THE AUTHENTIC ECLECTIC

The Scary Face of Mental Illness: Open Your Eyes, Grab My Hand, It May Be You

Put an end to your fear of the unknown

Is mental illness scary?

Hell, yes, it can be.

One month to recognize Mental Health Awareness is not nearly enough.

I have 265 consecutive months of navigating, advocating and learning about mental health to assist my daughter. Other people have devoted time that would dwarf mine.

One month for those who aren’t wandering in the psychiatric hallways doesn’t come close to what’s needed to catch up. Mental health awareness requires daily thought.

Daily.

I am not a mental health professional. Given that, I do not offer advice. I share my history of dealing with a few specific ways mental illnesses can manifest. My goal is to shed light on what I personally did right and where I was woefully inadequate.

My survival tactic for years was to throw it all against the wall and see what stuck.

At times, I still do that.

I’ve been wrong more often than not. I suspect most parents of children with brain disorders fall into similar confessions.

Exposure to mental illnesses is as individualized as the diagnoses themselves.

There is a myriad of brain disorders, and psychosis is, at times, dangerous. It is always unpredictable, erratic, and life-altering. If a mental illness interferes with daily living, any diagnosis is as difficult to witness as it is to help.

Scary? Can be. Hard work? A given.

Walking away from hard work is not an option.

Turning our backs for 11 months out of the year is not an option, either.

Are you afraid to get involved?

Fear has two meanings — Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours. ~ Sayings

The more we face the fear of the unknown, the less power it holds over us. Revealing a piece of a mystery at a time unveils a clear, less daunting picture with which we can find understanding.

Diminish your fear through education.

My school of life includes the world of Cluster B Personality Disorders, Clinical Depression, ADHD, and Anxiety. It comes with no graduation day. My daughter will never throw her cap up in the air, and neither will I.

The workload with dedication morphs with time but it is always there.

It is always there.

Not just for a month.

Disproven now, was my theory that her mental illnesses began when she was 9-years-old.

Early Behavioral Signs I Ignored

6 months: Overt jealousy. When her older sister crawled onto my lap, instant screaming and fussing ensued as she pitched a fit. It was as if she resented not arriving in our family first.

The reverse jealousy amused us.

6 to 12 months: My daughter would shimmy backward and park herself under the chair, to keep a watchful eye on her family’s interactions. She refused to join us.

We were amused by her ‘Peeping Tom’ persona.

1 to 3 Years: Clothing choices became a struggle. Turtle necks, tags, and any embroidery were forsaken. The seams on the toes of her socks had to be perfectly aligned. On and off, on and off, until she was satisfied that they felt right.

We were amused that a toddler gravitated to the silky feel of lingerie.

3 to 4 Years: Transitioning from one activity to another would result in her falling to the ground in a puddle of tears, kicks, and screams. At times she hid behind the host’s bushes. Her eyes turned black. I came to dread all the birthday party invites.

By then we were less amused, more embarrassed, and consumed with trying to avoid her outbursts.

Each behavior on its own does not appear to be any indication of an issue. What I failed to account for was the continual and increased pattern that became rigid and unyielding. One phase did not replace another; the stages blurred together and grew in intensity.

Early intervention may have made a difference.

Her elementary school years ran hot and cold. Once she hit 4th grade, the underlying conditions surfaced with a vengeance and she spiraled downhill rapidly. As she approached 5th grade, nearing 10 years old, she was hospitalized and placed in psychiatric treatment for a week.

Clinical Depression and ADHD were the first to be identified. The clock ticked in years to add Cluster B Personality Disorder and Anxiety.

Could you learn about her first decade in just one month?

One month to recognize Mental Health Awareness is not nearly enough.

Have you ever driven a child in crisis to a nearby hospital worried that they would pitch themselves out of your moving car? Red lights stopped my heart until they turned green again.

As she grew, her medicines and behavioral therapy were adjusted accordingly, for years. My daughter was not a lab rat, and yet, trials continued as necessary.

Adolescent and Young Adult Behaviors

By Junior High, she was forced to do half-day schooling with a teacher in our home to supplement her core classes a few afternoons a week. Peer socialization and classroom drama crowded her thoughts. The bell for lunch signaled her to meet me in the office to be taken home for the rest of the day.

Having siblings accommodate her needs changed our family dynamic to one we still don’t fully understand.

We moved 1000 miles to Florida due to the murmurings of better mental health care in the southern states. We enrolled her in various private academies and specialized behavioral schools to no avail.

I stood in the darkness with a deputy as he radioed for helicopter assistance to find our runaway. Horrific images of her potential demise in all of the surrounding waterways and rivers overtook my brain.

She legally dropped out of school with a 10th-grade education.

Even then, our final private option was a program to help transition her to independent living. That, too, was fruitless. Unattended mental health fuels itself into high-risk and potentially damaging lifestyles. As a legal adult, she could choose her mental health care.

She decided to ignore it.

My daughter found comfort in the homeless community for a few years. Living in the woods with a tent translated to no kitchen or bath to clean, no trash to take out, and no daily skills we take for granted.

For her, home tasks were overwhelming so she thrived for a bit, as far as her happiness, within the community of forest dwellers by the railroad tracks.

She begged for me to visit. What does a mom say? “Oh, I love what you’ve done with the leaves. Those twigs are fabulous.” I nicknamed her area The Enchanted Forest which pleased her.

I attempted to take the role of counselor, teacher, and life coach to ease her into the role of an independent adult. This was an epic fail. No mother can easily take on positions of outside authority who could better serve her needs.

I do appreciate that we even have Mental Health Awareness Month.

But, is that it?

One month to recognize Mental Health Awareness is not nearly enough.

Is mental illness scary?

Hell, yes, it can be.

There are more of us who live in the dark hallways than are willing to talk about it. Help us to help ourselves by eliminating our fear of the unknown.

Think of all the people whose lives can be improved, including your own, with your simple involvement ~ start with education about brain disorders.

Maybe mental illness isn’t as scary as you imagine. What if it’s just you that makes it scarier?

It takes a village and more than one month.

I was scared throughout the years. Each time, I researched and alleviated my fears. In doing so, I built my arsenal of emotional preparedness. Learning is power. Nothing is 100% but it was definitely better than zero.

What are you waiting for?

You are not alone.

Start learning here:

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Copyright © 2022 Lisa Gerard Braun. All rights reserved.