The Secret Diary of Jim Henson — Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy*

A diary written by Jim Henson, beloved creator of the Muppets has been found and some initial entries have been shared by his foundation. *

Today’s Daily Gazette

Special Report

The excitement at the press conference today could be felt by one and all, as Jim Henson’s lawyer announced that a diary, penned by Henson, had been found in some of his effects that had never been gone through before. The Lawyer stated that while they are still reading the diary, many things have come to light that Henson’s family feel should be shared with the public.

What exactly, the excerpts recount, haven’t been fully clarified, it appears that Henson was aware that some of his Muppets had a dark side to them, and many were, in fact, mentally ill. A family spokesperson said that Henson and his family were well aware that some of his Muppets had “problems,” and that while his family had begged him to distance himself from his creations, he had felt responsible and wanted to do what he could to get them help.

Asked why the family felt that it was important to release parts of Henson’s diary to the public, the family spokesperson said:

“There are many, many people in this country, in the world, that suffer from mental health problems. Jim’s Muppets have been loved by people everywhere, and we feel that letting people know that even celebrities can have emotional problems will make them feel less alone. Many of the Muppets have received or continue to participate in therapy, and many of these individuals have improved significantly. We just want people to know that you can get help and live a happy, satisfying life even if you’re not a Muppet or famous. We feel this is what Jim would have wanted.”

The released diary excerpts all have to do with Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy focusing on their relationship and the abuse involved. It is hoped that additional entries about some of the other Muppets will be released at a future date.

Excerpts From Jim Henson’s Diary — Miss Piggy and Kermit

Sept. 18, 1976

Well, the first show is in the can, and for a while I wasn’t sure we would make it. Due to her publicity tour, I couldn’t introduce Miss Piggy to Kermit until right before they went on. But even in that short amount of time I knew we had trouble! She followed him around flirting in her outrageous way and it was clear he was uncomfortable.

She tried to manipulate some of the rest of the cast into helping her attract him but everyone else is already scared of her and locked themselves in their dressing rooms. When she tried to weasel her way into going home with him and he was firm about it not happening, she got pretty aggressive. I had finally had to intervene and tell her I’d bench her for the next show if she didn’t knock it off.

She acted like it was her idea, which was fine by me just as long as she left him alone, and went flouncing off to her dressing room to change. I hope she calms down before the next show but I don’t have high hopes in this regard.

November 27, 1976

What a way to go into Thanksgiving. I thought we were okay with Miss Piggy and Kermit. She’s been much calmer than the first month, aside from some flirting and suggestive comments, but hey, it she didn’t do some of that I’d be worried. Kermit seemed able to avoid her when they weren’t on stage together and the rest of us have helped him do so.

It’s not a secret Miss Piggy doesn’t like the attractive female guests, and she took a real dislike to Candace Bergman. During the Talk Spot, Candace took Kermit’s picture, and we almost lost both of them when Miss Piggy came flying our of the wings with some kind of martial arts move where she chopped into Candace’s windpipe and when Kermit tried to come to her aid, she stomped him flat.

We managed to keep the police out it and keep the whole incident out of the papers. I gave Miss Piggy an ultimatum that she would either go into a psych hospital for an evaluation and help or I’d can her. She turned on the water works but when she saw I wasn’t moved, became angry and threatening. Before they managed to sedate her she laid out two paramedics and one of our grips who wasn’t even involved! Candace was able to be treated on the spot but Kermit will be in the hospital overnight at least.

May 21, 1977

It’s official — the inmates are running the asylum! We’ve been treading water as far as Miss Piggy goes, but she knows she goes for inpatient treatment during the break between Season 1 and Season 2. She has been flirting with every male guest in an unsuccessful effort to make Kermit jealous.

For some reason I cannot fathom, a few weeks ago Sir Avery actually seemed to respond to her overtures, not getting that she was just using him. He has been sending flowers, candy and gifts which she accepts so he doesn’t understand she’s still just using him. Knowing tonight was the end of the season and the men in the little white coats would be waiting for her, she did everything possible not to have to go.

Of course, it was also the night Sir Avery decided to show up in person and proclaim his devotion to her. If that wasn’t enough, Gonzo evidently has been harboring an interest in her as well and he chose tonight to try to win her attention.

As usual, Kermit made himself scarce but after the show, but she found him, Sir Avery found her and Gonzo found all of them. I can’t even begin to recount the mess that ensued except to say, Sir Avery needed 12 stitches, Gonzo has a leg in a cast, and Kermit once again is in the hospital, this time with a ruptured spleen. Miss Piggy has been committed and at this point they can keep her as far as I’m concerned!

