to others that you are currently “very bi” because you are craving either just a man’s or a woman’s touch.
As a culture, we tend to overexaggerate many, many things. This is no different. Sure, sometimes I get excited about things as well, and I use over-embellished words that sound sparkly and fun, but when it comes to sexuality I just don’t think it is necessary.
Takeaway
There’s no such things as “very bi.” There just isn’t. You are either bisexual or you are not. There is one shade, one speed of bisexuality. Anything leading up to that (bicurious, bicomfortable) is in a whole different classification of its own.
Anytime I hear another woman is very bi, I assume that means she is really into women. When I later find out that she actually would rather suck cock all night instead of putting anything between my legs, that tells me she is a boldface liar.
Listen, it’s okay if you aren’t into both genders. It happens. We’re all different in what and who we find sexually attractive. I’m 100% supportive of everyone living their best life, and with that, having amazing consensual sex with people that they find attractive.
But, it’s not necessary to try and tell me how bi you are. I get it. Most of us do.
The added word makes it all sound less than. Coming to terms with one’s bisexuality is important, and it should never feel like a competition. So, let’s leave the descriptives out of it.
Edited to add: The views expressed here are my own. They will not be the same as everyone’s and that’s okay. This is an opinion piece. Take it for what you will.
© 2021 Keeva Black. All Rights Reserved
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