There’s a Reason the “Good Guy” in Your Life is Single

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changes to what we’ve always done because it’s necessary. We have enough self-awareness to represent ourselves accurately — to potential dates but also to our friends. We don’t have an identity that we promote while behaving in ways that fall outside of alignment with that identity.</p><h1 id="10ac">How We Can Do Ourselves a Favor When Dating</h1><p id="c13e">It doesn’t do our friends any favors to give them all the hype but none of the truth. It only keeps them stuck in the cycle of unfulfilling relationships. Of course, no one likes unsolicited advice, and most people don’t want to hear a litany of things wrong with them. Instead of leveling with the friends who haven’t asked and may not want to know, I think it’s helpful to give ourselves a reality check by asking the people we know and love to hit us with some tough love.</p><h2 id="fd24">Ask Friends for Feedback</h2><p id="3734">It could be important to ask our friends for honest feedback. They might be holding back because we haven’t asked, or they might think we don’t want to know. While we should give feedback gently, it’s still important to be honest about what we’re seeing and how it could be problematic when dating.</p><h2 id="ad03">Ask Friends to Review Our Dating Profile</h2><p id="0e4e">Asking friends to review a dating profile can also help us have more perspective about the way we present ourselves to others. We might be misrepresenting our personality or intentions, or we might have huge red flags in our profile that we just can’t see. It’s not enough to fix the profile. We also have to be willing to do the work to become stronger partners and not just look good on paper.</p><h2 id="3cf3">Ask Friends to Review a Dating Conversation</h2><p id="126f">Sometimes, it helps to pass a friend our phone and ask for honest feedback. I did this once and was told I was overreacting. (Spoiler alert: I really was.) I was too close to see that I was triggered and reading too much into an interaction. It helped to have someone else’s take on what I was seeing. Of course, we want to ask a trusted friend who gives good advice and not one who is notorious for bad dating decisions.</p><p id="3de7">The good person in our life might be single for a reason. Maybe they like it. Maybe they just haven’t found their match. But it’s als

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o possible that they don’t have the self-awareness necessary to find healthy, compatible relationships. If that’s the case, it’s our job as friends to support them — not just to hype them up but to be honest with them also. If our friends are afraid to do it, we need to be the ones asking for the feedback that could help us become better people and potential partners.</p><div id="f607" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/11-common-relationship-behaviors-that-qualify-as-emotional-abuse-40ab5d164515"> <div> <div> <h2>11 Common Relationship Behaviors That Qualify as Emotional Abuse</h2> <div><h3>And what you can do if you’re being emotionally abused</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*N5i6fKUYVi_bjWxS)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9b04" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/its-time-to-grow-up-when-it-comes-to-romantic-rejection-e9c7443b66d3"> <div> <div> <h2>It’s Time to Grow Up When It Comes to Romantic Rejection</h2> <div><h3>The hard truth you might need to hear.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*QpQLbexPSEjlzf4-)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="2377" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/5-self-sabotaging-habits-that-keep-us-from-moving-on-and-healing-0685bf55fa56"> <div> <div> <h2>5 Self-Sabotaging Habits That Keep Us From Moving On and Healing</h2> <div><h3>And how to create new, healthier habits to heal.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*VF7dZ33B55_GSTAs)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Friends don’t let friends run around with red flags

I’m in this social media group where people recommend men that they know who they think are a great catch. They post photos and say why they think this person would be a good partner. They usually comment that they don’t know why this person is still single.

A recent post kept me entertained when commenters began informing us exactly why this one “good guy” was still single. Despite the glowing recommendation from his friend, women weren’t viewing him as a good catch online. Apparently, many women in the group had matched with him on dating apps, and he was giving off f*ckboy energy rather than serious relationship vibes. There was a reason this supposedly good guy was single, and it made me wonder if he misrepresents himself to his friends or if he is just clueless about why his hookup style isn’t resulting in a long-term dating match.

The Importance of Being an Honest Friend

I feel like it’s important that we level with our friends about why they’re still single rather than endlessly hyping them up. My friends are honest with me — sometimes brutally so. I actually appreciate it. I don’t want to be told that I’m perfect and anyone would be lucky to date me. I know that’s not true, and I’m self-aware enough to realize and accept that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, shot of tequila, or extra strong espresso. That’s fine. I wasn’t meant to be. I do know that I would be a great partner — to the right person. I just don’t expect every person I meet to fit that profile.

I sometimes think that the problem between the people who remain single and don’t understand why is that lack of self-awareness. For those of us who’ve been on a personal growth journey, we’ve uncovered our flaws and seen our dating patterns. We’ve made changes to what we’ve always done because it’s necessary. We have enough self-awareness to represent ourselves accurately — to potential dates but also to our friends. We don’t have an identity that we promote while behaving in ways that fall outside of alignment with that identity.

How We Can Do Ourselves a Favor When Dating

It doesn’t do our friends any favors to give them all the hype but none of the truth. It only keeps them stuck in the cycle of unfulfilling relationships. Of course, no one likes unsolicited advice, and most people don’t want to hear a litany of things wrong with them. Instead of leveling with the friends who haven’t asked and may not want to know, I think it’s helpful to give ourselves a reality check by asking the people we know and love to hit us with some tough love.

Ask Friends for Feedback

It could be important to ask our friends for honest feedback. They might be holding back because we haven’t asked, or they might think we don’t want to know. While we should give feedback gently, it’s still important to be honest about what we’re seeing and how it could be problematic when dating.

Ask Friends to Review Our Dating Profile

Asking friends to review a dating profile can also help us have more perspective about the way we present ourselves to others. We might be misrepresenting our personality or intentions, or we might have huge red flags in our profile that we just can’t see. It’s not enough to fix the profile. We also have to be willing to do the work to become stronger partners and not just look good on paper.

Ask Friends to Review a Dating Conversation

Sometimes, it helps to pass a friend our phone and ask for honest feedback. I did this once and was told I was overreacting. (Spoiler alert: I really was.) I was too close to see that I was triggered and reading too much into an interaction. It helped to have someone else’s take on what I was seeing. Of course, we want to ask a trusted friend who gives good advice and not one who is notorious for bad dating decisions.

The good person in our life might be single for a reason. Maybe they like it. Maybe they just haven’t found their match. But it’s also possible that they don’t have the self-awareness necessary to find healthy, compatible relationships. If that’s the case, it’s our job as friends to support them — not just to hype them up but to be honest with them also. If our friends are afraid to do it, we need to be the ones asking for the feedback that could help us become better people and potential partners.