The Tao Of Spyder: Part Deux
Fifty more rules to live by
I’m Spyder Darling. In my 61 years of walking the Earth I’ve been some places, done some things and learned a few lessons. Here are 50 more of ’em. Please use for good and not evil.
51. As time goes on, it’s now or fughetaboutit.
52. People are only human. But that’s no excuse to act like one of them.
53. Better late than pregnant.
54. As ye behave, so shall ye be.
55. You can’t pop wheelies on a unicycle.
56. Going for broke is an excellent way to go broke.
57. Any weekend you wake up from was a good one.
58. No run is as long as when the battery dies on your music player.
59. Never underestimate the power of positive napping.
60. Imitation is the most sincere form of being ripped off.
61. Life is like a football game. You only get the ball so many times. Make the most of every possession.
62. Unless you’re the ’72 Dolphins, you’re gonna lose a game or two. Deal with it. Learn from it and try for perfection again next season.
63. You were right the first time.
64. If you are anti-abortion, don’t have one.
65. If you are against the death penalty, don’t kill anyone.
66. More kicks less’s ass.
67. Whoever dies with the biggest TV wins.
68. It’s not too late today. But it will be someday. Busy yourself accordingly.
69. If you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?
70. Less fussing. More hustling.
71. You can’t change the world. But you can change yourself. And who knows what that might do.
72. The road to Hell is paved with CVS receipts.
73. Limits, like buttons, were meant to be pushed.
74. The enemy doesn’t hit the snooze button.
75. Cancel not, yet ye be cancelled.
76. Brunch is the most important meal of the week.
77. There are three things that cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and Monday morning.
78. One thing you can say for Tuesday. It’s not Monday.
79. Better knocked down than knocked up.
80. Life is a cycle of uninterrupted interruptions.
81. The road to Hoboken is paved with good intentions.
82. No brainers aren’t so obvious if you don’t have a brain.
83. Look before you leap of faith.
84. The one that got away yesterday won’t be stalking you today.
85. A Hershey’s miniature after dinner doesn’t make you a sinner.
86. It was the most tolerant of times. It was the most intolerant of times.
87. It is better to rock to the top together than roll to the bottom alone.
88. Don’t knock off more than you bring to the table.
89. It was the most non-judgmental of times. It was the most judgmental of times.
90. My door is always ajar.
91. A watched notification bell never rings.
92. The best things in life are really expensive.
93. It’s easy to call it a night when you run out of beer.
94. New isn’t always improved.
95. Actions speak louder than adverbs.
96. In order to have a heart to heart conversation the other person has to have a heart.
97. Better to just go through the motions than not go at all.
98. Let a smile be your umbrella. And bring a real umbrella too so as not to appear completely insane while smiling in the rain.
99. You don’t get a second chance to make a third impression.
100. When out and about, never talk to anyone holding a clipboard.
Thanks a trillion for reading! Please check out, our revisit the original Tao Of Spyder for my first fifty tips on getting through la vida without going loca.
Finally, if this is your last free story of the month, why not join Medium as a paid member? For less than five bucks a month you can read until your eyes bleed and go down more literary rabbit holes than Buffalo has snow!
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© 2022 by Spyder Darling
