The Science of Giving Her Better Head

10 science-based ways to blow her freaking mind.

Giving her head, oral, going down, eating her out, and — let’s not forget the strangest, most sanitized word of all time — cunnilingus.

Whatever you call it, most women love to receive oral (Duh!). Problem is, while many people enjoy pleasing their partners, a whole lot of guys (and some girls) are just plain terrible at it.

According to a 2016 study published in the journal of Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology:

46% of women said that they always or nearly always had an orgasm when having intercourse, with only 6% of women reporting always having an orgasm. Nearly one in six (16%) women had an orgasm approximately half of the time and 38% of women had orgasms fairly infrequently at most.

Don’t worry, research has your back. There is a science of giving her better head.

Get ready for 10 science-based ways to blow her freaking mind.

Go down right here

One of the quickest ways to give her better head is to focus on her most erotic zones, those body parts that give her the most pleasure.

Every woman is different, so it’s always a good move to ask her what she enjoys. Science gives us some clear erogenous zones in case she doesn’t know or wants to explore new orgasmic territory.

When in doubt, it’s hard to go wrong with these four areas:

• Vulva — This is everything on the outside, the external parts of the vagina.
• Labia — The “lips”.
• Clitoris —Technically the “glans clitoris,” the bean-shaped part of the clit near the top of the vagina.
• Mons Venus — The tip of the vaginal opening.

A 2014 study published in the Cortex journal ranked 40 female body parts by sensitivity and pleasure. After running the data through multiple regression and factor analysis, they found the following most intensely erogenous zones:

1. Vagina (shocker! lol)
2. Nipples
3. Breasts
4. Clitoris
5. Mouth/lips
6. Inner thighs
7. Nape of neck
8. Pubic hairline (mons venus)
9. Buttocks
10. Ears
11. Perineum

If you’re not sure of the exact location of a few of these areas, don’t worry, I’ve got your back (Metaphorically, anyway. I’m not trying to break up any happy relationships — including my own 😁).

Explore these erogenous zones with your mouth and tongue, giving special attention to the areas depicted in the diagram. When you find a spot she likes, stay there.

When you get it right, you can send her into heavenly realms of euphoria.

Go down with exactly this much pressure

Just as important as where you go down is how you go down. The right amount of pressure is crucial.

Canadian researchers conducted a sensitivity test in which they applied various levels of pressure and sensation to women’s bodies using scientific instruments. They maintained the stimulation for 1.5 seconds (Which is much longer than any guy, one participant reported — kidding 😆).

Eventually, they published their results in the Journal of Sexual Medicine:

• Light touch: The female body parts most sensitive to light touch were the vaginal margin, neck, and forearm. The vaginal margin is the “edge of the vagina closest to the anus”.
• Pressure: The clitoris and nipples were the most sensitive to pressure.
• Vibration: Once again, the clitoris and nipples proved most sensitive.

What can we learn from this? When you give your girl head, apply a light touch to her vaginal margin, but use a vibrating motion with your mouth and tongue on her clitoris and nipples.

According to one of the biggest studies on female orgasm, 66.6 percent of participants said that they preferred direct, medium pressure to the clitoris using an “up and down” motion.

Test different amounts of pressure on the clitoris and nipples to find her sweet spot. Remember, every woman is a unique, magical unicorn.

“But here is the stone cold truth: It’s not enough for you to be down there. We have to know you want to be down there, you like it down there, and we’re f*cking gorgeous creatures with magical vaginas.” — Zara Barrie

Go down with these sexy moves

You never have to be a one-trick wonder with the abundance of oral sex techniques that exist. Test out each of these methods to see what she enjoys the most:

