The Step Most Parents Miss When They Start to Homeschool

Many classroom teachers miss it too and if you’re struggling, it’s probably why you should take a step back.

Let’s talk about what led up to “day one” of homeschooling with your child.

You did your research, you weighed the pros and cons, you figured out what direction you wanted to go, you printed out colorful worksheets that you found on Pinterest, and you created a carefully thought-out schedule.

You’re excited because you believe you are ready to “school” your child and you have this beautiful picture of how you think it’s going to go.

Then day one of homeschool finally arrives and… that’s where everything goes to shit.

All of that research you did becomes irrelevant because you forgot what the “experts” said the second you start to teach your kid. The cons begin to outweigh the pros because you stumble upon a million flaws in your perfectly formulated plan. The doubt in the direction you chose sets in because your kid doesn’t want to listen and quite frankly, you’ve exhausted all of your energy battling it out with them. The worksheets don’t get touched because your kid doesn’t want to do them (let’s face it, neither do you). And the schedule you created with all of the stars and different color-coded times for different subjects becomes this laughable expectation of how things should be — probably because you tried to bring a system that you don’t even really like into your own home.

Depending on the severity of the day, the wine — or the just in case joint (stop judging Karen, to each their own) — is looking pretty good right now. You’re starting to realize this shitshow is not the rainbow and unicorn version you envisioned of your child’s first day of homeschooling.

Starting to sound familiar yet?

Good.

It’s a perfectly normal day that needed to happen.

So, kick back, pop that bottle, light that spliff, and let’s talk.

The problem that many parents run into when they start homeschooling their child(ren) is that they focus on their expectations of what should happen rather than building a relationship with their child to understand and agree on what the expectations should be.

It happened to us — especially me — multiple times and one of the main things we hear from parents after they decide to transition full time into home education is: “Why isn’t my plan working? I feel so lost. Is it me?”

And the short answer is: Yes. It is 110% you.

Congratulations! You’re normal!

Check Your Relationship With Your Kid Before You Start to School Them

As weird as it sounds, Whit and I started unschooling Aramiez at different times.

But don’t you live together? And didn’t you guys decide to unschool together?

Yes, but I honestly wasn’t present as a parent or a teacher to Aramiez until I allowed myself to be.

What…?

Like many homeschooling families, one parent typically takes on the “schooling” responsibilities while the other works. When we started unschooling, I was a classroom teacher working on my Master of Education. Unfortunately, my mind was more on bills and my next steps professionally than what was happening right in front of me with my family. I ultimately left the classroom and my career in education for this and a variety of others reasons that I’ll talk about in later posts, but close to a year after Whit started unschooling Aramiez, I got fully involved.

When I actively started to be a part of Aramiez’s unschooling, Whit had already figured out through trial and error that she needed to build a relationship and figure out how Aramiez wanted to learn before any “educating” could happen. I came in with the assumption that I had just gotten my M.Ed., had three years of classroom teaching experience, over seven years of experience successfully prepping students for private school admissions that I could just force the learning process.

In all of my years working with kids, it was a mistake I had never known myself to make before.

With every kid I taught in the classroom or one-on-one, I made a point to build a relationship with them, build a rapport, and get to know their learning style before teaching anything, but I dropped the ball when it came to my kid.

Whit tried to warn me, but I’m not always the best at listening. I’ll be the first to admit that I failed miserably in the schooling department when it came to working with Aramiez at first. I arrogantly assumed that because I was her father and had teaching credentials, those accolades alone qualified me enough to teach her.

I failed to realize that I spent most of Aramiez’s life up to that point focused on work. I completely blew past the most important part of not only teaching Aramiez but being a parent to her: building a relationship and taking time to understand her.

It wasn’t until I closed the books, put away the worksheets and got rid of the schedules, and just started purely playing with my daughter that I started making any progress with her.

So to all of you parents struggling to homeschool your kid(s), there are a couple of questions I suggest you reflect on:

• Do you actually have a relationship with your child or are you just their “Mom” or “Dad”?
• Are you schooling the way you want to school or are you schooling the way your kids learn?

These aren’t fix-all questions that will solve the homeschooling battles with your child, but they are questions I had to ask and be honest with myself before seeing any progress with my daughter.

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