DANCING TO THE ALGO RHYTHM

There’s “Claps”, and the Carlo Zeno “Slap”, but We Need a Few More “__aps”

How about a “fap” when a story really gets you off? How about 50 faps?!

Poet, funny guy, Medium messiah, raconteur, and all-around good egg, Carlo Zeno, recently introduced the concept of the “slap.” (Please take the time to read Carlo’s story. But, don’t scurry off just yet. There will be plenty of time to indulge, shortly.)

The “slap” is an idea whose time has come and one which is sure to rocket up the Medium popularity charts.

Expect to see a “slap” icon soon. It’ll be next to the “clap” icon that now exists on the world’s best reading/writing/algorithmatic platform.

Once Carlo’s slap gets its foot firmly in the door, I’d like to see some other “__aps” to “reward” great writing.

Besides, holding a cursor over an icon for a few seconds beats the strain of highlighting — or worse still, commenting — by a country mile.

Fap

I know that “fap” is mostly a guy thing for “choking the chicken” or “spanking the monkey” but, according to the web’s greatest site — Urban Dictionary — “fap” just means masturbation. So gals, think of it as “me time” and you’re back in the “fap” inner circle.

Voting is open for the proper “fap” icon, but I favor 🚀 since it’s profoundly metaphoric and taps into the whole boost program so nicely. Leave your suggestive suggestions in the comments.

Regardless, when you bestow a 50-fap count on a story, the writer is sure to know you cared enough to leave the very best.

After a 50-fap extravaganza, please take the time to rest up and re-hydrate. You’ve earned the privilege.

Crap 💩

With any number of craps you’re telling the writer you regret ever having stepped into the steaming turd of a story you just endured.

However, consider this bit of karmic good news. By the time you’ve left 50 craps and read enough to realize the story deserves it, 30 seconds will have passed and you’ll be doing a good deed while dropping a deuce on a fellow writer.

Badda Bing! Badda Boom! or Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Your call.

Naps 😴

One “nap” — Says “Your story brought on a pleasant sense of calm in our often frenetic world. Thank you.”

Fifty “naps” — Says “Your story bored me to tears. Now I’m shot for the day and there’s not enough caffeine in the world to revive me. Thanks a lot, you weenie.”

Schnapps 🍹

I know the icon is all wrong, but the concept is solid.

I’m drunk with pleasure after reading your story. I hoist one, or 50, in your honor.

Straps 😱

After reading your story I’d like to stop by your house and bind you with seat belts like a recalcitrant airline passenger. Either that or I’m planning to reenact a scene from the soon-to-be-released “50 Shades Of HEY!!”

Strap on, up to 50, to show seriousness of intent.

Anything less than 50 means you’re a namby pamby who’s all talk and no action, or you’ve already been in prison and have no desire to return.

Zaps 🌟

50 — Your story hit me like a contact tazer to the taint.

1 — Barely a tingle. Try harder next time.

If you’ve got clever suggestions, please share them in the comments. I can already feel the groundswell swelling … or something.

Need a palate cleanse after the silage you just endured?

Tagging: Buster Benson, Tony Stubblebine, Barack Obama, Christine Stevens, Alex Baia, cuz you never know.