Gratitude

The Story of a Picnic

On turning toward and not away

Once upon a time, my girlfriend and I had been dating for several months, and she started to seem kind of hesitant and remote. We weren’t talking or seeing each other as often as we had been. I wasn’t sure if it was just a plateau or if we were approaching the drop-off of a cliff.

I felt good about her, and I found a lot of gratitude and joy in our relationship. I didn’t want anything falling off any cliffs.

I didn’t want to walk away out of fear of conflict, but I also didn’t want to crowd her when she needed space. We had a phone call to try to talk about what was happening, but it wasn’t a very happy one or even a clear one.

Have you ever had a moment in a relationship where you or your partner couldn’t quite share what was going on emotionally? Maybe it was a turning point in the relationship, or maybe other things were going on in your/their lives, or maybe it was some combination of factors.

This felt like One of Those Moments. Something needed to happen, but I wasn’t sure what or how. During our phone call, I asked if she wanted to go out on a date that weekend. She said that would be nice.

So I said I would plan the date. She’s someone who appreciates the thought of another person making a plan, taking care of the details, and picking her up at an appointed time. I’m sure she appreciates this in part because she’s very skilled in doing this exact thing for others.

While I didn’t want to get too carried away and psych myself out or do something out of proportion, I wanted to plan a date that would show effort and reflect my attention to things she likes.

I decided to plan an evening picnic at the beach, with all of the food packed neatly so that we could park beside the water and eat in the car if it was too cold and/or rainy out.

I went to the organic grocery store and bought all kinds of treats that could be carefully and easily packed away: carrots, hummus, turkey slices, cheese, crackers, fruit, and chocolate. I also consulted with friends to find out which canned wine might be the best (I don’t drink wine, but my GF likes it on occasion).

I ran up to Target for a special set of containers that would make it easier to pack some of the treats on the menu, and I bought a tumbler there to keep her wine selection chilled (and discreet in public).

It was fun and even exciting to slice all of the foods and arrange them in different containers, then pack them in a cooler bag. Whatever the outcome of the date, I knew she’d appreciate the details of the meal.

As it turned out, it was a clear and not-too-chilly night, so we took a blanket from my car and had our picnic on the beach. We were at Alki, which is located west of downtown Seattle, such that you can look over the water and see downtown.

We went early enough for the sunset. It didn’t quite spring yet, so this wasn’t very late. Other people had fires burning in the fire rings at the beach. It wasn’t windy, either, so the fires were pleasant without being smoky.

We had a better talk at the beach after our dinner. Sometimes people need the right moment and context to talk. Sometimes you need to create the space for it — and to let go of any expectation other than to be present and enjoy the moment.

I knew we’d enjoy dinner and the beach no matter what, and we did. I felt grateful that we were able to talk more, and after that night, things felt easier and more natural, like we could look at the path ahead together instead of independently imagining various crags that might be waiting in the dark.

Thanks to Trista Signe Ainsworth for her prompt about making an offering of peace or kindness.