The #1 Reason We Fail Time and Time Again

Why can’t we get ahead?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about why I can’t seem to get ahead in my endeavors in this life.

Why do I get trapped at the same stage every time?

Why is it I end up with some skill good enough to be praised in a small pond but barely noticeable in the spaces I need it to be?

Why is it I keep getting told I have the potential to go far but never get farther?

Why is it I experiment and never find the answer?

Why is it I fail all the time? Why do I fail?

The answers aren’t hard. In fact, I can think of many reasons.

Lately, though, there’s been a realization I have come to that governs all.

It’s a reason that is more than fear, more than impatience, more than a lack of commitment, more than a lack of hard work and effort, more than a lack of consistency and clarity.

The reason I fail is because deep down I never trusted myself to go far and succeed.

Think about it: If you really trusted yourself to do it, — if you really believed you would actualize this dream, no matter what, with no lack of effort on your part — then you would.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in my life lately, it’s that trust is everything.

We usually think of trust as being an external endeavor that comes from within, something dear to us we grant to another person as if it’s some worthy honor they should be grateful for procuring.

We think of trust as something that exists in a relationship, something that we contain that’s meant to be given to those lucky, rare few.

Outwardly trust with others is important. However, the most important type of trust is the trust we have with ourselves.

You may find, if you do some digging, that you don’t trust yourself.

Think of how crazy it is to believe your trust is worthy of being given when you wouldn’t even bestow your trust to yourself.

You can’t even trust yourself to abide by your own word, to follow what you say you’re going to do, what you say you love to do.

It’s one thing to make big plans and big dreams and have the utmost confidence you will succeed, but confidence isn’t the same as trust.

Feel good about all you want to.

Tell everyone about your dreams all you want to. I know it feels good, great even. I do it all the damn time.

But we recognize we aren’t doing anything to move the needle forward.

I don’t care what you talk about. What you are going to do?

We fail to keep at it every time because we never trusted ourselves in the beginning.

Why is it we don’t trust ourselves?

The answer to this question is the same answer I would give if I were asked ‘Why don’t you trust others?’ or ‘What makes you no longer trust the person you once did?’

It’s because people lie. When they lie, it breaks our trust.

It’s funny, we give others very few chances to gain back our trust but give ourselves an abundance of them. That’s how much we bend our rules to make us feel good about lying to ourselves.

As long as we know we will give ourselves another chance, that we will say everything is okay and we will get it done next time, then we can continue to put in shitty effort.

We don’t trust ourselves because we lie to ourselves all the time.

We do nothing we say we are going to do.

We procrastinate.

We say “maybe one day” and chalk it up to the Gods.

God will make nothing happen for you. The universe will make nothing happen for you. Whatever you believe in will make nothing happen for you, but they may make something happen because of you.

We talk as if we have all the time in the world.

We talk as if we are coming back.

We aren’t. Not in this life, at least.

We lie to ourselves constantly. Hell, we lie every time we say we are going to achieve that big dream of ours.

We can’t possibly think that we trust ourselves to achieve such dreams on such a massive scale when we can’t even trust ourselves to do the much smaller tasks we say we are going to do.

Big dreams and plans are composed of small actions in the right direction, anyway. If we can’t trust ourselves to do those small things — small things we lie to ourselves about doing all the time — how in the world can we seriously sit there and speak our dreams into existence as if they will manifest on their own?

It’s that damn confidence I tell ya. Confidence has us so… backward.

Believe me, you need confidence. Sometimes it works. Sometimes.

You need to lie to yourself sometimes to maintain any shred of hope in the heat of the moment when you’ve failed to prepare as you know you should’ve, but it’s much better to trust yourself instead than it is to hope you can maintain a lie.

Ultimately, you can’t fool your mind. Your mind knows when you’re bullshitting.

I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather know that I’ll be okay because I trust myself to pull through, as opposed to lying to myself through sheer confidence and hoping for the best.

It’s much better to know that once you’re in the moment, you will rise to the occasion because you’ve done it before.

It’s much better to know that you can move to that next level because you’ve done your damnedest to manifest the things you say you will do through action, time and time again.

The only way you get out of your slump; the only way you get to that next level; the only way you get started in the first place; the only way you move from “po-tential” to “in-tentional”; the only way you make success inevitable, achieve your wildest dreams; is by becoming a person you can trust so well that you know you will always get it done because you always have.

Trust isn’t just external, it’s internal.

Internal trust is the greatest, most important kind of trust.

You’ve racked up many years of lying to yourself by now

It’s time to become a person who you take seriously.

Until now, I haven’t taken myself seriously enough. I’ve relied on confidence to put on a brave face or hide my lack of preparation, and it shows.

The only way we move forward with trusting ourselves is by taking baby steps.

Next time you say you are going to do something, you need to do it.

Don’t wait.

You need to build back that trust by doing the small things and increasing them exponentially.

I’m all about dreaming big, that’s the only way you should dream, but I need you to dream big and then forget about that dream for a while.

Put it on the back burner.

Don’t think about the overarching goal right now, it’s too far in the future and only makes you impatient, searching frantically for shortcuts until you inevitably quit.

Instead, think about the small consistent steps you must do to move that needle forward each day. Build that trust with yourself by doing those small steps day in and day out until you no longer think your dream is a dream because you trust yourself and your work enough to make it a reality.

The goal is to avoid regret by chasing your future-ideal-self-of-greatness and never reach them.

This is only done by ensuring you become a person who you take seriously.

The goal is that when you say you are going to do something, it’s a big deal. No one doubts it.

You don’t doubt it. Sure, the fears will creep in, but you don’t doubt you’ll achieve it.

Not even in the slightest.

If you’re wondering if we could ever truly and fully be able to trust ourselves so much, then stop wondering.

You’re doing too much thinking.

How the hell would I know, anyway?

The problem with us now is that we spend too much time on questions like that. It’s scarcity-mindset thinking.

Ignore the voice that doubts if we will ever be able to trust ourselves.

Ignore the voice that challenges the possibility or your capability. Work toward it anyway.

What I can be certain of is that the rewards and fulfillment you will receive from heading down the path of trusting yourself and working toward your dreams is a much better path than wondering if it’s even attainable.

Wonder until your deathbed.

But I — and hopefully we — have some work to do.