Developing the Habit of Now

What flip flops, blisters, and migraines taught me about the practice of presence

I once paid $20.00 for a pair of flip-flops

Just a cheap pair of pink flip flops that said ‘Washington D.C.’ on them with a little bling to make them sparkle.

I’m not a gullible tourist but I was stuck in the Dulles International Airport after a long week of meetings and training. I had picked the wrong shoes to travel with and now my heels were covered in blisters.

Our flight was delayed, switched to a different plane, then to two different gates which meant a lot of traipsing through the airport.

I couldn’t take another step in my horrible shoes so I stopped at a kiosk and bought the first pair of flip flops I could find. At that moment, I didn’t care that I would probably never wear them again or that twenty bucks at home could have bought me flip flops and a T-shirt or at least a decent pair of sandals. All I cared about was relieving my foot pain!

It’s not typical for me to live in the now

Not at all. I plan. I worry. I try to think of all the things that could go wrong so I can finagle my way around and avoid them. (I’m the one who actually reads those inserts in the seatback of the plane — the ones with the layout of the airport — so I can plan my connecting flights and bathroom breaks.)

I rehash decisions and conversations. I can easily fall down the dark trail of regret. I am overwhelmed by decision making and rarely purchase anything on impulse. Google and I are in an intimate relationship. I don’t make any decisions without consulting him (her?) first.

So buying an impulse touristy item at an airport kiosk was not the norm for me, but my feet hurt and I couldn’t catch my plane if I couldn’t walk.

It’s interesting how we can live in the now when we have to — like when pain focuses our attention on the one thing that matters at the moment.

Driving yourself out of the present moment will produce unwanted consequences

I used to be a driven person, feeling like any downtime was wasted time. Productivity was my choice of idol worship. Sadly, it occurred to me one day that the only time I stopped — really shut down in my mind and body — was when I was struck down with a migraine.

When a migraine hit I couldn’t care less what important thing I was supposed to be doing or how many things were on my to-do list. Migraines literally brought me to my knees in infant-like surrender. I became immobile and weakly dependent on others around me to care for me.

It’s downright humbling when your five-year-old says, “Mommy, put your head in my lap and I’ll rub it for you,” because you are literally mad with pain and scaring him with your fear.

It’s completely humiliating when you miss an important training for work because your co-worker has to take you to the emergency room instead.

For a prideful do-er and planner, being waylaid by a migraine for 8–24 hours several times a month felt like a punishment. Until one day it occurred to me that maybe (could this be possible?) that migraine was my body’s way of getting what it needed. Maybe it was my thorn in the flesh — that one thing I could not control and the humbling weakness that brought me to my knees and forced me to stop and be in the now?

That was a scary thought!

Was I that driven to perfection that the only way my body could stop was to make itself sick? Was it God’s way of humbling me? Was it the only way I would realize my dependence on others?

What it’s like to live in the moment

I’ve recently been on a quest to practice presence, to learn to be in the moment, as they say. I decided to take inventory of my thoughts and I was shocked to realize that most of my thoughts either tended toward the future: concerns about decisions I wasn’t even faced with yet, and the what-ifs that create unnecessary worry, or to the past: re-enacting conversations in my mind that could have gone better, fretting over child-rearing mistakes, or konking myself on the head for dumb lapses in judgement or misplaced trust.

Sarah Ban Breathnach caught my attention and forced me to check my thoughts when I read her explanation of the habits of doing, the habits of being, and the habits of brooding in her book, Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.

Habits of doing

Sarah tells us habits of doing are the things we do daily, the busy-going- about- our-day-living things like making coffee, driving the kids to school, working out at the gym — living life and just kind of going through the motions. We can do these mindlessly or we can do them mindfully.

When we practice being fully present even in the midst of these ordinary tasks, we find what Barbara Brown Taylor calls our altar in the world.

Have you ever driven to the grocery store and once parked realized you were not even conscious of how you arrived? That’s a result of not practising the habit of being. We are conditioned to believe that these daily activities are not important. We sleepwalk through most of our day and miss the way God wants to show up in us and through us even in the check-out line at Wal-Mart.

The habit of being will take some practice to learn.

It’s about cultivating a sense of awareness of now, allowing ourselves to be fully immersed in the moments whether they be spectacular, mundane, or painful. It’s a practice of getting the most out of life and not letting the tyranny of chronos time steal our memories and our savoring of what’s really important.

So what's happening that prevents us from really living in the habits of being?

Most of us are parked in the habits of brooding

Sarah describes the habits of brooding as any of the following. See how many you catch yourself doing in the next hour or day.

