The Writing Secret that Guarantees a Million Dollars and a Baby Unicorn!

Read on, the answer is just a single sentence hidden in the following 10,000 word article!

Congratulations for clicking on this link! It’s going to change your life. Very soon I will reveal the one simple trick that will have you earning a MILLION dollars from your writing overnight.

What’s that you say? That’s not good enough?

Well, what if I told you that you’ll also receive a BABY UNICORN in the mail not more than three business days after implementing my writing strategy?

That’s right, a totally real BABY UNICORN, just like you always wanted and your dad never let you have. Speaking of dads, read this article and then come back before I tell you any more:

Are you skeptical?

You shouldn’t be, after all everything on the internet is absolutely true! The internet is replete with millionaires who have nothing better to do than sit around all day and painstakingly write articles entirely for your benefit.

Isn’t that nice of them?

Even better, they most often boil down their critical writing secrets into one or two lines that they include as an embedded quote so it’s even easier to see as you’re scrolling through.

But stop your scrolling! Before you get that baby unicorn you have to learn how to care for it.

I mean, do you even know what a baby unicorn eats? That’s not the type of thing that would get written with emphasis after all. You’ve got to read the fine print.

Just kidding!

I’m totally fooling you, did I get ya? There’s nothing complicated about the writing trick that’s guaranteed to get you a million dollars and a baby unicorn. And as far as what unicorns eat, that’s easy:

They eat virgin tears!

Awesome, we all have plenty of those right? This day is just getting better and better.

So take a deep breath

The answer is about to be revealed. I hope you aren’t scrolling ahead because I’m not going to put the answer at the end.

This article is designed to get you to scroll down to the end, then back up to the top, then to hesitate in the middle. But none of that will work.

The only way to get the super duper, top secret answer to earning a MILLION dollars and getting a FREE BABY UNICORN is to read every word slowly and carefully.

Also, you have to stop on every link that I provide, leave a comment, and read every other link embedded in that link.

When you’ve done all that and come back, the answer will be obvious for you.

Speaking of links, here’s one:

Won’t it be great to have that million dollars?

Before we get going, let’s just pause for a moment and reflect on how great having that million dollars will be. I mean, the baby unicorn will be cool too, but let’s face it, you’ll probably get sick of him/her after a couple weeks and drop it off at the animal shelter.

The million dollars though…man, that’s going to change some things.

Then again, Trump’s probably going to collapse the US economy and destroy the value of the US dollar, so maybe it won’t be so great. Have you ever lived in a country that experienced super inflation? I have.

I was teaching this guy who worked in a bank. He said his whole job all day long was just to dump money in exchange for other assets. He got paid at the end of every business day. One day, they paid him by taking him into a room that contained a table overflowing with money. He was like, “What am I supposed to do with this?”

I bet he would have preferred the baby unicorn. Speaking of links, here’s a little public safety announcement:

This article is so much better than literally every other article, am I right?

How to get people to read your posts

When you have a million dollars it’s going to be a lot easier to get people to read your posts. You can hire people and force them to read them. Actually, it doesn’t even matter if the people can read them. All they have to do is click on them.

Click on them people…that’s it…that’s it. Click, clickety, click, click, click.

Here’s one to click on:

Didn’t that feel good? Good for you man, you made the right choice. I’m proud of you. We’re all proud. Even the baby unicorn is proud.

Success, fame, glory, love, happiness

It can all be yours with just one simple trick. One easy trick that anyone can do. You don’t even need to know how to write. You don’t have to know any of the rules of grammar. You don’t even need to be able to choose a good image.

Making a million dollars and getting a free unicorn overnight does not rely on any of the following article tricks:

It doesn’t have to be a great story.

It doesn’t have to be a good headline.

It doesn’t have to be entertaining.

It doesn’t have to be relevant.

You don’t have to promote it on social media.

You don’t have to have any followers.

You don’t have to know what you’re talking about.

It doesn’t have to be based in reality.

It doesn’t have to be real.

You can be lying out of your teeth.

You can even promise people a baby unicorn and they’ll still read it.

I mean, how crazy is that, there aren’t any unicorns.

I know…right? But that’s the awesome beauty of the internet, isn’t it great?

Always leave a lot of white space between your paragraphs.

Readers hate reading words.

They love white space.

Use a lot of quotes.

Use headers.

Always respond to everyone who comments.

Write a million posts.

Don’t pause for eating or bathroom breaks.

The world will open up for you!

You’ll get curated!

The big publications will come banging at your door.

The unicorn comes in a box made of crystal bars.

One in every five unicorns becomes rabid and homicidal within thirty minutes of arriving at your home.

Actually, we recommend that you request not to take the unicorn.

We’ll take it by your silence that you agree not to accept the unicorn.

Well, all that leaves is for us to leave you with the secret to earning a million dollars overnight.

But we said it already.

Didn’t you see it?

Well, we recommend that you scroll back to the top and read this article again from the beginning.

I’m saying “we” but it’s just me.

Yeah, I’m here at home.

And I’m not wearing any pants.

Hello?

In conclusion

Before I get to the conclusion, here’s another link for you to read. Don’t forget to share, comment and clap:

Awesome, now that you’re back! I just wanted to thank you all for joining me on this journey to success. You are successful people. It’s all about having the right mindset.

It’s about believing you’re a success even if you’re writing a blog post from the basement and you aren’t wearing any pants. Plus, the other people who live at your house don’t even know that you’re living there. That’s being a SUCCESS! Yeah!!!

Fake it till you make it!

Or until they catch you and kick you out of the house!

All the information you’ll ever need is available on the internet.

You are beautiful! Have fun spending the million dollars!

Here’s some more information on how to be successful:

We aren’t really sending you a baby unicorn, and by “we” I mean “I.” I’m not doing it. Sorry, I was lying about that, but everything else in this article is true. Everything.

Seriously though, doesn’t it sometimes seem like every article is just like this?