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Abstract

d over the phone like I was?</p><p id="da3a" type="7">How about this: Try to picture Ivanka, the object of her creepy father’s even creepier lust, punching a time clock! That will happen around the same time I start flying jets.</p><p id="709d">Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. I mean, if I could make my own sea salt while basking under the Mediterranean sun, wouldn’t I bleat about it later? Shit, no. I would not.</p><p id="1c29">So you know, the column’s focus was on scent and how it evokes particular memories. Here is the passage that set me off:</p><p id="d741"><i>When I was in Spain this summer, we sun-dried our own sea salt in Majorca, then went to a little shop near where we ate dinner to buy flor de sal harvested from the same Ses Salines salt flats. When I popped open the can — later back at home, my kids shouted, “it smells like Majorca!”</i></p><p id="c3f4">“Gee, kids! How cool is that? Know what? Get outta here”</p><p id="d35c">For those of us who don’t vacation in Majora, <i>flor de sal</i> means Salt Flower. Now, is it me, or is this type of self-important strutting gag-worthy?</p><p id="0c73">I’m not so offended by the message as much as I am by the way it was conveyed. As if the messenger had no clue of the disparity around her and the reality that people are struggling to make ends meet, for God’s sake. Struggling to feed themselves and their families. Working for minimum wage.</p><p id="051d">I get that this magazine is about beauty, not our country’s economy but all I can say is, the salaries must be pretty damned good.</p><p id="22b4">We, as writers, understand that words are powerful and the <i>way</i> in which we say things is as important, or maybe more so, as <i>what</i> we’re putting out into the world. I’ve learned this particular lesson the hard way. More than once.</p><p id="d5bd">Admittedly, I’m particularly sensitive in that I haven’t received an actual paycheck in almost two years. And I’m better than that. Much better, yet I can’t seem to catch a break. So, where someone else might read the editorial and think of it as “aspirational,” I think, “WTF?” Just as I do when I see TV commercials touting luxury automobiles as holiday gifts. What world are we living in?</p><p id="8d58">This is what doesn’t compute: While the editor raves about her kids raving about Majorca, there are other, less privileged children starving in this country. Their parents would love to afford a bus ticket, let alone a first-class airline ticket to Spain.</p><p id="f2ee">A little empathy for others, folks. That’s all I’m asking.</p><p id="184a">According to <i>nokidhungry.org</i>, in the United States, one in seven children lives with hungry. The bigger picture: According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA), more than eleven hundred children in our country live in “food insecure homes,” which means the family members don’t get enough to eat in order to live in a manner that’s deemed “healthy.”</p><p id="7845">Maybe the editor should set her cannister of DIY sea salt aside and chew on these stats:</p><p id="1300"><b>Over 4.5 million U.S. kids live in food deserts and lack access to grocery stores with fresh fruits and vegetables.</b></p><p id="742e"><b>On average, children in rural areas are more likely to experience food insecurity and lack access to quality health services.</b></p><p id="7f6a"><b>Close to 1 in 3 American children are overweight or obese, and obesity in children has more than tripled over the past 35 years, putting children at higher risk for serious, even life-threatening health problems.</b></p><p id="a02e"><b>In communities where Save the Children works, an average of 59 percent of children do not have access to fresh, healthy foods; in some areas, it’s as much as 98 percent.</b></p><p id="bc2d">Here’s more self-satisfied bunk from the editorial:</p><p id="c1b6"><i>In (country), last summer, my daughter and I treated ourselves one afternoon to tea at the (uber-luxe) hotel. Now, the scent of not only jasmine tea but also jasmine fragrances brings me half a world away to that fancy dining room, nibbling on tiny sandwiches

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and cakes.</i></p><p id="0408">Again, maybe I’m being unfair and bristly. But the manner in which this was written is offensive, in my humble opinion. Plus, the older I get, the less idiocy I can tolerate.</p><p id="712b">Maybe if she’d included some type of giveaway to the first fifty readers who wrote back via email, describing their favorite scents and what they evoked for them. Jasmine fragrance oil could be the giveaway. I don’t know.</p><p id="7d81">Perhaps this editor should stick to writing about lip conditioners and designer perfumes and the wonders of glycolic acid. Meanwhile, if the craving for a “tiny cake” should come upon her, she could always shove a Twinkie up her bum.</p><p id="444c">I’d like to thank <a href="undefined">Helen Cassidy Page</a> for her input here. She gave me the virtual slap upside the head that I needed. But, sweetly.</p><p id="6d7e"><i>Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.</i></p><p id="2284">As always, I appreciate your reading. If you’re up for more:</p><div id="974d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/haiku-how-to-51d0685c1ad6"> <div> <div> <h2>Haiku How-To</h2> <div><h3>A primer for the sexually inquisitive.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*yQwyx3SGkE3-oZlWW1dC9g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="654f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/did-i-fail-my-mother-3323d4907780"> <div> <div> <h2>Did I Fail My Mother?</h2> <div><h3>All the things I should have said, and didn’t.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*IBboE8lKu9O0Q4Ga0aEGhQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9067" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-hot-women-of-medium-c66515ba6bbe"> <div> <div> <h2>The Hot Women of Medium</h2> <div><h3>Smart, funny, gutsy and SMOKIN’!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*sUDy3LYDjjZKQqXsMfyptQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="1a63" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/ive-never-received-1k-claps-b1dd0d9c56b9"> <div> <div> <h2>I’ve Never Received 1K Claps</h2> <div><h3>Wounded…and wondering.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*zAfXUminR_ELCNKW8Ppsgw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="11fc" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/its-official-i-m-an-a-hole-347624d73cd7"> <div> <div> <h2>It’s Official: I’m an A-Hole</h2> <div><h3>“Medium Madness” has me by the throat.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*r4v7h4lCPyj7liblwp-GNQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