September 17, 1977

We’re back as one big happy, oh so dysfunctional family. I had planned to give Miss Piggy the ax, despite her supposedly doing real work on the psych ward and outpatient since last week. But, of all people, or rather frogs, to come to her defense, Kermit begged me to keep her on. He said the injuries he had sustained weren’t really so serious (I suppose since he kept his spleen it was the equivalent of a hangnail) and he would do a better job avoiding her. I tried to impress upon him that her abuse is not his fault and he shouldn’t have to constantly worry about where she is in order to avoid bodily harm. I swear that frog has some kind of Stockholm syndrome!

But I caved and things weren’t so bad. Miss Piggy seemed much calmer, thanks to the meds I assume, and had dialed things back a notch. She still flirted, but I made it clear the next time she put her hands on anyone the police would be involved and so far she hasn’t touched Kermit or anyone else. Gonzo realized perhaps she wasn’t his ideal mate and has moved on. Maybe we’ll be able to pull this out after all.

December 16, 1978

We almost had a major disaster on our hands tonight! Miss Piggy managed to almost trick Kermit into marrying her by having a real minister take part in the wedding sketch. If it hadn’t been for Lew Zealand she might have succeeded. I’ve been up all night with our lawyers and the District Attorney who were helping me try to scare that damn pig straight! I think we were successful, but she’s so damn manipulative there’s no telling.

April 2, 1979

The past four months have been a nightmare. Despite Kermit avoiding Miss Piggy and moving into a high security condo on the top floor, he has come into work at least a dozen times with bruises, black eyes and on one occasion couldn’t hop and had to sort of drag himself from place to place. I discreetly asked him about what was going on several times but he gave me the standard excuses of falling down the stairs, running into the doorknob and swimming into the side of the pool — He’s a frog for cryin’ out loud!

But he wouldn’t admit there was a problem and I couldn’t really think of a way to handle it without his admission. Legal said I couldn’t fire Miss Piggy without proof and if Kermit wouldn’t say anything, short of firing her for work performance, there wasn’t anything I could do. And as luck would have it, her performance is better than ever.

They were booked on The Late Show tonight, and she decided to drop a bombshell telling everyone they were engaged, which Kermit adamantly denied and has denied ever since. Of course this hasn’t stopped Miss Piggy from announcing it every chance she gets! I hate to say it, but it’s been great for ratings! Just bad for Kermit.

January 1, 1984

I am getting so tired of this nonsense. The Muppets Take Manhattan was just released and by the end of the day Miss Piggy announced that she and Kermit were married which he adamantly denied. But she insisted that the marriage had taken place despite everyone knowing it was just acting and since she and Kermit were married, they deserved some “privacy.” Everyone back stage managed to create a diversion and Kermit was smuggled off the lot in the trunk of a security guards car. If he hadn’t been, I think we’d be dealing with rape charges by now!

If that wasn’t bad enough, “someone” or rather “some pig” leaked the story to the media and it took half the day to get them all to print a correction. I called back in the lawyers, to draw up termination papers. But when Kermit heard about it, once again he begged me not to fire her and it didn’t seem to phase him when I pointed out that he was making his request from a safe house. I told him I’d think about it.

May 4, 1990

I’ve been a wreck all day. I finally gave Miss Piggy an ultimatum. She agrees to a joint announcement with Kermit on The Today Show saying the two of them have broken up, sticks to the story and keeps her hands off of Kermit and she gets to keep her job. She fought like hell, but when I refused to give an inch she reluctantly agreed. I added if I saw even a shadow of a bruise anywhere on him I’d call the police and no one would be bailing her out. She could tell I meant it. But still I had no idea if she’d actually go through with it. I am so relieved. So very, very, relieved.

Unfortunately, Jim Henson died of pneumonia not long after this last entry. We are sure he would have been pleased to learn that both Miss Piggy and Kermit sought counseling for their respective problems. Kermit has been in a committed relationship for several years with a woman who works in marketing for ABC.

Miss Piggy responded to our request for a comment with her usual confidence.

“Dating moi is like flying too close to the sun. It was inevitable that Kermit would drop down to the ground while I stayed in the heavens.”

We will report any future developments regarding additional releases as they occur.

This story is entirely a work of fiction with the exception of the name of Jim Henson and the names of his Muppets.

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