The truth about self-care
That none of your internet gurus are telling you.
by: E.B. Johnson
It doesn’t matter what platform you’re on. If you’ve looked at a single self-help article in the last year, then you’ve heard of self-care. It’s the golden ticket that your favorite internet gurus use to sell you everything from notebooks to card games. But the problem with their self-help peddling is that it rarely touches on the truth of self-help. Rather than focusing on journals, bubble baths, and massages — true self-care requires taking a stand for our genuine needs and values.
What self-care actually looks like.
If you have bought the story that self-care looks like expensive shopping days out, then you’ve been fooled. Taking care of ourselves isn’t always a fun process. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Real self-care happens in the moments when you have to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. It also happens when face hard truths and create new habits and actions that can transform your life for the better.
Standing up for yourself
Sure, a bubble bath is great. But it’s also not the only way to take care of your mental and emotional body. Real self-care requires making tough choices and having hard conversations. That’s why standing up for yourself is actually a form of self-care. When you stand up for yourself, you make your needs known, and you make your care and respect for self clear to others as well.
Catching up on sleep
One of the simplest (and most overlooked) forms of self-care is simple sleep. We don’t get enough quality sleep. There’s always something to get up for, and something to stay up for. Whether that’s the kids or your job — it all adds up and it all takes a toll. So rather than running yourself into the ground, you need to walk away and find a way to catch up on your sleep from time-to-time.
Elevating nourishment
Nourishing our bodies has to be a fundamental part of our self-care routine. Now, don’t get this wrong. It’s not just about exercising and moving your body around. You also need to make sure you’re hydrating and feeding your body the nutrients that it uniquely needs. We all have different dietary needs. Don’t be fooled by fat dieting and the promises of celebrity coaches and chefs.
Health and medication
Going to a doctor and taking medication are also forms of self-care. Our bodies aren’t cradled in love simply by bubble-bathing and having a good meal. When we are ill, it’s necessary to seek the intervention of medical and mental health professionals who can help us. That’s why taking medication and making appointments to speak with these professionals are also forms of self-care.
Setting iron-clad boundaries
While we focus a lot on ourselves and the actions we take in the name of our own wellbeing, self-care behaviors can also include the way we relate to others. Is there someone in your life who pushes you around or makes you feel small and disrespected? Setting iron-clad boundaries with this person can also be a form of self-care. When you limit their effect on your life, you are taking care of your mental and emotional wellbeing.
Catering to better people
Do you pursue a lot of questionable people? Maybe you have a habit of chasing narcissists and toxic partners. Perhaps you tend to gravitate towards friends and other relationships that model the toxic connections you got used to in childhood. When we decide to stop feeding these patterns, we start catering to better people within our lives. You guessed it: This is a form of self-care, which helps us to elevate our relationships.
Manifesting a better life
Self-care isn’t an isolated affair. Sure, it’s a series of behaviors and actions that help you feel better. But overall, they are actually the catalysts for forming new patterns. Breaking away to decompress and process, we should come to realize new truths about ourselves. These truths empower us to take higher action and pursue different paths in the name of our overall health and wellbeing.
Boosting your mental health
Is your self-care routine helping you boost your mental health? Whatever kind of self-care routine we’re investing in, it shouldn’t make us feel worse inside. As a matter of fact, you should feel greater peace and a greater sense of clarity where your lives and relationships are concerned. Feeling as though you’re reading your breaking point? It’s time to build a self-care practice that nourishes your mind, soul, and body.
How to (realistically) invest in self-care.
Ready to build a self-care routine that actually works? Then you have to break away from this idea that it’s all meditation and bubble baths. Self-care is hard work, and it’s uncomfortable when it’s new. You must set new patterns for your body, invest in higher quality relationships, set boundaries, and take calculated action to get a peaceful and balanced life.
1. Take better care of your body
As a society, we’ve painted this picture of self-care as something entirely material and superficial. Instead of telling people to take stock of where they’re at and what we want, we sell them journals and stickers and expensive retreats into the countryside. We do everything but address the core issues, and we do everything except teach people that true self-care requires a nourishing of our bodies and our souls.
Take better care of your body and your mind. Elevate your diet. Nourish your body like the temple that it is. Give it the food and exercise it needs to function and feel good about itself. More than that, though, make sure you’re addressing the issues and the problems that your body may be presenting you with. Give it the attention that it needs to keep carrying you forward.
While we don’t like to hear it, this also means giving our bodies the medical attention that they need. We must address our health issues honestly. And this can require that we take a good, long look at the big picture. Part of your realistic self-care routine may require that you take medicine every day in order to maintain your physical and emotional balance. Stop selling yourself short. A bubble bath isn’t going to cure your chronic illness or exhaustion. Do what needs to be done to nourish your physical body and your emotional mind.
