How to Keep Believing in Yourself When You Lost the Weight and Gained It Back

Beating yourself up and wallowing in self-hate is only making things worse

My nineteen-year-old son is miserable.

Last year, he lost eighty pounds. And when he did, he lived fitness. He counted calories, protein, carbs, and sugars. I was so proud of him.

But more importantly, he was proud of himself.

When COVID flung itself into all our lives, he did what I and millions of other people wish they had done. He used the time to his weight loss advantage.

I can remember coming home from work and finding what looked like a prison gym in my yard. The fitness centers were closed, so my son and his group of buddies set up a makeshift workout area outside. Weights were strewn haphazardly, and water bottles flung everywhere. Someone was always doing a bench press on our rusty exercise equipment while another buddy urged him on.

And I’d see my son glistening with sweat in the ninety-degree heat, looking ironically euphoric.

He was proud of his body for the first time in his life.

The weight loss was his way of throwing an invisible middle finger to all the cruel children who teased him as a child and all the teenage girls who rejected his offers for a date.

More importantly, it was his way of tackling the demons living inside him, ones who called him worthless, unattractive, and unlovable.

But as COVID restrictions lifted, life got in the way. He started working and taking college classes that ate up his energy and time.

And if you’re like him and me and so many other people, lost time and energy means seeking comfort in food.

So my son’s weight began to creep back up. And currently, twenty-five of those eighty pounds have come back.

Because of this, he’s seething with anger at himself. He’s depressed, broken, and so emotionally shattered he can’t seem to find the motivation to try and lose the weight again.

And maybe you’re feeling the same sense of hopelessness.

But I’m here to tell you that you can lose the weight again.

You did your homework before and figured out how to shed the pounds. That means the know-how is there. However, right now, what’s not there is the emotional gas to start the process again.

So, let me give you some tips on how to refuel.

Forgive yourself

Author Vironika Tugaleva states:

“When you slip up and let yourself back into old, toxic patterns of thinking, forgive yourself before you try to fix yourself.”

Every first step to success begins with a “maybe,” a seed of inspiration that perhaps this time things will work out in your favor.

And when you’re downhearted and discouraged from the added pounds, this “maybe” disappears from your line of thought.

Especially if you’re so disgusted with yourself that you can’t see two feet in front of you.

And until you forgive yourself, until you let go of the self-loathing weighing you down, you can never begin to make the changes you need to make.

And how do you start to forgive yourself?

You see yourself as a human being, a flawed and vulnerable human being like every other soul on earth.

Think about times when you’ve forgiven a friend who’s hurt you. What thoughts enabled you to let go of your anger?

You realized that this friend is too important in your life for you to kick them out because of one angry outburst or one bad deed. You came to understand that there were other factors at play when they hurt you.

Maybe they were going through a divorce or stressed out over a demanding project at work. Maybe they were struggling financially. Maybe a new baby or a family issue caused sleepless nights that left them constantly on edge.

And you loved them enough to try to understand their mistake and considered them special enough to continue the friendship.

So, try to see yourself and your mistakes the same way you saw your friend’s.

Almost every single person on earth is dealing with life the best way they can at any given moment.

And that means you too.

Your weight gain didn’t occur because you said, “To hell with all the hard work. It’s time for cake and ice cream.”

Life became complicated, either physically or emotionally, or both.

And you didn’t respond like a superhuman. Because you’re not superhuman.

The weight gain didn’t happen because you let go. It happened because, at that moment in time, life was winning the tug of war.

You made bad choices at a time when you were overwhelmed, hurt, or exhausted.

So forgive yourself.

You were doing the best you could at the moment, and you can still repair the damage even if every bone in your body tells you that you can’t.

Do something small to make you feel up to the challenge — then do it again

A Success article entitled “7 Small Changes That Will Make a Big Difference in Your Life” mentions an essential first step for getting back on the weight-loss wagon — or any wagon for that matter.

They say to “mind your mind” and be aware of your negative emotions.