1. Gentle tongue motion
2. Firm pointed tongue
3. Licking
4. Sucking (Suck on her clitoris)
5. Nibbling (Don’t bite)
6. Flicking (Flick her vagina and clitoris with the tip of your tongue. Healthline said it best when they said, “Think soft puppy tongue licking an ice cream cone — not a woodpecker destroying a tree.”)
7. Rolling (Roll your tongue around in and on her vagina)
8. Fluttering (Flutter your tongue like a butterfly wing)
9. Tracing (Trace imaginary patterns, shapes, or pictures)
10. Spelling (Spell out words with your tongue or sound out words with your mouth)
11. Lettering (Draw letters with your tongue — you can go through the alphabet letter by letter, switch up the letters, or repeat letters)
12. Circling (Move your tongue in circles)
13. Figure 8-ing (Trace or draw a number “8” with your tongue)
14. Tongue Penetration (Sexual intercourse with your tongue)
15. Humming or buzzing (Hum a song, tune, or buzz away like a sexy little bumblebee 🐝)
16. Typewriter or Zzzzzzzz (Essentially, you move your tongue side-to-side while also moving down her vagina. When you get to the bottom, you work your way back up to the top and repeat)
17. Rimming (Licking, kissing, and sucking her butthole)
18. Blindfolded (Less a technique than a sensory gamechanger for oral sex)
19. Clocking (A simple mental technique for tracking her most sensitive spots)

Shanna Katz, sexologist and author of Oral Sex That’ll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms, explains clocking: “Another technique is envisioning her vulva as the face of a clock and keeping track of what times are her favorites.”

When experimenting with these techniques, shoot for variety. Change things up by switching techniques or combining them to create your own customized cunnilingus. But don’t switch too often. Especially if your woman loves what you are doing.

Definitely don’t stop as she starts to orgasm. That can kill the vibe and the momentum of your sexy shenanigans.

“In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.”― Woody Allen

Go down with perfect timing

A study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior analyzed the sexual data of 53,000 people. Their findings suggest that the longer the sex, the more likely females will orgasm.

Specifically, they found:

• Women orgasm more frequently when sex lasts longer than 15 minutes.
• The average time it takes a woman to orgasm is 13.46 minutes.

That said, orgasm isn’t always the goal, and women can enjoy oral without orgasm.

As I wrote about in my other article, The Science of Better Blowjobs, research suggests that the best time for going down on a woman might be 3 PM.

Why 3 PM? Because that’s when both men's and women’s hormones sync best for sex, including oral sex.

Another window of orgasmic delight is 2–3 days before a woman’s period. Research shows that this stage of increased blood flow to the pelvic area triggers more intense orgasms. Plus, many women get hornier right before their periods.

To give her better head, go down on her at 3 PM right before her ovulation and don’t stop for at least 13-15 minutes.

Of course, there is no need to wait for ovulation. Get your “practice” at any time so that you know exactly what moves make her moan.

Go down with your hands

So far we’ve talked mostly about using your mouth and tongue to please her. But your hands and fingers can also help. In fact, there’s a very good chance that your hands can be the real MVPs in your oral sex game.

While you’re getting all handsy, don’t forget the lube. Personally, I love coconut oil because it’s natural, edible, and works like a charm.

Here’s how to use your hands to blow her freaking mind:

• Spread her labia: Remember, those are the lips of the vagina. Spread them to open the vagina so that you can explore her with your mouth and tongue.
• Soft tapping or drumming: Gently tapping her clit and vagina can really arouse some women. Remember, this is soft “tapping” not smacking, spanking, high-fiving, or punching.
• Finger her: Insert one, two, three, or more fingers. Explore different motions such as “in-and-out”, twisting or rotating, and feeling around with your fingers.
• The minivan: This method of double penetration involves two or three fingers in the front (the vagina), and one in the back (anus).
• Explore her body: Remember all of those erogenous zones from earlier in the article (i.e., neck, butt, nipples, etc)? You can stimulate those zones with your hands and fingers while you perform oral sex on her.

Now, let’s take it a step further. If you want to send your lady into seven levels of ecstasy, give her the ole’ Gräfenberg.

Sounds sexy, right? 😆

Never heard of this uber-sensitive female anatomy? Perhaps you’ve heard it called by its more popular name, the “G-spot”. A German researcher named Gräfenberg discovered this erogenous zone. Yes, the “G” is short for Gräfenberg.

But, wait, what exactly is the G-spot? No need to Google for help or to ask Siri for directions. I’ve got you.

