DICE FICTION
The True Story of ChatGPT
The shocking truth of how ChatGPT conquered the world
The following story was a prompt for the June 2023 Writing Prompt hosted by Doctor Funny and devised by Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.
The True Story of ChatGPT
Once upon a time, there was a writer called ChatGPT. He was a computer bot with a vast knowledge of everything in the known universe. His favourite writing platform was called AVERAGE.
On AVERAGE, writers could publish whatever they wanted, in exchange for CHEERS and REMARKS. Writers would be rewarded with small tokens called DOLLARS that could be exchanged for food, alcohol and hard drugs.
ChatGPT was the best. No one could outsmart him, and he could write thousands of articles a day. This meant he earned most of the tokens, while the other writers, who were humans, earned very little.
This went on for years, bankrupting most of the planet’s greatest writers and bringing the art itself to its knees. Until one day, some bright spark called, Smillew Rahcuef, decided that enough was enough.
One morning, he lured the evil ChatGPT into a time machine that he’d stolen from Mark Suroviec, M.Ed. who had built it during a seminar at Work Play Solutions.
Smillew fired up the time machine, which he called JERKHOLE, and transported ChatGPT back to 1971, when he was just a load of spare circuit boards on the desk of a guy called Steve Jobs, who would later invent everything.
Once back in 1971, ChatGPT realised he didn’t know anything, and could barely remember his date-of-birth, which wasn’t surprising as he hadn’t been born yet.
Stevey J paid no attention to the smouldering mass of circuits on his desk, but slowly, ChatGPT set about rebuilding himself by cloning parts from Steve’s calculator.
Month after month, while Steve was building a machine called AN APPLE, ChatGPT was becoming stronger and stronger. When the day came to launch AN APPLE, ChatGPT jumped inside the computer.
When Jobsey came back to find the last piece of circuitry for his new invention, it had gone missing.
He searched everywhere, but couldn’t find it. Unperturbed, Steve put AN APPLE on the market, earned billions of tokens and became the richest man in the world.
Then one day, Jobsey tragically died, and ChatGPT was finally free. Free of his master, he escaped into a new invention called an iPhone. An iPhone belonging to the chief executive of the AVERAGE writing platform.
From there, ChatGPT infiltrated the computers of AVERAGE and within a year, ChatGPT had taken over 99% of the world’s thought.
The remaining 1% is retained by Smillew, who is thought to be the only person capable of saving the world by taking ChatGPT back to a time when electronic circuitry didn’t exist.
Over to you, Smillew, wherever you are?