The Vegetable Stalker Looks At Retirement

Our hero, Veggie Head Stalker, begins to question the path he has taken. Which is normal considering he doesn’t know how he got there.

Continued from The Adventures of the Vegetable Stalker: Preface

Over the years, Veggie and I would enjoy many adventures together. Of course there were those that were hard to swallow, and a few that wouldn’t go down at all, but all in all I think we enjoyed most of them. I know I did. I stayed to write Veggie’s story, but in the end it was I who had the greatest adventure of all. Many looked at what Veggie was trying to accomplish and concluded him to be insane. Perhaps he was, but I quickly learned that even the insane can contribute to the world we live in. That was why the recording of Veggie’s adventures became so important to me, not so much because of what Veggie did but because of what just one vegetable accomplished. Veggie Head was the sort of man who couldn’t be deterred. He once told me that because he found his calling so late in life, he felt he had to work even harder than most men. He no doubt also faced and overcame prejudices that only a vegetable could experience. Because I too had just found my calling, I worked just as hard. Of course my work was that of a scribe putting pen to paper sometimes until my fingers bled ink. But it was Veggie who gave me the stories; I only needed to write them down as he accomplished each new adventure. And the adventures Veggie gave me to write were like none other the world has ever seen. While it is true that adventurers and adventures are rare these days, they still exist. Veggie proved this to me on a daily basis. While I had no income to speak of, I lived the fruits of Veggie’s adventures. Then again, there were those times when the adventure was mine…

The Vegetable Stalker Looks At Retirement

The Vegetable Stalker said to me, “This stalking gig is tough. I’d like to learn another way that maybe ain’t so rough. Was then I said right back to him, “You could write verse just like me.” He laughed and said, “You’re starvin’ Dude. My veggies I gets free.”

So we contemplated going out to try life on the road, but Veggie asked, “What will we do when things start to turn cold?” I said to him, “Well Veggie, Dude, I guess enough’s enough. I’m going to give up on the road before it gets too tough.”

So as the night began to fall an’ we sat ‘round drinking beer, the barmaid said, “It’s time you left. Now get on outta here, but just one thing before you go; could you write for me a poem, then maybe I will take you home and keep you nice and woem.”

“Wow! While the mighty Vegetable Stalker sleeps off a beer-drunk hangover (I told him to add tomato juice to his beer, but he just hasn’t gotten over that whole tomato thing) this writer gets a bit of much needed attention. If you know what I mean. As for my retirement — well the perks are pretty good even if the money ain’t there.

Did you see that? The poet got picked up by a barmaid. Would somebody get Veggie a really big cup of coffee, and a bottle of aspirin? Better yet, could you run a willow tree through a wood chipper and feed it to Veggie? He’s hurting really bad. He’ll need to get over it before his next big adventure, Veggie Goes To Work.

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