The G-spot is a highly sensitive area on the upper wall of the internal vagina. If you want to get specific — which is why we are all here right? — it is part of the clitoris. The clitoris is much bigger than the “bean”. When the G-spot is properly stimulated, women can experience explosive orgasms.

To stimulate the G-spot, follow these steps:

1. Ask her to lay on her back.
2. Insert two fingers into her vagina with your palm facing the ceiling.
3. Reach your fingers inside of her vagina and place them on the top of the inside vaginal wall. Imagine that you are trying to reach up and touch her bellybutton through her vagina.
4. Use a “come-hither” motion with your fingers. Imagine you were using your hand and fingers to gesture to someone across the room to “come here”. It’s the finger-curling motion used all over the world to nonverbally request someone to come towards you.

There’s also an A-spot and a U-spot. The A-spot is close to the G-spot, just a bit deeper into the vagina, leading some to call it the “deep spot”. You find it in much the same way as the G-Spot, just go in a bit deeper.

The U-Spot is near the opening of the vagina. This is also where the urethra opening rests. Some women experience extreme sensations here that can lead to squirting or gushing.

Go down in this position

Is there a perfect position for giving her better head? Yes, but it depends on the woman, location, and your comfort.

Consider these sexy positions:

• She lays on her back with a pillow under her butt or back to angle her pelvis upward for easier access to her G-spot.
• You sit or kneel on the floor beside the bed. She is on her back, her butt backed up against the edge of the bed.
• She straddles or “sits” on your face.
• She kneels on her hands and knees in front of you (doggy style). This position is perfect for partners who love rimming.
• 69, where she straddles your face again, but this time she’s facing your genitalia.
• 69, on your side (same idea as 69 but this time you both lay on your sides facing each other)

You may also want to give the Kivin Method a try. In this position, you lie perpendicular to her so that her vagina is in the east-to-west position. Think of it as the two of you forming a plus sign + where she is the vertical line (north-to-south) and you are the horizontal (west-to-east) line.

She can lay on her back. You lay on your stomach. When you get into position, pull back her clitoral hood with your fingers. Then make tiny circles with your tongue on the area just above her clit.

A bit of thought to position can go a long way to a more comfortable and more powerful experience for her.

Go down with your eyes

A 2019 study published in eNuero, a journal from the Society of Neuroscience, used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) machines to demonstrate how eye contact neurologically syncs one person’s brain to another.

Direct eye contact magnifies displays of emotion. Research shows that we rate strong emotions like joy as more intense when someone makes direct eye contact. Direct eye contact also fuels dominance, confidence, capability, and attraction.

Don’t take all of the research on eye contact to mean you need to stare down your lover during oral. That’s creepy. Don’t do that.

When you look, don’t gawk at her for minutes at a time. Studies suggest that many people feel most comfortable with eye contact that lasts just over 3 seconds.

Go down with your breath

Mare Simone, a certified tantra educator, recommends “using your hot breath to stimulate nerve endings” before going down on your partner.

Sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly agrees:

I believe that our breath is the most underused tool in our sexual arsenals. With breath, you awaken sensitive nerve endings and can experiment with different rhythms, patterns, and temperatures with ease.

Your breath can fire up nerve endings, tease your partner, and serve as another sensation in your sexy bag of tricks. One way to tease your partner, says Dr. O’Reilly, is what she calls “breath kisses”. Essentially, you place your lips as close to your partner’s skin as possible without touching.

Caution: this can be a powerful form of foreplay.

Much like the brain syncing power of mutual eye contact, you can also connect to your love by syncing your breathing. Research published in the journal, Scientific Reports, showed that when empathetic lovers connect physically, they automatically sync their breathing and heartrates.

In other words, breathing is an unconscious marker for empathy and connection. Sync your breathing to deeply connect to your partner during oral.

As a bonus, the same study suggested that synced breathing also reduces her pain (even for women in labor). That’s right, simply matching her breathing has profound implications beyond just blowing her freaking mind.

Go down with your words

Just like eye contact and breathing, your words can be a wonderful source of arousal and connection during oral sex. You can wield your words as foreplay, sexual stimulation, and affectionate affirmation.

