Summary

The author reflects on their recent period of inactivity, acknowledging a lapse in their commitment to their dreams and the necessity of personal change to overcome this challenge.

Abstract

The article titled "The Wrong Kind of Comfort in Misery" marks the author's return after an unintended hiatus, during which they grappled with a lack of motivation and productivity. The author admits to falling into a pattern of self-doubt and inaction, deviating from their previously expressed convictions about hard work and the pursuit of dreams. They describe a struggle with the temptation to accept mediocrity and the pain of not working towards their goals, which they attribute to a fear of failure and the comfort found in stagnation. The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing the brevity of life and the inevitability of death as motivators to avoid regret. They stress that personal transformation is essential and that one must be willing to commit to change, rejecting the notion of external saviors. The article concludes with a call to action for the reader to embrace the challenge of creating a new version of themselves and to not ignore the voice guiding them towards their dreams, emphasizing the value of life's single chance and the interplay between success and failure.

Opinions

The author believes that taking an unintentional break from pursuing one's dreams can lead to a detrimental shift in mindset, fostering complacency and self-doubt.
They assert that failure can be persuasive in convincing individuals to settle for less than their aspirations, leading to a life of unfulfilled potential.
The author holds that the pain of not pursuing one's dreams eventually outweighs the comfort of inaction, serving as a catalyst for change.
They argue that the concept of "rock bottom" is not a prerequisite for change and that individuals are capable of transformation before reaching such a low point.
The author emphasizes personal responsibility in the change process, stating that no one else can save an individual from their own lack of action.
They suggest that the capability to become someone one never wanted to be is evidence that it is equally possible to become the person one aspires to be.
The author posits that life's meaning is enhanced by its finite nature and the presence of challenges, dreams, and the potential for both success and failure.

The Wrong Kind of Comfort in Misery

I’m back, for anyone who cares. Here’s what I learned about taking an unintentional break.

The last article I wrote was on November 14th of last year. That may not seem like a long time to some of you, but it damn sure is for someone like me.

Someone like me, who swore to never do this again.

Someone like me, who already knows what I have to do to actualize my dreams.

Someone like me, who has failed time and time again to put in the consistent effort.

I couldn’t afford to miss a single day, and yet, I missed months.

Each day I miss is a step forward in the wrong direction –– a step towards that doubtful and faithless person who lies to himself. That loser who convinces himself of his wrongdoings. That quitter who positions himself in the state of the victim. That individual who shamefully persuades himself that he could dare accept a life of mediocrity; to dare accept a world in which dreams don’t come true, in which people don’t change, in which talent is given at birth and not molded through hard work.

I’ve been slowly falling that way for these past few months. Sometimes I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

Looking back at all my articles, when have I ever been this person? What happened?

It’s not like I’m actually convincing myself of this weak mindset, so why do I keep going? When will I stop? When will I get this together?

I’ve forgotten what my #1 motivation is: Regret.

I’ve forgotten that life is short and precious and that death is inevitable.

I’ve glorified predictability over inevitability and have had the audacity to cry after I left the results up to the all-powerful hand of inaction.

I don’t know what it is, but I’ve become the weakest, unmotivated person I know. I hate it.

I seriously tried to convince myself that I was “taking time off” all this time. Taking this time off felt a little too good sometimes, but then it really sucked.

In reality, I was just missing days. Days became weeks, weeks became months. I had to make up an excuse to myself as to why I kept ignoring that voice in my head that wondered why the hell I was wasting my life away.

The “break” was never intentional, I just liked the way it felt to stop pursuing my dreams. That is until the pain became unbearable.

Call it depression, call it stress, call it whatever.

I’ve been going through the worst time of my life, and I fail time and time again to climb that ladder that I see so clearly at the other end of the deep and long tunnel.

Failure has a way of beating us down so bad that we may never recover. Trust me, I know. We all know!

Failure has a way of persuading us that life without growth is better for our health and wellbeing. It has a way of convincing us that maybe we will be fine without accomplishing our dreams. Those same, very precious dreams that set our souls ablaze and warm our spirits just thinking about them. Those very dreams that are most like ourselves, our identity. They make us feel most alive, and failure has a way of pulling us away from them.

Over the past few months, if one area of my life went poorly, I let it affect all aspects of my life.

I didn’t want to talk to anybody, connect with anyone, do anything productive, be happy, or work toward my dreams. Everything pissed me off.

Hell, I didn’t even want to dream. I wanted to sulk in the reality of my shitty situation. I wanted to bask in the glory of laziness and lack of motivation. If anything could pull me out of my misery it would be my dreams, my vision of a better life where I outlive my potential.

I want to say that I blocked them out because dreams don’t come true in the “real world”, but that’s just a scarcity mindset I tried to accept to make myself feel better.

I know all too well how one can dream so much that they do nothing, paralyzing themselves. I’ve been there. But if I had to choose between that and lying to myself about whether or not dreams and change are possible, I’ll gladly live the rest of my days dreaming.

Of course, I don’t want to be in either of those two states, but lying to myself hurts. Trying to adopt a mindset I never believed in so that I can live in comfort with my shame is a world of agony and self-loathing that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

I had to realize, just now, that no matter what anyone says to me, I have to be the one to change.

I have to be willing. I have to commit. No one is coming to save me.

I failed to remember my core belief:

I am capable.

I failed to remember that the only way I turn this life of mine around is to become a person I can trust. I’m not there yet.

I have to remember that I don’t have to hit rock bottom to change. As sad as I might sound right now, I haven’t reached it, nor do I need to.

Rock bottom may come when it’s already too late, and it may not yield the results I’d prefer it to yield anyway.

I blamed my lack of motivation as the problem.

I knew all along it was my lack of action, but I had gotten beaten down so bad that I wouldn’t allow my mind to blame myself.

Failure will beat us down so badly that we will shut out anything within ourselves that says we are the problem. We will accept any excuse as long as it has nothing to do with us.

You know how I know change is real? You know how I know we are capable? Because we are most certainly capable of doing the things we said we’d never do. We do it all the time.

If we are certain we can become someone we never wanted to be, why do we act like it’s impossible to become someone we’ve always wanted to be?

I was asked recently when is the last time I had a breakthrough. When was the last time I made a decision to change to accomplish something and never went back to the person I was before?

And you know what? I couldn’t remember. As far as I know, I haven’t had any “breakthroughs”. Any “change” I’ve made has been temporary.

You have to create a new person out of yourself.

If you are out there, and if you are struggling, please do me a favor: Stop ignoring that voice that is trying to lead you toward your dreams.

Stop ignoring that voice that wants you to do the hard things that you know you must do to change and live out your potential.

You only get one life. One. There are no do-overs. In a way that really sucks, doesn’t it?

But what purpose does life have with five thousand chances and twenty-one hundred respawns?

What is life without death?

What are dreams without obstacles?

What is success without failure?

Realize that you are living your only shot at-bat, and you decide if you will come to peace with what your life will become.

I’ve been in a slump. Slumps exist, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay there.

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Love you all, and thanks for reading!