published in ‘the pub’ cuz the smillew clan donnae give a chit about punkuation, capitalization or speling

the winner of the may day ‘deluded custodians’ contest and the june challenge

by carrie ann and lucy furr

lucy at lake tahoe. she thinks she can dig her way to tazmania to see rex. i’m not telling her it’s imposible. i’m barely home from my 48-hour shift at georgia’s, and mamá (you know her as abuelita) has informed me i need to judge the may day contest, pay the winner, make up a challenge for june and put up the prize money.

she told to me, “donnae be stingy.” she says stingy like a bee sting, not stingy like stin-gee. “sé generosa, mija.”

it’s not that i mind working for medium.coma, but it just doesn’t pay well, whether i’m writing about golf, porn, or book reviews, and i feel like i’m being treated unfairly ever since i lost our casa to the tax man, and we had to spend the rest of winter in the yard con los peros. they were not pleased. i’m done with gambling. te lo prometo, mamá. i promise.

winner of the mayday mayday contest:

me.

i’m paying myself the $10. my entry was the closest to solving the puzzle.

that was easy.

2nd place:

by Victor Cardenas

tied for 3rd place:

by Grandma Smillew and

by Robert Gowty

honorable mention:

Message to your pal Miami to meet you in Nevada, where germs go to die, along with politicians, who you bury in your back yard. She had a sinus infection for two weeks. I'll pass on the ten bucks, just rub my shiny head and we'll call it even.

by Philip Mann-Montreal

june challenge: stuck

i feel like i’m stuck in the middle. my older sister, by one hour, stephanie, is a time traveler. she was in a medium.coma for a few years. she dint remember me or katie, my younger sister by half an hour, when she woke from her coma.

last time we saw her, she was at the calzoncillos costco. she was looking for katsuo’s teleportation device. (they keep moving it.) we’ve written so many letters to costco.mgt. even before steph started her journeys. “please stop moving the biscottis. why the fuck did you put the helado in the men’s sock section? and can’t you put the tires back in the main store? the kids loved playing in them.”

stephanie finally found the teleportation device next to the vintage 2020 t.p. and she’s been gone for a week now. so, steph’s daughter, anacita is living with Grandma Smillew and her grandson, billy.

our little sister, katie, has plenty of time to write for medium. she quit her nail tech job, and since Don Drewniak is a medium.exile, she’s lost interest in working at ‘tblisi bar and grill’ where he used to hang out. she always played his favorite tunes, ‘acapulco’ and ‘dance naked’. she walks lucy furr and ziggy bear a lot. it’s therapeutic for her. Patrick Eades killt katie with a garden rake last summer and dumped her in the compost bin, but you already knew that. did i tell you she showed up for her celebration of life at the hookah lounge? alles gut. except, what you may not know is the internet is going down on the Patrick Eades of august. internationally. permanently.

wrapping it up, or, as they say, in a nutshell, i’m doing all the work around here. i feel like i’m stuck in the middle.

for Cristina Cattai and Rachel A Fefer, cat lovers.

so, for the june challenge, write about a place or a time where you’ve been stuck.

the aeropuerto en mexico city overnight?

the elevator en calzoncillos? did Srini rescue you?

are you the middle child in your family?

stuck in podunk or lodi? again?

the prize is $15.

the deadline is June 30, 2023.

leave a link to your post in the responses.

merci.

carry on.

-carrie ann