The Secret To Your Authentic Identity
It’s a lot closer than you realize.
Authenticity. We demand it from the companies that we interact with. We expect it and appreciate it from important figures. It is one of the most important things for us and the world to be.
When it comes to branding, authenticity is bound to be mentioned followed by a sound reason like “people will be turned off if you fake it”. In personal situations it’s regarded as your true self, the person you want to become and ought to be.
We regard self-help gurus as reaching the pinnacle of this. After all, a lot of their work revolves around this. They desire to grow other people, to offer tips and advice and guidance through whatever it is that you’re dealing with. These people definitely are authentic about themselves.
Right?
The reality is far from it and when you actually delve into the authenticity talk, the more of a rabbit hole you’ll end up being in.
As strange as it may be, the self-help industry isn’t exactly equipped to help someone be their authentic self. In fact, there is a higher chance that you’ll end up drifting away from who you want to be than anything else.
The Standard Is Dependency
A lot of the problem goes back to what this industry is established on: a loop.
Mixed with modern capitalism (if it even ought to be called that at this point) the idea is for you to continue to buy whatever the guru or brand is trying to sell you. Whether they make you into an addict or someone who will just spend money here and there on their brand, it doesn’t matter.
At the end of the day, the goal is to create a dependable relationship where the guru delivers content and products and people keep coming back. Even when it doesn’t really help you all that much.
Even without the guru personally speaking directly to you, they make a lasting impression on you. First it’s small and then it continues to grow over time.
Obviously people are going to be influenced by the company they keep. This applies to the content they consume and who the person they are listen to is as well. But in the context of authenticity, the usual self-help rhetoric that is used in the industry frankly sucks.
It can be a bit clunky, lack context, or straight up doesn’t work. The emphasis is on instilling dependability, addiction, and more positive emotions than it is to be practical.
As a result of this, the focus will be more on broad self-help ideologies. It’s about guiding people that way, rather than say what a psychiatrist would do which is to help people reach their own conclusions regardless of their beliefs and values.
It naturally creates this disconnection which unfortunately people fall for a lot of the time. That is unless the guru makes a prediction that’s entirely off base to what you’re experiencing and trying to work through.
Authenticity Is About Independency
Finding authenticity through self-help is possible, but the true answers to the various obstacles you’ll face boils down to “something you have to do on your own.” It’s not a very appealing answer, especially when this industry is meant to be helping other people.
But the problem is that self-help’s assistance has been poorly established from the start. What is needed is more of a shift towards coaching elements. Where genuine help would be in a similar vein to how councillors, consultants, and psychiatrists function.
Ones without licenses and not as much professional sway, but can still function as a third-party opinion that’s grounded in logic and can give you better direction. A neutral party that you can turn to for advice and guidance.
And one that hopefully doesn’t cost thousands of dollars per trip to see.
The goal of self-help gurus shouldn’t be focused so much on how many people they can get on board, but rather how many people they can help. How many people whose lives they can improve by posting content and sharing ideas and strategies or by hopping on calls and doing one-on-ones with people.
But until that time, it’s important for people to learn to be independent. What that looks like in this industry comes down to a mixture of things. But the first step is to recognize that self-help is inherently flawed. There will be advice that isn’t practical or appropriate for your situation.
And you don’t need to spend thousands (or even hundreds) of dollars to figure that out.
Being independent isn’t about doing everything on your own and having self-help gurus, friends, family, and your network cheering around you. The idea of being independent is more about knowing when to rely on others for help and being able to be self-sufficient.
The self-sufficiency part has a lot to do with your own self and building yourself up. But that can also be a group thing part of the way — where the self-help coaching kicks in. Where a guiding hand can lead you on based on what you are going through and thinking about doing.
It boils down to being able to think for yourself while also considering the views and information others are presenting you with. Figuring out what works best for you and fits your life. Regardless of what the other person is saying or presenting, the only thing that truly matters is your own conclusions.
The self-help guru’s words are but a means to an end.
True Authenticity Is Merely Your Future Version
As I discussed before, our personalities change over time. These shifts happen based on large events in our lives, but also as we get older and see the world in a different light. What this means in regards to authenticity is that our latest version of ourselves isn’t our final iteration.
It’s a natural building block. Something that can be built on again and again.
While I think there is a certain point to our optimization of our lives, when it comes to our personality and our own identity, that’s something that changes through the people we meet, the media we consume, and how we interpret our experiences.
Our personalities and our identities change with the times as it were.
And so when you think about it in this way, the authenticity journey that self-help gurus push on others is all but a myth. Because over time, we’re going to change as we experience life. And our authentic self is formed based on our goals, and how we pursue them and through the people we meet along the way.
Self-help gurus do play a part in it, but the industry is poised to hijack the whole system. To present ideas and theories that feel good but aren’t really needed. That don’t make progress.
The reality is authenticity is something you already have, but it’s a matter of exploring yourself and who you are. To sit in your head and get to know you. That is hard to do when one is dependent on a self-help gurus words and guidance.
Authenticity at the end is more of a buzzword for a lot of self-help gurus. It’s a hook in a world where we are bombarded with constant stimulation. With self-help designed to be that space where you can step back and take a breather, it doesn’t actually promote or instruct how we can do that. How we can find balance or take time to explore ourselves.
It’s understandable given the fact people prefer straight answers rather than a vague “it depends”. But self-help is very much like that. It does have self in the name, suggesting that some things are on you to figure out.
And while help is around the corner, when it comes to authenticity, it’s one of those things that from my experience is a whole lot easier when you embrace that individuality and do something yourself.
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