The Secret to Impulse Control
“There never has been, and cannot be, a good life without self-control. “
Maybe you shouldn’t be reading this article.
Honest truth: When it comes to impulse control, I suck.
I’m addicted to Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I go every day. I order an extra-large coffee with cream and sugar, which boasts a whopping three hundred and sixty calories. I did the math and discovered that within thirty days, the calorie count of the coffee is 10,800 calories.
Even though I know this fact, even though I want to shed a few pounds, I can’t make myself turn around and go home when I see that damned sign.
Does my situation sound a little like your life?
You tell yourself you’ll only have one glass of wine, and you consume three. You tell yourself you’ll stop ordering takeout, and two hours later, you’re calling Door Dash. You tell yourself you’ll only spend fifty dollars at the mall, and your wallet is one-hundred and fifty dollars lighter when you leave.
We all have moments of weakness, but we’ve got to break the cycle when it comes to our finances, health, and well-being. If not, our lack of self-control will bleed into all aspects of our lives, and that, my friend, is a recipe for disaster.
So here are some steps that you can use to gain greater mastery over your impulses.
Step one: Know your poison.
“Everything changes for the better when you take ownership of your own problems.” — American entrepreneur Robert Ringer
Most of us know what we do that springs from a lack of self-control. However, more than likely, you have one or two areas where you feel most powerless.
It could be over your nutrition or money. It could be your tendency to procrastinate or your impulsive “sure” whenever someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do.
What to do:
Make a list of all the major things where your impulses take over.
Now choose one or two to examine closely before moving to the next step.
Step two: Know why you drink the poison.
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
If you really think about the way life operates, it’s all about cause and effect, and acting impulsively is often emotionally based. Our feelings get hurt, so we overeat. We’re feeling down in the dumps, so we go shopping to take our minds off our struggles. We’re angry, so we lash out.
What to do:
Now that you have narrowed down the important things in which you have little impulse control, spend some time thinking about what emotions are behind your actions.
Then, write out a list of cause and effect statements concerning your emotions and the spontaneous actions you take because of them.
Use the sentence starter below.
“Because I feel ______________, I __________________.”
Admissions and examples from the author:
- Because I feel anxious or stressed, I overeat.
- Because I’m afraid people won’t like me, I agree to do things that take away time and energy I need to take care of myself.
- Because I feel exhausted by work, I unthinkingly push my children away.
Why is this list so important?
Because if our emotions are causing our impulsive behavior, we need to focus on them to better control our impulses.
Step three: The plan
“A man who does not plan long ahead will find trouble at his door.” — Confucius
One of the most critical steps in having more self-control is preparing for experiences when your emotions are likely to take over.
Think ahead, so you can better regulate your behavior.
What to do:
Use this sentence starter to prepare for situations where you tend to be overly impulsive.
“To prevent me from ____________________, I could ________________.”
For example, here’s how I would answer these questions concerning my own lack of willpower in the situations above.
- To prevent me from overeating, I could find other ways to ease my stress. I could take a walk outside or take a long hot shower.
- To prevent me from being a “yes” person when I don’t want to be, I could focus on the fact that people shouldn’t like me only if I agree to what they want. I could focus on the fact that my value or likability should be based on my personality, not my willingness to take on someone else’s tasks.
- To prevent me from pushing my children away when I feel exhausted and need alone time, I could tell them Mommy needs time to relax. I could remember that I can’t build relationships with my children until I take care of my needs. Then I could devote my time afterward to giving them my full attention.
Find, and pre-plan for these emotions. By conquering the emotion, you’ll be far more likely to control your behavior.
The bottom line:
Tomorrow, I’m going to skip Dunkin’ Donuts. I’m going to take another route home and remind myself there’s a coffee maker in my home where I can still energize and save myself two hundred calories and three dollars a day.
Humans are powerful beings. You are a powerful being. The truth is there is no impulse that can’t be controlled.
Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you will probably give in to temptation at times. However, the vital thing to remember is small victories over our desires are a big deal. The more successfully we control our impulses, the more self-control we develop. The more self-control we develop, the more we can reach our full potential and create the life we genuinely deserve.
You’re stronger than your drives and desires. You’re the boss — unless you decide to hand over your power to your emotions.
Don’t.
Be the CEO of yourself. This is your life, and you deserve to be happy and healthy.
Best of luck. You got this.
Note: Opening quote by Leo Tolstoy
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