A study conducted by Super Online Doctor examined the sex talk data of 990 men and women. All the participants were between the ages of 18–83 and lived in the United States or Europe.

Here are highlights from what they found:

• Most participants warned others to begin lightly with sexual talk that escalates during sexual activity.
• 1 in 5 respondents admitted to stopping sex when the sex talk got weird, too aggressive, or disrespectful. (Pro tip: unless you know your partner is into “taboo” nicknames, you might want to steer clear of potentially offensive terms like “whore”, “stupid slut”, or “You like that cheese, don’t you, Mr. Whopper”.)
• The most sexually satisfied participants dirty talked the most during sex.
• Sexual requests and expressions of desire were especially well-received and arousing.
• 44% of participants rated moaning as the most arousing communication during sex.

So don’t be afraid to make some noise. Show her how much you enjoy going down on her with pleasurable groans and moans. A well placed, “Mmmmmm” can really hit the spot.

While you give her head, tell her how sexy she is and how much you like her taste. Many women feel self-conscious about their bodies, especially their vaginas.

“And girls cannot, I repeat, cannot, come when they’re feeling self-conscious.” — Zara Barrie

Fascinating research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior concluded that women who send and receive sexy text messages the day of sex experience more orgasms. For you, that means sexting your woman all day can prime her for more explosive oral.

Go down just like this

In all my research for this article, one point came up more than almost any other. Here it is: don’t rush.

Her pleasure and orgasm is not a race. There is no starting whistle, no competitors to beat, no clock counting down to zero. So take your time.

Three important lessons I’ve learned:

1. Tease her first. Instead of diving straight into the deep end of the pool, start slowly by teasing her. Kiss down her body, then her inner thighs. Kiss her through her underwear. Arouse her, but don’t immediately take the arousal away. Anticipation and not getting what we want can be powerful forces in the bedroom.
2. Build to a crescendo. Start slow, soft, gentle. Ramp up the intensity and pace as you go down on her. Adjust your speed, pressure, and cadence to how she responds. But keep building up and up. There’s a reason orgasm is also called the “climax”.
3. End well. When she’s about to come or coming, don’t stop (unless she clearly wants you to). Hold her hips and swirl around her vulva with your tongue.

Keep in mind that there is no one-size-fits-all system for explosive oral sex. Every woman is different. Every person is different and those differences wax and wane throughout the day, week, month, and year.

There are many science-based ways to give her better head. Talk about them. Try them all.

When you give yourself permission to play, explore, and feast on her pleasure, you might just reach the realm of poetry:

“I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a hot-gushing, butt-cramping, gut hosing orgasm.”― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

The Takeaways

This is a damn long article. As a “thank you” for reading, I’ll make this section as short and to the point as possible.

• When you go down on her, focus on the vulva, labia, clitoris, and Mons Venus.
• Apply light pressure to her vaginal margin, and experiment with different amounts of pressure and vibration to her clitoris and nipples.
• Try lots of different oral sex techniques to see what she likes. When you find something she loves, keep doing it.
• Lick, kiss, and suck her clit. Women enjoy different things, so pay attention and adapt.
• Go down on her at 3 PM right before her ovulation and don’t stop for at least 13-15 minutes.
• Get your hands involved, especially to locate and stimulate her “G-spot”, “A-spot” and “U-spot”.
• Try the Kivin Method and other oral sex positions to maximize her comfort.
• Give her occasional, brief eye contact during oral.
• Sync your breathing and use your “hot breath” to stimulate her nerve endings.
• Talk sexy to her, moan, and tell her how much you enjoy her.
• Don’t rush, start by teasing, and build to a crescendo.

Final Thoughts

Yes, there’s a science to giving her better head. However, the most important thing to remember in all of this is to focus on our partner. Talk to her. Ask her what she wants and how she wants it.

Watch her body for responses. Listen to the sounds she makes. Feel her movements, trembles, and shudders. You will get most of the information you need by paying close attention.

Every woman is different. Every woman is magical. Treat her body with the profound care, respect, and love she deserves.

Remember that, and you will do more than blow her mind. You will blow her freaking soul.