The Sturg’s Anti-Bucket List

A prompt inspired by the list by Ginger Cook

I don’t know if you intended this to be a prompt, Ginger, but it reads a lot like a topic that should be a prompt. I’m a pretty open-minded person but there are definitely some things that I wouldn’t want to check off of my list before my life is over.

I also have a bucket list but I’m not going to be including any of those items. Here are ten things that I won’t be attempting to do ever.

Go on an exotic food tour of the world — Yeah, I don’t know if I really have to explain this one. I don’t want to travel just to try things like snake meat, monkey brains, crickets, and things I’d never imagine eating while I’m at home. I can’t even stomach when other people are eating liver and onions around me. I’m definitely not going to be eating anything any more repulsive than that.
Swimming with sharks — Yeah, this is another thing you’ll never see me doing, ever. I’m scared enough just watching Shark Week. If I’m going to have a near-heart attack watching sharks on TV, I’m certainly not going to want to be up close and personal with them in real life.
Run a marathon — Running and training to run for 26.2 miles just to be the fastest person or to say that you’ve completed that long run is one of the most pointless things I’ve ever heard anybody brag about. I can’t even run a mile and the last time that I did it back in high school, I was completing that in 18 minutes. I’m not in shape and physically I’m in chronic pain so this feels wrong to me on so many levels.
Climb a mountain — Much like the last thing on this list, the aim seems pointless. Plus, in this case, people die trying this in some parts of the world so I’ll definitely pass here. If I even make it up to the top, I’d need to most likely be airlifted down and will be sore for months so I’m definitely not looking to be that adventurous.
Pay for sex intentionally— No, I’ve never wondered what sex with a prostitute was like. Technically, though, I’ve already done this one but not intentionally and not with foreknowledge of the setup but that story is for another day. I’m saying that I wouldn’t do this with the knowledge beforehand and seek it out. Plus, I have a wonderful partner who I’m very happy with. I don’t need to pay.
Go high up in the air in an open-air transport vehicle — I don’t see the appeal of hot-air balloons. Plus, I’m afraid of heights as it is so attempting to do this, especially on a windy day, would scare the crap out of me. It would be even worse if I were parasailing or hang gliding. I’m just not compatible with moving fast, being in the air, and being above ground at the same time. I could barely handle being in the Willis Tower (formerly Sears Tower) in Chicago and I went on a cloudy day when I couldn’t see down and I was inside.
Attend a megachurch — If I already don’t see the appeal in regular church, why would I want to go to a commercialized, manipulated souped-up, and somehow watered-down version of religion all at the same time just for the sake of giving a “religious leader” my money? I spit on the Joel Osteens and the Jim Bakkers of the world and think that their tactics draw in millions of people in a very insidious way. I’ll stay away from manipulation and greed through “religion.”
Go hunting — I’m not against gun ownership, per se. I say that to each their own, and it’s not my business to tell anyone what to do with their legally owned guns. I’m just not a major proponent of using them myself. Hunting? What is the point of shooting and killing an animal and then keeping them as a trophy and or gutting them for its meat? I don’t even like the gamy taste of venison, either. I would be a vegetarian but I really like hamburgers. I’m just going to pass on ever trying this pointless and primal sport.
Take a selfie with a wild animal — I don’t even know if I’d want to do this with one in captivity like a zoo. I know that zoo animals are trained but as you’ve seen many times before, animals will act on their primal instincts. Harambe the Gorilla had to be put down and that was the kid’s fault. I’m just not ever going to try what some people have been brazen enough to do. I’ll just continue to watch other people do this and stay on this side of the action with my life intact, thanks.
Get a piercing or a tattoo — You might be thinking, “Sturg, you’re so cool and awesome, you don’t have a tattoo?” No, I don’t. It started with my conservative religious upbringing but then it continued with, “I don’t have the stomach to withstand that kind of pain.” Sure, it’s a coward’s way out but I look at it this way. I don’t want to get old or stretched out with a tattoo that won’t look the same in 20–30 years and I also don’t want to be buried with some sort of art that an anthropologist could dig up. I’m not saying that the skin art would survive that long but it could.

These are just ten things that I could think of. I have a ton more that I could put on this list but these are the ones I’ll never do so I had to include them here. I had such fun putting this list together that I’m going to invite some other writers along to do this challenge with me. Use the tag “Anti Bucket List” so it is more easily visible and able to associate with the original stories.

Adrienne Beaumont, JoAnn Ryan, Anne Bonfert, Jillian Amatt - Artistic Voyages, Linda Ng, Blogs by J, Sieran Lane, The Celtic Chameleon

Here’s Ginger’s story that inspired me to write my own story. This one is pretty hilarious. You should definitely give this a read first for some inspiration. I know that it helped me.

Backward Bucket List

Things I don’t ever, ever want to do before I die

medium.com