• nursing old wounds
• worrying about the future or imagining into the future
• dwelling on the past
• holding imaginary conversations in your head about what you are going to say or about what you should have said
• anticipating the worst
• endless mental calculations about money
• comparing
• gnawing on regrets [like a dog on a bone — I am a gold medalist at this event!]
• second-guessing inspiration [writers, you know you do it!]
• ruminating on problems

“The habits of brooding are rooted in the past or the future, and they can rob the present moment of all her harmony, beauty, and joy.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

Wow. Reading that quote again gives me pause. It makes me want to wear some kind of alarm that alerts me when my thoughts move to the future or the past.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Back to the present, Mary. You're missing out on what’s happening right here, right now. Your feet hurt, your body wants you to slow down, your husband wants you to listen to him, your child is telling you something he needs your affirmation about, God is trying to get your attention…

I think this is part of what the Bible teaches us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 where we are encouraged to bring our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. We’ve got to master our minds in order to stay present, focused on what’s important now, and the impact God wants us to have in the world.

I meditated on Sarah’s teaching about brooding habits versus being habits for a few days (meditating is another powerful practice to keep us focused on what matters) and I realized that I could beat habits of brooding by combating them with scripture.

Here are some of the habits of brooding and some truths from scripture and verses from the Bible that I connected.

Projecting into the future

Matthew 6 is a good place to start.

God is our Jehovah Jireh, which translated can be expressed as The-God-Who-Sees-Ahead-and-Makes-Provision-for-Me, or simply, My Provider. I prefer the longer version and I often repeat this out loud when I’m tempted to worry about the future or squirm and scheme to meet my own needs.

God knows what I need, and just as He did with His children in the wilderness, He’s preparing a place for me. As long as I can trust and follow Him, I can be like my kids when we used to go on vacation. They simply jumped in the car and got excited about the journey. They weren’t the least bit worried that I had failed to plan our trip or bring along the items we needed. God’s planning my trip and the Airbnb is booked — all I need to do is trust and get in the car when it’s time to go.

Dwelling on the past

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19, NIV)

God’s not obsessed with your past, your sins, or your mistakes, because as Graham Cooke says, “He’s not an evangelical.” (LOL) Humans are the ones who obsess and fret over the past. God’s interested in your present and your future (which He’s got covered, btw).

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV)

He doesn’t hold our past against us.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9, NIV)

Holding imaginary conversations

Our thoughts are to be His thoughts.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV)

Philippians 4:8 is specific about what kind of thoughts we should entertain.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. (NIV)

Indulging in comparisons

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13–16, NIV)

We are each a unique and planned creation of God, so indulging in comparisons is a futile use of our energy. Acknowledge that you are you and seek His best for you in each moment.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Teddy Roosevelt

Conducting endless calculations about money

Matthew 6 is full of direction about our thoughts toward provision. We talk about the ‘hard sayings of Jesus’ but this truth is quite easy if we’ll only train ourselves to accept it: We don’t need to worry about money or what we’ll eat or what we’ll wear or where we’ll live.

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:32–34, NIV)

Loosely translated: God’s got this.

Philippians 4:19 is an easy one to memorize and a great affirmation when tempted to worry about money.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

Gnawing on regrets

Philippians 4:8 (see above)

Second-guessing inspiration

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5–6, NIV)

Elizabeth Gilbert calls this Big Magic, others call it the universe, some say they just have an intuition about moving forward with life in a creative way. I don’t discount any of these descriptions, but I believe we are directed by God — a force greater than ourselves to accomplish His work in the world. That work may be to encourage, teach, or create beauty, but it is all equally important.

When God directs you in faith, don’t give up or second guess in doubt. Trust Him with all your heart and lean in.

Ruminating on problems at work

Ephesians 6:7 is a directive to slaves but we can apply this to our work as well. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people…(NIV)

Deuteronomy 28 outlines God’s blessings for His people. If we can remember that even when our circumstances are not perfect, God has His eye on us and will bless us despite a bad boss or a chaotic workplace, we can maintain a presence of peace as He directs our future.

Anticipating the worst

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, (Ephesians 3:20, NIV)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

And hope does not put us to shame [some translations say ‘disappoint’], because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:5, NIV)

These verses (and many more) all speak to hope! If hope is God’s calling card, why would we ever anticipate the worst? If your tendency is to anticipate the worst, it’s critical that you bring this brooding habit under the healing grace of God in order to find joy in life.

Ditch those brooding habits and find peace in the present

With awareness and practice, you can become what Sarah Ban Breathnach calls a “curator of your own contentment” by fine-tuning your thoughts. Keeping yourself anchored in the moment will increase gratitude and decrease anxiety and worry. Those habits of brooding do not have to control you!

Thanks for reading! I hope you’ll join me in modeling a peaceful life for this tired and striving world. ~Mary

P.S. I’m happy to report that most of the migraines are gone. Learning to be present and dropping the facade of perfection has afforded me the space I needed to listen to my body and find healing. My silent prayer is that we can all find this place.

This story is published in Koinonia — stories by Christians to encourage, entertain, and empower you in your faith, food, fitness, family and fun.

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