The Strained Relationship: Golden Child and Scapegoat

Was the Conflict Orchestrated by Design?

By design, one or more narcissistic parent(s) have created a disturbing and unhealthy relational connection between the family assigned roles of scapegoat and golden child. Neither role is desirable, and both suffer from consequences of this defined role not only with how they relate to the narcissistic parent but with each other.

In this article, we are going to discuss the harrowing relational dynamics between these two roles which continue even into adulthood.

THE SCAPEGOAT’S ROLE

The scapegoat is the party within the narcissistic structure that is often blamed for family mistakes, discarded, neglected, and has been gaslighted into believing it was their fault. The scapegoated child is usually assigned at a young age and often carries this role through to adulthood and never loses the unfortunate title.

THE GOLDEN CHILD

The golden child is the party that is favored, looked upon highly by the narcissist, is granted attention (of their performance), spoken about positively, and is manipulated by the narcissist to uphold the family secrets, and embrace covert behaviors even without knowing.

The golden child is the ‘good one’, while the scapegoat is the ‘bad’ one. They are at diametrically opposing sides of the spectrum and are often at odds with each other, intentionally.

THE NARCISSISTIC PARENT’S ROLE

The narcissistic parent typically through triangulation, creates animosity between the parties. The siblings, when they are in grade school up through to high school, may believe it’s sibling rivalry, but the roles never cease. The roles can continue into adulthood, where the narcissistic parent pits the two parties against each other.

As a result, they may not form a close bond or friendship. The scapegoat can feel like they have no one in the family who has their back (which may be true), while the golden child acts as though nothing is wrong.

Often, the roles are further exacerbated by extended family, deliberately as the narcissist will use other family members to further perpetuate.

SCAPEGOAT AND GOLDEN CHILD DYNAMICS

The Scapegoat and Golden Child may very well be at odds for their entire adult life. There will always be something between them that will not be resolved. The scapegoat historically has tried to resolve, worked harder at whatever it was that earned them the role, but they will never be able to lift the title.

They will always be treated harshly by the narcissist and the golden child, and it may even extend through to extended family. We are going to explore a little deeper to discern why this is the case.

GOLDEN CHILD WILL NOT HAVE THE SCAPEGOAT’S BACK

The golden child has been an actor most of their life and it continues to the present, though they may never admit it. It’s true they may not see it, but underneath their acting skills, they have a strong loyalty to the narcissist. It may go beyond your standard level of loyalty.

It’s coercive loyalty.

They were coerced into being loyal to the narcissist, yes, they were manipulated into this role to serve the needs of the narcissist and the two roles became enmeshed together, both supporting one another.

Because of this enmeshment and unconscious loyalty, it is second nature to operate in this way without question and to do what the narcissist wants. When they do this, they are rewarded, and this keeps the cycle of enmeshment flowing.

The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect, and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.

GOLDEN CHILD IS STUCK IN A CYCLE OF PERFORMANCE

The golden child wears a metaphorical set of handcuffs, in that, they are stuck in performance. They only receive accolades, attention and are treated as the ‘good’ one when they do things that are deserving of such, by the narcissist.

If the GC shows support to the Scapegoat, they will pay the penalty from the narcissist. The narcissist may withdraw support, turn against the golden child for a time and employ a host of other tactics to train the golden child from exhibiting their independence.

The ramifications may be so demeaning, the golden child will not step out of alignment again. This keeps the golden child in performance to earn love while mistreating their siblings and further continuing the strained relationship and carrying on their family role.

GOLDEN CHILD ONLY COMES AROUND WHEN THEY WANT

Since the golden child operates by duty to the narcissist, they will always be on the lookout for ways they can not only keep their position of the golden child, but to also show they are a good soldier.

The golden child can dress up for the occasion and put on a show, and be friendly toward the scapegoat of course, only when it serves the greater purpose. They may be out for information, or knowledge of some sort, which will be attempted to further perpetuate the cycle and to defame the scapegoat.

GOLDEN CHILD IS ON A PERPETUAL MISSION

The lure to maintain the golden child status is so strong, they will continually seek to maintain the coveted status.

They witness how the scapegoat is treated and they cannot fathom to be treated in the same way.

The scapegoat has been mocked at, belittled, not supported, not listened to, no empathy has been shown over and over again. In order for the GC to have high status within the family structure, they must keep the ‘bad’ one bad.

No matter how good the scapegoat is, it will never be honored, shared, congratulated authentically, and they will never be treated favorably — even as they become adults.

THE GOLDEN CHILD IS UNABLE TO HAVE AN AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SCAPEGOAT

Since the golden child has been trained to be an actor, they fail to embrace an authentic relationship with their sibling, scapegoat. There will always be sibling rivalry, which not only have they instigated but they appreciate it since it causes the separation.

It further illuminates how the golden child has a need to be ‘good’ and when there is this separation of roles, they assume the role of being the favored sibling with all the side courses.

SUMMARY

The harrowing roles of scapegoat and golden child are distinct within the narcissistic family structure. Neither role is beneficial to a person’s well-being, as they each suffer from consequences of their designed role.

As the cycle of abuse often continues down the family line, it’s imperative that once recognized, to choose the best way to proceed.

Were you the scapegoat of your family, or were you the golden child? Drop a comment below and let us know if this has been helpful!

Thank you for reading!

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Originally published at https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com on November 16, 2021.