The Secret Behind Your Man Needing Space and Why You Shouldn’t Be Worried

Why do women freak out once a man asks for space?

I watched as Angel and her loving boyfriend argued profusely after a long silence. He said he needs time off from their three months old relationship and Angel wasn’t going to let him.

Steve adores Angel. Even a blind man can see that. The three of us have been on vacation trips together, so it’s hard to miss the love and devotion they both give each other.

Steve and Angel live apart. They work a 9 to 5 but spend most of the weekends together. The other day, Angel was excited that their relationship was escalating to the next level. They were going to pull their funds together and start a business.

I advised Angel about a start-up she could go into without burning down her bank account or worrying about quitting her job until the business starts generating consistent revenue.

Steve was in on the deal. They created a joint account and funded it with their savings. They agreed to move in together so they can cut down on living expenses now that money will be tight.

They met with some realtors. They checked out a few properties in close proximity to their place of work. Unfortunately, they haven’t found any close to their budget.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, Steve is asking for space. He says it has nothing to do with Angel. But she is convinced, he’s having second thoughts about moving in together.

She told him it was okay if he doesn’t want to move in with her. She doesn’t want him to feel pressured into doing anything he isn’t ready for.

Steve insisted that he needed a break. After the long heated argument, Angel gave in.

Steve left, but he stayed in touch. He called Angel every day as usual and chatted with her during work hours. However, it has been four days now since the last time Angel heard from Steve.

Does a relationship end “when a guy wants space” from his partner?

My gay friends take breaks from their partners from time to time and I don’t see them fight over it. Men are not women. The way they process and experience things is different. They respect your decision even when it doesn’t favor them.

I take breaks from my relationship too. And the guys don’t freak out when I do. Expect the toxic ones who project their fears on me.

If you ask for breaks from a toxic partner, be ready to hear things like “you are cheating on me,” “why do you need a break? Are my not good enough for you?” “Don’t leave me. What can I do to make you feel better?”

Toxic people are fuelled by their fears. Their fears are built from low self-esteem, which makes them doubt themselves. So they project that onto their partner. But when you are confident in yourself, you worry less about losing someone because you know your worth.

However, the three-letter word “I need space” can bring out insecurities in women more than men.

Women get hysterical when their boyfriend or husband asks for some space. They assume he’s thinking back through everything he said and did. Maybe he is asking for time off to be with someone else.

She will search the relationship for clues about what she did wrong and will try to fix it. Women often blame themselves for breakups, so if the man is asking for space, chances are she is the reason he’s pulling away.

From my experience, relationship time off is necessary for couples in committed relationships. It gives the couple time to re-access not just their partner, but themselves too.

If you are planning to be with someone for the long haul, you need to take breaks from your partner to renew your mental energy, or else you will be emotionally drained, or worse, stop loving your partner.

Your boyfriend asking for space doesn’t mean he’s breaking up with you

I said this to Angel as I tried to calm her anxiety. “He loves you, but you have to allow him to figure out how much that love is worth.”

Taking space is a natural coping mechanism for most men. Men are fuelled by their testosterone. They are generally more attuned to their masculine energy when their testosterone is high. By masculinity I mean moving forward, making decisions, and creating momentum in life.

Men need their energy to pursue their careers. And relationships take a junk of that energy. When a man’s masculine energy drains, he will ask for space to realign his thoughts so that he can find a balance between pursuing his love life and pursuing his mission.

The biggest mistake most women make when a man pulls away is to force him to talk about it. And even worse she tries to solve the problem for him.

When a man needs to be by himself, don’t try to talk him out of it. Doing so will make him dig in deeper and re-access the relationship in a negative spectrum.

If he needs space give it to him. That’s when he gets to reflect on the relationship and decide whether a life with you in it is better than a life without you.

Give him space without losing yourself

Most women become afraid and needy when their man takes a break from them. They spend their days whining about his absence.

Although there is nothing wrong in expressing fear and neediness when your boyfriend pulls away, the problem is responding through fear strips away your value and your worth in the relationship.

You shouldn’t let your life crumple because he took time out from the relationship. Don’t sit around waiting for his call or text. Instead, embrace your femininity and focus on building yourself.

You only want to invest in a man who invests in you. While he’s having space, he’s obviously not investing much time or energy in you. With the extra time on your hands, work on yourself by doing what makes you feel strong, sexy, confident, and fulfilled.

By doing so, you also reduce your investment in him, which quickly dissipates the feeling of helplessness.

Use your time away from him to tune in to your inner strength so that he will appreciate you more when he returns.

You are the price, as much as he is. Even though he’s the one who asked for space, he’s also risking losing you as well.

When you move on with your own life and realize that you are fine without him, he may regret his decision to take a break from you.

And if he doesn’t come back, you’ll be proud of yourself knowing that you’ve come a long way with added values and gained more self-esteem.

There is no better feeling than when you have achieved high self-esteem because you have truly valued yourself as much as possible.

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