The Secret to Aging Backward

Whimsy, simplicity, and joy

One thing I’ve noticed about laying down the complexities of life and learning to embrace simplicity is that I feel younger than I did ten years ago. In some ways, I feel as if I am aging backward.

I admit that I’ve inherited some fabulous Italian genes that give me smooth skin and a relaxed aging process, but the aging backward process is more about how I feel and live life than it is about how I look. In fact, in this aging-backward process, I’ve allowed myself to age gracefully instead of fighting it every inch of the way. For example, I’m no longer hiding my silver hair that I once thought of as a sign of growing old. It’s me and I’m embracing it.

I recently attended a conference with a favorite author and podcaster I’ve had the privilege to meet IRL (using modern jargon is a must for those who want to discover the secret to aging backward). Her name is Susie Davis and her podcast is worth your time.

At this conference, Susie talked about a harrowing incident that occurred when she was a teen and how it shadowed her life moving forward. She lived in fear and was unable to enjoy life because of the constant worry of all that could go wrong and shatter her joy and peace at any moment. What Susie eventually learned is that living in fear had already stolen her joy and peace so worrying about unnamed and imagined tragedies was only further robbing her of the life she was supposed to live.

Susie shared that laying down her fear has allowed her to embrace life and live in the true joy that comes with unfettered trust in a good God that “works all things for our good.” In fact, Susie remarked that her son — who had been the recipient of her constant worry as a mother — noticed the change in her and remarked, “Mom, I believe you are aging backward!”

If I could turn back time

This comment by Susie’s son made me think about my life and the years stress, control, and striving stole from me. At a pivotal moment in my life, I vowed to let it all go if God would reverse time for me (which He can do, btw) and redeem the years I let the locusts devour.

Having carelessly tossed too many years to the god of chronos time, striving against the calendar and constantly coming up empty, I have joyfully laid down my striving to the God who redeems time. I have given up my right to live life on my terms and my schedule and surrendered my stubborn will to the one who joyously gives time in due season. He reverses and resets mistakes, speeds up restoration, and reconciles what was once lost and broken from my feeble attempts to create a life.

Top secrets to aging backward

In no particular order (because orderliness is the opposite of whimsy and playfulness and these are two keys to aging backward) here are the top secrets I’ve observed to aging backward.

Allow a little whimsy and awe in your life. I read a blog post that said an unexpected side effect to living the simple life is whimsy. I love that! I would add that one should allow a sense of wonder, awe, discovery, and playfulness to life as well. As life simplifies and slows down for you, you’ll find yourself living not in a state of chasing or trying to outrun the clock, but rather living in God’s time, or kairos time.

You’ll find yourself experiencing — truly experiencing — not walking through in a rushed daze — each moment of life. Think about how a child walks, ambling with no destination or sense of the clock, just enjoying what life places before her. Yes, you can regain that sense of wonder!

Allow yourself to step back into your childhood persona and stop to blow a dandelion puff, or stoop to the ground to observe an ant colony. When is the last time you let your back rest against the solid earth and watched clouds pass by or looked for constellations in the night sky? Can you pick up a hobby you once loved but left by the wayside when adulting took its place?

Being childlike (not childish) is a key to aging backward. Get out and discover or rediscover your childlike nature!

Be a life bearer and seed sower. I once heard someone refer to milkweed pods as whimsical. I think that’s a perfect description. To have such grace and beauty in dying, opening up and freely letting go of all one has so seeds can be planted and multiple lives nourished — isn’t that the secret to beauty and openness?

Hiding behind a mask trying to preserve and protect won’t offer life to anyone — not even yourself. Unless we’re willing to give our lives away in surrender to God’s work and in service to the world, we won’t understand what it means to sow into another’s life.

Hoarding anything — including time and gifts — only constricts our life. God is inherently against hoarding of any kind!

“…unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” (John 12:24–25, NKJV)

“ Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:19, NKJV)

Keep wearing what you like and doing what you do. A mentor and role model in my life was an amazing woman named Liz. She lived to be 100 years old and she truly lived each day. Her life was a testament to living with grace, gratitude, and giving. She spent most of her days caring for others, serving the community and church, and finding ways to meet the needs of those around her — after she took her 6 AM morning walk! She was known as a haven of hope for those who needed a couch to crash on, a room to rent, or a strong prayer for overcoming burdens.

Liz almost died in her early forties and was diagnosed with a heart condition that the doctors told her would shorten her life and shrink her life — leaving her unable to do many of the things she loved. In a way, I suppose that was when Liz started to age backward. She told the doctors ‘thank you, but no thank you’ and sought God’s healing instead.

I have a lot of memories of Liz, but one thing that stands out is how she always kept wearing and doing what she liked. Her long silvery/blonde hair pulled back in a bun, her favorite bracelets on her wrist, she continued to dress in fashionable clothing and high heels well into her 90's. She never stopped dancing or serving at the polling booths. She was fearless and refused to lock her home because she wanted it available for anyone who might need a place to rest or get something to eat.

Aging should not mean changing who we are at the core. Keep wearing what you like and keep being you!

Let go of unreasonable fear. It seems that we live a great bulk of our lives trapped by fear — in all its varieties. Afraid of what others might think, afraid of not fitting in, afraid of the unknown or the future or trying new things. Some lived trapped in the What-ifs and waste valuable now-time worrying about a future or events that don’t exist.

Fear will age you faster than anything because it’s a trap. It makes you small, shrivels your heart, and stunts your growth. Seriously, if you’re interested in aging backward, fear is one of the things you don’t have time for!

Just go for it! A perceived advantage of youth is the luxury to plan for the future. The reality is none of have this luxury. My future might be shorter than I think, and being young is no guarantee against a life cut short. With each passing year, the time to plan feels more like a fool’s paradise. I can plan myself right into doing nothing — basically over-planning and waiting for the right time is just another name for procrastination, and procrastination is just another name for fear. And we’ve already established that none of us have time for fear.

A phrase that I’ve been adopting is ‘done is better than perfect.’

Perfection has trapped me into watching life pass me by and I’m not willing to live in passive mode anymore. Hey, nothing is perfect and you can plan seven ways to Sunday and still fall short, so as Marie Forleo says, take action even if it’s not perfect action because action brings clarity. And a bonus? You’re actually living life while you plan!

Learn from kids and the next generation (don’t be an Archie Bunker). Few things irk me more than when someone starts waxing poetic about the “good ole days” and how today’s generation doesn’t have the stamina, morals, wisdom, or (fill in the blank) their generation did. Spare me. It’s short-sighted and arrogant to dismiss the next generation.

Lynne Twist, in The Soul of Money, recounts a lesson she learned from Buckminster Fuller when he told her, “…your children are your elders in universe time. They have come to a more complete, more evolved universe than you or I can know. We can only see that universe through their eyes.”

When my son and his father butt heads in a classic Archie Bunker vs. Meathead collision, I marvel at the wisdom embodied in my 25-year-old. I seek to find common ground with him because I sense, at a level in my spirit I cannot yet name, that he has found truths I have been searching for my entire life. To ignore him or act condescending toward him is to murder my own soul.

The recent discussion on climate change has stirred up hidden prejudices that older generations hold against the youth. They question how young people who have not lived and experienced what they have can offer us any wisdom and they dismiss their cries to be heard. If we are no longer willing to learn from those who will inherit a society and earth we have helped to shape, then we should seek to leave this earth. Our aging process has ended. I seek to learn until I am no longer needed in this life and it behooves me to learn from those who I’ve invested in.

Age is just a number, after all.

We limit ourselves in so many ways; don't let a number be one of them. Choose now to age backward in spirit, mind, and heart.