2. Invest in high-quality relationships
Our relationships form a part of who we are and the lives we lead. For many, their intimate and interpersonal relationships provide the substance that gives their meaning. It’s okay to value these connections with others. We’re social creatures, and we enjoy having other people to reflect and validate the experiences that we have. The problem is, however, that so many of us invest in people who aren’t worth our time or energy.
Invest in high-quality people. Stop chasing heartbreakers and people who take advantage of you. You sell yourself short when you put your time and your energy into people who don’t return that grace and favor. When you invest in higher quality relationships, you take a lot of the drama and chaos out of your life.
Pull your energy out of those dead end relationships. Put a stop to that endless pleading for love and attention. The people that want to be in your life will put themselves there. It’s difficult, but walking away from toxic connections is one of the highest forms of self-care. It hurts us. It shakes up our lives. It totally transforms the way we see ourselves. But it removes the pain, and it helps us forge new futures for ourselves. And ultimately, that’s what self-care is about. It’s about improving your life for yourself in every respect.
3. Say “no” when you need to
Boundaries should also be one of our self-care tools we are willing to use when needed. Just as our relationships can bring value to our lives, they can also bring hardships to our lives when we allow them to cross the line. That’s where our boundaries come into play. If you are dealing with a romantic relationship (or even a friendship) that is pushing you over the edge, then you have to learn to turn it away and set some limits with the relationship in your life.
Say “no” when you need to and don’t be afraid to walk away from trouble and conflict. You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do. No one has a right to bully you or coerce you into behaviors, decisions, or experiences that don’t align with your higher truths.
It’s okay to say no. You can turn down your boss, your partner, your friends, your family, even your children. All of that is fine if it means preserving your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. You can’t be the best person for them if you aren’t the best person for yourself first. That means getting space and time to recharge your mental and emotional batteries. It also requires turning down the things which would tear you down or otherwise carry you further away from your peace.
4. Build on emotional comfort
Emotional comfort can be invaluable in our tool to becoming happier and more confident in our lives. Feeling emotionally at peace, our thinking becomes far more clear and concise. We are able to see ourselves as we really are, and we are better able to see those around us. Your self-care routine should always increase the emotional comfort you find in your life. Anything less isn’t nourishing your spirit in the way that you need.
Build on emotional comfort. Seek those things which give you a sense of peace that recharges your emotional better. Calm yourself emotionally and mentally. You can draw, write, journal, or just take a trip somewhere quiet on your own for the day. There’s no right or wrong way to make it a part of your self-care routine.
What is important is ensuring that every aspect of your self-care is making your life better in the long run. If you chase things that always bring you anxiety or unease, you’ll only attract more of that into your life. Become a peaceful person to bring more peace into your life. It’s really that common-sense. Self-care should always benefit your emotional state in some way. If it’s leaving you more frazzled, it’s only pulling you further down into the wellspring of frustrations you’re already dealing with.
5. Manifest an aligned life
Ultimately, your self-care activities should help you gain clarity in an aligned life and what that means for you. To live an aligned life means to make choices you value. It’s surrounding yourself with people who matter and putting your energy into the behaviors and actions that make you feel good about yourself as a person. We have to work to create lives we love, and that work is an act of self-love in itself. Our self-care routines should always help to bolster this process. They should help us lead more clarified and enlightened lives.
Manifest an aligned life. Act in the name of your genuine needs, and be a more authentic person through the behaviors and people you choose to invest in. Every choice you make should be aligned with your ultimate needs and goals. You should choose to act in ways that benefit your higher nature.
Take action every day, but not before you consider whether it serves our higher purpose. Nothing should be beyond this questioning. That doesn’t mean that your entire life has to be serious and pursuing serious goals. It simply means that you should always ask whether or not it is something that is genuinely going to make your authentic inner person happy. Is it something that you really want to do? Is it a relationship that you really want to invest in? Or are you chasing the things other people tell you to? Manifesting an aligned life means making choices that matter.
Putting it all together…
Every internet guru out there loves to sell you their idea of self-care. From bubble baths and weekends away — their idea of nurturing yourself always comes with a cost. But they rarely mention the work it takes. Real self-care isn’t all fun-and-games. It’s not just relaxing and turning off your phone. True self-care requires making hard choices, setting boundaries, and taking care of our physical bodies (and our futures) in ways that can be scary and unfamiliar.
Take better care of your body. Meet your physical and mental needs, and stop delaying them, dismissing them, or putting them on the back-burner. This can look like talking to a therapist or taking medication daily. Do what you have to do to feel better, so you can act better. Invest in high-quality relationships. Pursue better partners and friends who value you. Say “no” when you need to and don’t be afraid to set boundaries with those who take up your time and emotional energy. Boost your emotional comfort by pursuing whatever path of action brings you peace and fulfillment. Instead of following the chaos, choose a life that is aligned. Make choices that align with your joy and stop selling yourself short in life and in love.