However, they emphasize an important next step: separating your depression and self-doubt from your actions.

So when you feel discouraged, do something to make you feel better about the situation.

Because even the smallest step can turn on the inspiration when it feels your well has run dry.

Try taking a walk around the block. Go to the grocery store and pick up some healthy food, or throw the unhealthy food in your kitchen away. Read a motivational article. Watch a motivational video on YouTube.

Each of these steps can help nudge your belief in yourself back into gear.

And focus on incorporating these things daily in a pressure-free manner. Don’t say to yourself, “Big deal. I took a fifteen-minute walk. That’s never going to get me to the weight I want to be.”

Be patient and start small in your attempts to recreate the healthier habits you used to have.

After all, right now, your ego is on feeble legs, and too much pushing too soon can lead you right back to nasty habits you want to avoid.

For example, decide to do one or two things today to jumpstart your motivation and make progress towards your goals.

If you do this consistently, the inspiration and gritty attitude that left when you gained the weight will come back.

It may take a bit of time and self-compassion to get you there, but the point is you will get there.

And that’s all that matters in the long run.

Don’t just focus on your body

Spiritual teacher Harbhajan Singh Yogi states:

“Your mind, emotions, and body are instruments and the way you align and tune them determines how well you play life.”

And understanding this mind-body connection is crucial to getting yourself back on track with your weight loss goals.

The discipline required to shed pounds demands mental strength just as draining as physical labor. And that means you need to nourish your spirit from the inside out.

For example, are you giving your body the amount of sleep it needs? If not, you may be setting yourself up for a weight loss setback.

Web MD explains the absolutely critical role sleep plays in the ability to think rationally and resist harmful temptations. It states:

“Skimping on sleep sets your brain up to make bad decisions. It dulls activity in the brain’s frontal lobe, the locus of decision-making and impulse control.”

So make sure you get your eight hours. That way, when the midday munchies hit, you’ll be strong enough to say no.

And that’s not the only thing your body needs to stay on track.

It needs tranquility.

In all likelihood, part of the reason you gained back the weight was stress. So finding ways to fight it is an urgent issue that needs addressing.

The National Institute for Fitness and Sport details the impact of stress and how it can keep you from losing the weight and keeping it off.

They state that it all revolves around the hormone cortisol. The more stressed you are, the more cortisol you make.

They elaborate on how toxic this hormone can be when trying to lose weight, stating:

“When cortisol is released, those cravings for potato chips, candy bars, pastries, and so on are what provide a quick energy boost. As if those choices aren’t bad enough, cortisol goes on to store those extra calories as fat, mainly around your abdominal area. There is also the interference with hormones that control your appetite. You will start to find that you are hungry more often and have a hard time staying satiated.”

The fact is that unless you keep your stress level in check, your body will play devil’s advocate and try to derail your goals.

However, the more you implement stress-reducing techniques, the more you prevent cortisol from taking over.

It’s all about finding those things that bring you calm.

For example, if I didn’t have a hot bath after work, I’d be six hundred pounds.

Something about the hot water allows me to wash away the ugliness of the day. And if I get to follow up my bath with a dark room, candlelight, and a good book, I find a peace that sustains me when I feel the weight of the world pressing down.

Finding and doing those things that have the magical ability to lift your emotions will go a long way towards keeping the weight off.

A lot of people recommend meditation. I’ve never tried it, but it’s a stress-relieving technique millions swear by.

However, only you know the things that put your mind at rest, and whatever they are, do more of them.

The bottom line:

Author Zoe Haslie states:

“The future lies ahead, calling us up, offering us a new chance to make a new choice every day, offering us the chance to go another way, to start over. The possibilities are countless. All you have to do is just dare to take them.”

And though you may hear echoes of past failures ringing in your ears, look forward, not behind. Because forward is where the good stuff lies. It’s where the body you had before waits for you again.

And who knows?

Maybe the body waiting for you will be even better than the one you left behind.