The Surprising Effects Of Boundaries in Relationships
Boundaries sound like they should make you unapproachable and distant but they tend to have the opposite effect
“Personal boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves as individuals in relationships.” -Psychotherapist Deborah Hecker Ph.d
In healthy relationships, those boundaries aren’t there to drive partners apart. They are in place to reduce the discomfort and that mind-numbing stress that can come with the lack of limits. In essence they keep partners from losing themselves and being drained.
“They protect our sense of personal identity and help guard against being overwhelmed by the demands of others.”
Although there can be sone initial difficulty in setting up boundaries, especially when you’re in a relationship they are too important to ignore because they ultimately lead to happier, healthier relationships.
The surprising effects:
They can bring you closer together
You would think boundaries should be like lines drawn to limit proximity and put some distance between you and other people.
On the contrary, however, they end up providing a sense of safety in your relationships, and the safer you feel, the closer you allow people who respect those boundaries to come.
“When you establish your boundaries and are respectful of your partner’s boundaries, you can both feel safe and secure and will more likely experience love toward each other.” - Psychologist and relationship expert Susan Orenstein, Ph.
They make you appear more interesting and more attractive to people
When you maintain firm, healthy boundaries people come to see you as someone who is confident, disciplined, and mature enough to take responsibility for your life.
People recognize you are a self-respecting individual who understands not only your needs but the needs of others and can communicate effectively.
Perhaps it’s also because boundaries facilitate self-care and the better you feel, the better you relate with other people. This state makes you appear more interesting, and makes people more attracted to you that they want to get closer.
It may seem all counterintuitive but, because you set up and maintain healthy boundaries you can actually get closer and experience higher levels of relationship satisfaction with the people who respect them.
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