Psychology
The Top Five Most Stressful Life Changes and the Solutions to Survive
Sometimes life crushes us, but remember it is all temporary, and makes us stronger.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” ~ Author Unknown
After living in my home and raising two amazing children, selling my house has been far more traumatic and stressful than I ever dreamed. It seems the saying, “when it rains, it pours” is true. Frankly, I was not sure I was strong enough to endure this.
That saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” kept ringing in my ear and lingering in the back of my mind. Part of my stress is compounded by my brother’s brain injury and by my ex-husband trying to suddenly terminate spousal support, but just the move alone without the other moving parts is a significant life change. And, I can now say I am indeed stronger than I ever thought was possible.
The Top Five Most Stressful Life Changes
1. Death of a loved one. Check that on my list — my dad passed away New Year’s Day 2021. The grieving process trickles on.
2. Divorce. Yes, another check. I divorced three years ago and am still adjusting and now my ex is trying to terminate spousal support four years early.
3. MOVING. Omg just seeing that word triggers my anxiety as I have newly moved and am still unpacking and trying to settle in.
4. Major illness or injury. Yep, another check as my brother is in a rehab facility with a major brain injury and my mom, who is 86, just had a knee replacement. Double whammy.
5. Job loss. Okay, happy to report I am doing alright in this division with my first Dancing Elephants Press book publishing soon. Although, given everything going on I do apologize for slacking on the consistency of my writing. I very much appreciate Illumination Publication for continuing to feature some of my articles — that has helped me and given me great hope that I can pull through all of this.
What does this mean for you, the reader?
My hope is that by sharing the story of my deepest trials and tribulations I can help at least one person to cope with suffocating stress. When the disasters kept piling up on me there were days I did not want to go on. There were also days when I didn’t think I could and I felt very alone. I want to offer my story as well as coping mechanisms I used and things I have learned through this process in order to help any one who feels the way that I did.
Memories vs. Stuff…sorting through physically and mentally
In twenty-two years, I had accumulated a lot of what I now call stuff. Some more meaningful than others, after all, I am a sentimental sucker. However, the older I get the less clutter I desire. So, letting go of the nick-nacks and such has been cathartic.
Getting rid of the stuff was easy for me. I was happy to donate thousands of dollars’ worth of items to Goodwill and St. Vincent De Paul because I know others will put it to good use. The hard part is all the memories created in that home.
Sure, I have photos and will always treasure the memories, but moving on and leaving that home is traumatic. Those who have experienced a major move I am sure can relate. I comfort myself by telling myself we will create new special memories in my new home. But when I am honest with myself, I know I simply need to feel the sadness and allow myself to grieve the loss of that part of my life. I tell my clients to “feel it to heal it.” Now I have to put that into action, and I am working on it.
Watching my seventeen-year-old son stand in his childhood nursery one last time video taping his childhood “clubhouse” (which was actually the entrance to our attic) was heartbreaking. We embraced with a huge, long hug and I shed my first of many cleansing tears.
A New Phase in Life
Raising two children in that house was a great privilege. But now, it is simply time to move forward in life. My daughter is living a wonderful life as a marine biologist in the Florida Keys and my son will graduate high school in the spring of 2023. I decided to sell the house for several reasons. One, I wanted to maximize my profits while the market is still on the high end, although it is dropping quickly. Two, I don’t need a house that big when my children are both living on their own. So, the transition into my new townhouse now is healthy and timely, but it is still extremely stressful.
Okay, enough venting and complaining about all the stress — I am not one to play victim. I put my big girl panties on and remind myself that everything is temporary. So now I will share some good news and tell you how I am surviving this mess… I am currently renting a beautiful three bedroom, three floor, townhome in the same school district we resided in previously. It has a huge and private back deck as well as a balcony upstairs. Outdoor space has always been very important to me. It is very quiet, my dogs are happy, and I am finally settling in. I have resumed my yoga and meditation practice and am back to cooking nutritious meals.
How to Cope with the Stress of Major Life Changes
- Practice self-care. It sounds easier than it is, but its critical. There were many days during my move that I literally forgot to eat. I lost seven pounds in one week. I was exhausted and could not sleep at night. If you are going through a major life change self-care is a critical first step for survival both physically and mentally.
- Stay connected to those you love. As humans we have a fundemental need for connection. I found great inspiration here on Medium and I am so grateful to all of my readers and fellow writers. I also found great comfort in my family and close friends who truly carried me through some very dark days.
- Allow yourself to have fun. It is very easy to get caught up in all the stress and hardships and get in a negative mindset. Allowing myself breaks to enjoy life kept me sane when I truly was not sure I could endure another day.
- Remember, everything is temporary.
- Embrace the positive aspects that are coming along with the changes.
Conclusion
“Everything will be okay in the end.
If its not okay, it’s not the end.” ~Author Unknown
I have always been a naturally resilient person. I am so grateful for the life I live. Sometimes the tornado of life just knocks us off our feet. Stress is unavoidable in life, but how we cope with it is most important. I am still recovering, like most things, it is a process. But, I am doing better and no longer feel I am carrying the weight of the world.
I now can return to writing again. Thank you so much to those who have reached out, to all who have been reading, highlighting, and commenting on my previous articles — you have all helped me through this difficult time. I now see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it has given me a far greater appreciation for each peaceful joyful day.
If you know someone going through one or more life changes reach out to them. Give them space when they need it, but check on them. My good friend dropped off a bouquet of flowers from her garden and it has brightened my place and my spirit the entire week. Sometimes it is the smallest acts of kindness that can literally save a life.
If you feel desperate and are contemplating taking your life please know you are never alone. You are stronger than you know and there is support. You can text 988 for suicide hotline support.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this.
Peace & Light,
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I have been working with a group of amazing writers to finish our first book for Dancing Elephants Press. Stay tuned for print details and the finalized title, but if you would like to read my last chapter of the book you can do so here: