The Tao Of Spyder

Fifty nifty rules to live and try by

I’m Spyder Darling. In my 60 years of walking the Earth I’ve been some places, done some things and learned a few lessons. Some more serious than others. Such as…

1. It doesn’t have to be super perfect. In most cases regular perfect is just fine. Remember the fork goes to the left of the knife and get on with your life.
2. Don’t drown in water that’s already under the bridge. Objects in the rear view mirror should stay that way.
3. Sooner kicks later’s ass. Get ‘er done and off your mind so you can enjoy your pork rinds.
4. Under the skin, there is but one color. Black, white, brown, yellow, green and all colors in between, we all bleed red.
5. Get after it before it gets after you. Objects in the rear view mirror are getting closer by the minute.
6. Today it’s not too late. But tomorrow it might be. And the day after tomorrow? Fuhgettaboutit.
7. Abs are revealed or concealed in the kitchen, not the gym. You can’t outrun a crap diet.
8. Empathy = Mercy x Compassion Squared. You don’t have to be an Einstein to be compassionate and kind.
9. On your mark. Get set. Grow.
10. Practice makes doesn’t suck. Or at least makes doesn’t suck as bad. Trust the process and get yourself started.
11. When exercising, if you didn’t sweat, you’re not done yet. And that “sports drink” probably has more calories than you just burned off. Stick to water and save the fun refreshments for happy hour.
12. Root with your heart. Bet with your head. And a parlay is an excellent way to part with your money.
13. Never quit never quitting. Persistence, dedication and determination are key. And of course, coffee. ☕️
14. Don’t doubt yourself. That’s what haters are for. Do your best you and never mind the wanna be players without the balls to get in the game in the first place.
15. Sleep is for people who can’t stay up.
16. A run a day keeps the crazies away. And if you can’t run, a brisk stroll or walk will do. Anything to get you outside for half an hour to an hour a day, to keep those vexing voices at bay.
17. Don’t confuse what you want to do with what you need to do. You may want to play Fortnite all day, but if you don’t pay the electric bill, it’s game over.
18. Breakfast is the most important meal of the morning. Eat like a king first thing, a prince at lunch and a pauper in the evening. And snack like a thief in between.
19. Everyone wants to eat healthy until it’s time to do some healthy eating. Sometimes ya gotta say what the kale.
20. You can’t shine if you don’t rise.
21. The most important promises to keep are the ones you make to yourself.
22. Move it or lose the ability to use it. Lose the Roomba, jump around while you still can and tell Alexa, to take a rest-a!
23. When cooking, stay in the kitchen. Things can go south real fast when you step away “for a sec.” And while you’re at it, leave the phone in another room too.
24. Fewer words. More action. Sometimes, with the right actions, you don’t need any words at all.
25. Better to start where you are today than be in the same place tomorrow, next week or next year. Or the year after that, or five years from now or just plain fughetaboutit, as they say in Brooklyn.
26. Objectivity is the objective. Sometimes up close can be too personal. If you want to see the big picture, take a step back. (Unless taking mountaintop or canyon edge vacation photos.)
27. Never mind TGIF. TGFED: Thank God For Every Day. If you woke up this morning, be thankful. Lots of people weren’t so lucky.
28. You don’t have to climb every mountain. But get to the top of the ones you choose. Like friends, political candidates and pizza toppings, choose your goals carefully. Even a Sicilian slice can only hold so much. 🍕
29. Yoga, it does an anxious mind and tense body good. Wanna get composed? Strike a pose. And don’t forget to breathe, slow and regularly.
30. Wake up. Time to try. You’ll never know what you can accomplish if you don’t get up and give it the ol’ community college try.
31. Do important things in the order that they should be done. Then you can have a muffin. Or a bagel, hot dog or piece of my personal favorite reward du jour, pizza. 🍕
32. Just because it’s the weekend doesn’t mean it’s time to be weak. Don’t let your hard earned gains go down the drain. Logic like that is hard to explain.
33. Only bring your “A” game. There’s less to pack that way. And who needs extra baggage fees?
34. Everybody dies. But not everybody lives. Which body do you want to be? Decide carefully, because you don’t get any do-overs in the game of life.
35. Do your best today, so you can do better tomorrow. Better to raise the bar than wake up under it.
36. It’s never too nice out to stay inside. No one ever got heat stroke while lying on their couch in an air conditioned room whilst reading a favorite book with a refreshing beverage withing reach.
37. Thirst things first. For quenching purposes, natural, unsweetened iced coffee, tea, seltzer and plain ol’ water work best. And remember, the first three letters in all diet drinks are D-I-E.
38. Low expectations never let you down. Don’t raise the bridge, lower the river.
39. The best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. Try walking, yoga or chewing sugar free gum instead of smoking and dramatically decrease your chance of croaking.
40. Your style is your brand. Make sure it’s a good look for you. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.
41. Like it or not, you are a role model to someone. Are you the hero or villain? Choose your role carefully and be aware how the story ends.
42. Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till next week. That way you can catch up today on the stuff you didn’t do yesterday.
43. Judge people by their actions, not their words. Talk is cheaper than unlimited text. Action (or inaction) is where true character is revealed.
44. It’s always darkest after the electricity gets turned off. Enlightenment is fine. But if you really don’t want to be left in the dark, be sure to pay your electric bill on time.
45. Just because you crave, doesn’t mean you cave. Don’t blow your hard earned gains on a momentary loss of appetite coordination.
46. You either want it, or you don’t. If you do, you’ll do what it takes to get it. If not, don’t waste your time, sit back and enjoy the pork rinds
47. You don’t kill time. Time kills you. Busy yourself accordingly.
48. Boundaries, like elevator buttons, were meant to be pushed. And if you want to get to the top, don’t hit the down button.
49. If you really want to see someone get upset, tell them to calm down. Furthermore “take it easy” can have equally entertaining results.
50. You never know how much you have until you have to shred it. And keep emptying the shredder.

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Finally, if this is your last free story of the month, why not join the Medium team as a paid member? For less than five bucks a month you can read until your eyes bleed and go down more literary rabbit holes than Buffalo has snow!

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© 2021 by Spyder Darling