CREATIVE NON-FICTION
There’s No Snow in My Neck of the Woods
The Frosty Wars: Snowmen Amok
I do my usual scrolling down the interweb and find people who complain about the ginormous amount of snow piled up at their door. Show-offs! I look at the time on my cellphone: 2 pm. And the temperature? 84°F.
Yeah, that’s right! It’s the middle of January, but someone clearly forgot to tell my city because she keeps on being a hottie all year around.
Come sunset, things chilled out a bit. We reached 79°F. Wow.
I know what some of you will say. “Wow, wish I was there. The cold is really bad for my joints!” I hear you. Besides, you are probably right. Excessive amounts of snow make people’s lives more difficult. Still, I must confess I feel a tinge of envy.
You see, I have never had the chance to build a snowman, let alone create an army of them large enough to sustain bloody battles. It is also kind of frustrating not to be able to use the old excuse, “Honey, it’s so cold. Let's go back to bed and stay there until spring comes and shows her pretty face.”
Come on! You know it is delicious to play around under the covers next to a gorgeous woman whose tasty skin requires lots of love to stay warm. Instead, even though winter has come, I have to make my way through sunny days that force me to drink lots of cold mineral water with a slice of lime. ¡Ah, así es la vida en el desierto mexicano!
However, there’s a bit of hope on the horizon. Apparently, next week we’ll go as low as 69°F. Very appropriate, don’t you think?
I’m aware this might just be another case of someone who thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Except you guys currently have no grass because the snow has buried it all. And I also have no grass because my city sometimes gets so hot everything under the sun dries up and dies.
In this day and age, who even manages to own a patch of grass anyway?
So, let us envy each other. I’ll fancy your snow, and you’ll dream of the sunny days I take for granted. Here’s to a future in which we can, at least for a few days, trade places and enjoy a taste of a different kind of weather.
Now, about that green grass…
